When children are angry with us, that is when they need us most

There was a video that lasted just five minutes and made my chest feel tight. The title is very eye-catching: \”This is the scariest child I have ever seen.\” As soon as the video started, the child started to go berserk, throwing things when he saw them, turning over tables when he saw them, and hitting people when he saw them. It fully meets people\’s expectations of \”naughty children\”. Seeing the child in this state, the mother grabbed him and just said, \”Why are you losing your temper?\” before handing him over to a childcare nurse. The child cried hysterically, pulled his hair, took off his shoes, and tried his best to resist, but no one paid attention to him. In the end, the nursery nurse used the \”naughty chair\” to subdue him. The video sparked heated discussions online, with netizens joining in the verbal and written criticism of the naughty child. This kind of kid is so scary. He might do something when he grows up. It\’s so terrible. As long as this kind of child cannot be beaten to death, he will be beaten to death! I have to make you docile and see if you still dare to act like a monster. It seemed that everyone was satisfied with the punishment, including his family. Finally, the child was asked to take the initiative to hug his mother, and everyone was happy to see it. But all I saw was deep helplessness, the disappointment in the children\’s eyes, which was empty and lifeless. We cannot imagine what kind of education this child usually receives to become like this. But what we can see is that when the nursery teacher educates the child, the mother stays out of the matter and watches with cold eyes, without any expression or expression; what we can see is that this child cannot even control his emotions or express them, and only knows how to use his most accustomed instincts. Venting – hitting people, yelling, throwing things; what we see is that all the adults stand on the commanding heights to analyze the children, but \”cannot hear\” the children\’s cries for help and inner collapse. From the initial venting of anger to the final lack of understanding, the adults stood on his opposite side from beginning to end, suppressing him with force, blaming him, and demanding him. In this game between adults and children, there is only one outcome destined from the beginning: the parents win and the children lose. American child psychologist Rudolf Drakes said: A child who behaves inappropriately is a child who has lost confidence. When a child loses confidence, he will have four concepts and signs: Seeking excessive attention: Only when I get your attention can I feel a sense of belonging. Seeking power: I only feel like I belong if I have the final say or at least not if you dictate to me. Seeking revenge: I won\’t get it, but I can at least make you suffer the same harm. Giving up on myself: There is no way I can belong, so I give up. If you observe carefully, you will find that the child in the video has taken up all four of these items. How sad and pitiful! When a child \”gets angry\” and seeks your attention and where he belongs, he is stabbed by adults and gets nothing. The one who gets hurt in the end is the child, and it can only be the child. Last September, my daughter went to kindergarten. This incident touches the nerves of our whole family. The smooth entry of our daughter into kindergarten has become our family’s top priority. Fortunately, she didn\’t cry much, and the teacher said she was doing well in kindergarten. However, when I got home, I seemed like a different person. I usually eat by myself, but now I don’t eat, and I have to be fed by others. I usually walk by myself, but now I don’t walk, and I have to be held by others. When it’s time to take a bath, I usuallyI just played in the water happily, but now I can\’t do it anymore, I just don\’t wash it; my temper becomes more and more irritable, I lose my temper when I don\’t agree with each other, and the fuss lasts for more than an hour without a break… Dad doesn\’t understand it very much, \”I used to do it. Okay, why did you become more and more squeamish after you went to kindergarten?\” To be honest, I understand my daughter. During the day in the kindergarten, she knew clearly that it was not home. She consciously controlled her emotions and worked hard to behave like an excellent child. Eat, sleep, go to the toilet, listen to the teacher, go to class, and abide by the rules of the game… At the end of the day, she exhausted all her efforts and became exhausted and upset. When she got home, she needed to vent. Adults lose their temper when they are stressed, let alone children. \”Any unlovable behavior is calling for love.\” When children are angry with us, it is actually the time when they need us the most. If we don\’t understand, blindly ignore her, or even criticize her harshly, how isolated and helpless she will be! After in-depth communication with my husband, we decided to face the child calmly and gently and give her a chance to vent. We had a pillow fight to release her bad moods and save her from being unhappy. Facts have proved that I was right. Amidst the crazy yelling and hitting, the child started to laugh heartily and showed a long-lost smile. After the game was over, I patted her back gently and hugged her without saying a word. She became unusually quiet, like an injured little angel who suddenly found a haven of healing. From then on, every time my daughter went to kindergarten, I would compare her to a warrior rushing to the battlefield, and home would always be her last retreat. I remember a scene from \”Reply 1988\”. As the second eldest son in the family, Deshan has the same tragedy as all the second daughters in the world: she always has to take care of her older sister and younger brother. The elder sister can eat poached eggs, but she doesn\’t; the younger brother can eat \”World Cup\” ice cream, but she doesn\’t; the older sister and younger brother can eat chicken drumsticks, but she doesn\’t. Even on her birthday, she had to celebrate it with her sister, because her and her sister\’s birthdays were only three days apart. After her sister\’s birthday, she pulled out three candles and continued to celebrate her birthday. Therefore, since she was a child, she has always hoped to spend her birthday alone. However, the wish did not come true, and this year is no exception. Finally, the grievance and sadness accumulated in her heart burst out. This was the first time she was angry with her parents. It was also the first time that she expressed her grievances. She is so eager to get her parents\’ attention and understanding, so eager for her parents to see her true inner needs, even just a little bit. The book \”Unconditional Parenting\” writes: The love parents give to their children does not require any return in any sense. It is just a gift, and it is a gift that all children should receive. Your child is angry at you just because he wants the gift he deserves – your love. Psychologist Li Xue once said: Seeing is the highest level of compassion. This \”seeing\” is not seeing the child\’s form, but the heart. The child is too young. When she has emotions in her heart, she doesn\’t know how to resolve or express them. She can only vent through the most primitive way, that is cryingTantrums and tantrums, just like when my daughter was in kindergarten. If his heart is not \”seen\” and he is severely criticized and suppressed, he will behave aggressively in severe cases, like a crazy and pitiful \”little monster\”. This is the time when children need us most. American writer L.R. Knost said: When children fall into big emotions, we need to share our calmness with them instead of joining in their emotional chaos. Therefore, what we have to do is to accept and understand the child\’s bad emotions, face the child calmly and gently, help him vent and transfer, and help him express his inner feelings. Pay attention to him, help him, and be by his side with love. Only in this way can we improve the child\’s emotional management ability, see the child\’s innermost thoughts, and establish a heart-to-heart connection with the child. To help children express their emotions, in fact, it is us who ultimately succeed. Finally, I want to share a little story with you, hoping that we can all feel something, understand something, and be moved. The little boy Hoss in \”Angry Soup\” has a lot of troubles, lives a very unhappy life, and is full of anger. But his mother didn\’t say anything, she just took him to make soup together. As the water came to a boil, Mom yelled at the pot and she told Hoss to do the same. They also grinned at the pot, stuck out their tongues, and banged the pot loudly. Then, the little boy smiled and breathed out his last breath of \”Fire Dragon Qi\”. The mother and son stood side by side like this, breaking up the unsatisfactory day.