When children are bullied, most parents do the wrong thing

There is a mother on my Weibo who posted a long Weibo thread early in the morning and started complaining. She said, \”I don\’t know why, but children are so aggressive nowadays.\” Last night I took Andy out for a walk, and a three- or four-year-old girl was riding a bicycle in the community. Andy looked fresh and stood there for a long time. Who knew that when the little girl stopped the car and got out of the car, she wanted to spank Andy. When asked why, the child actually said, \”My brother is not good-looking, so I want to spank…\” A few days ago, Andy was playing on the slide and walked a little slower when going up the steps. , without saying a word, the child behind directly squeezed forward and pushed him down the 6-story steps; in the end, the mother wrote a little excitedly: \”My mother has been working in preschool education for more than 30 years, and she used to always say I can’t understand why parents fight each other because of their children’s affairs, and I can’t understand when parents teach their children that if someone hits you, you have to hit them back. Now I finally understand…\” Why do some children just like to bully others? What this mother said, I think The vast majority of parents and friends should have the same or similar experiences. Seeing their children being bullied often makes them feel uncomfortable. I also don’t understand why some children always bully others and always take action. Steal other people\’s things? In fact, quarrels and fights between children are a normal phenomenon, especially for children in the age group of 3-7 years old. They will more or less quarrel and fight if they can\’t get it, and grab things if they can\’t get it. Taking action, even without knowing a reason, when they do not agree with each other. It can be said that there are very few children who have never taken action or lost their temper. On the one hand, children\’s self-awareness is developing at a high speed during this period. The self-awareness becomes very strong, but at the same time the ability to control emotions is very poor, so it is very easy to \”make trouble\”. Another reason is that their language expression skills are not strong enough. Some children speak slowly and have quarrels with their friends. , once he is at a disadvantage, he will take action to maintain his \”dignity\”. Part of it is also due to the adverse effects of the environment. It may be that he is often beaten at home, or his parents or elders may beat other children or rob him. The behavior of things is not guided correctly, and even invisibly increases the child\’s arrogance, causing the child to seek balance and \”fun\” from bullying others. Why are some children always easily bullied? As for children being bullied, Generally, it is because our children have the following characteristics: 1. Naturally timid and shy. A child of a colleague of mine is a shy baby. At home and in front of familiar people, he talks a lot, but once he leaves the house , walked out of the familiar environment, and immediately became a \”little lady\” who cherished words like gold. She was shy when meeting strangers, was embarrassed to answer questions from others, and liked to hide behind her parents. Not to mention hitting people, and being beaten. After the beating, he fought back. 2. Being overprotected. People of our generation had more playmates when they were young and were more \”wild\”. After school, a group of children would gather together and often make noises. But this kind of argument is also During the quarrel, I learned the skills of communication, negotiation and compromise. In the end I was happyXing has grown up. Today\’s children are different. The whole family often revolves around one child. When a child is bullied outside, he or she does not take the initiative to solve the problem and often passively seeks help. 3. Small strength and slow movements. Children in small classes in kindergarten are easily bullied by children in large classes, children in lower grades are easily bullied by children in higher grades, and girls are easily bullied by boys. This is all for this reason. Children who bully are also differentiated, and they will not easily choose a tall opponent. If our child happens to be skinny and small, then we should be careful. 4. Very polite and sensible. I know a mother. When her baby came home, she said that there was always a child in the kindergarten snatching her toys and books, and even scratching her with his nails. Of course the mother was surprised, and then told her child, tell the teacher to go ahead, or fight back. Who knew that the child would say: It is not good to snitch, and since I am an older child, it is not right for him to hit others, so I cannot imitate him, and I cannot hit others. The child’s mother said that her child was so sensible and she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Children are bullied and smart parents do this. In our country, there is a word called \”face\”. When two children quarrel or fight, I have seen many parents deal with it by criticizing their own children first without asking the reason, or directly letting the older child give way to the younger one, and the young master giving way to the younger guest… My dear What I heard, and which I completely disagree with, was a father saying to his child: If a slap doesn’t make a sound, if he hits you, then why doesn’t he hit others? The children are all our own. At the critical moment, if the parents do not support him, why do they turn their elbows outward? In the face of children being bullied, what we parents can and should do is to nip the problem in the bud and teach our children feasible solutions. For example: ☞[1] Role-playing parents can play various \”naughty kids\” with their children and assume various scenarios. In the game, children are taught how to negotiate, how to shock the other party loudly, and how to protect themselves in disputes. For example, if children often come to snatch your toys, you can teach them to say something according to the severity of the situation, such as: \”I can lend you the toy for a while, but I also want to play with your toy for a while\”, \”I I want to be friends with you, how about we play together?\”, \”This is my toy, you have no right to take it away\”, \”Please let go!\” Through games, children can be taught to distinguish between normal play, quarrels and The difference between bullying and violence can also teach children under what circumstances they can share and make friends, and under what circumstances they must loudly refuse and resist firmly. ☞【2】Teach your children to find support. I know a mother whose child was in kindergarten and had her pigtails pulled by a child sitting in the back. Then the mother told her child that if someone pulls your hair from behind the desk, whether in class or after class, you have to shout loudly: XXX pulled my hair! This way the teacher and other children will hear you and protect you. In fact, this mother\’s approach is better. Girls usually don\’t take advantage of boys when they fight, and during class, quarreling and fighting with each other will affect the progress of the teacher\’s class.It is better to speak out your reasons loudly and defend your rights. ☞【3】Teach your children to argue with reason and point out what is wrong with them in front of the “perpetrator”. Don\’t put yourself in an isolated and helpless situation, resist boldly and learn to \”mobilize the masses.\” Arguing with reason requires a certain amount of language expression and logical thinking skills. Parents and friends can cultivate their children\’s ability to describe events, grasp some elements, time, place, people, events, causes, processes, results, and tell them For children to express their emotions and demands, \”My feeling is…my request is…\” is to use well-founded facts to make the \”perpetrator\” feel stressed and ashamed. It is best to unite with other children to alienate them. \”The perpetrator\”, let the \”perpetrator\” know that people who bully people cannot make friends. ☞【4】Don’t cause trouble, but don’t be afraid of it. If your child is beaten, there is a lot of controversy whether you should fight back immediately. On the one hand, as the mother of my acquaintance said, it is wrong to hit people, and you cannot imitate him. It is also because our parents are not present in many cases. If the other party is tall and powerful, and his attacks are not serious or serious, and our children rush into a fight with the other party, it will be him who suffers after all. If an accident occurs, the consequences will be disastrous. You can tell your children to stay away from those who like to bully others. We can stop playing with rude and wild children. But you also have to tell your children that when trouble comes, they can’t be afraid of it. There is a saying: \”Civilization is the spirit, barbarism is the body.\” You can teach your children some simple self-defense techniques and tell them that you can fight back when you feel it is necessary. Your parents believe in you and will stand by you. Li Ka-shing, the famous Hong Kong entrepreneur, had an interview. In one of the words, he said this: I tell my grandson that if you can be a \”merciful lion\” in life, you will succeed! Kindness is your nature. You are usually kind, but your business will not be successful if you are just kind. In addition to being legal, you must also make money reasonably. But if someone is bad, a lion is capable of resisting. I think this is how a person should be. We still have to tell our children that the world is not only beautiful in fairy tales, but also has contradictions and conflicts. You can be a kind person, but kindness does not mean cowardice. When someone infringes on your rights, you must be brave enough to protect yourself.