When children fight, do you do the right thing?

One night, I took my son to play in the small playground downstairs in the community. There are not many play equipment there, just a slide and a few rocking chairs. But children like to play there because there are many children. This time the little guy was playing on the slide as usual, but a little boy blocked his exit. At this time, the son wanted to stand up, and the little boy\’s companions came over to block him. It was a girl about the same age as a little boy. Both of them should be only 4 years old. He looks smaller than his son. When the two men blocked him, he stood up suddenly and rushed out. At this time, the little girl chased after her and hit her with a wave of her hand. The little boy saw her taking action and helped her. This time, my son may have thought that they were young, so he stepped back while blocking them. I was afraid that the children would not understand the importance, so I ran over. \”You can\’t fight!\” As soon as I heard my voice, I saw my son\’s arms waving faster. \”Stop! They are younger than you, just let them go!\” \”They were the ones who made the move first.\” \”Dad saw it. You just protected yourself and did nothing wrong. But you can\’t be too forceful, as it will hurt the little ones.\” Brothers and sisters.\” Seeing the adults coming, the two little guys continued to play on the slide. \”You two can\’t fight with your brother! He is very strong and will hurt you.\” I also said to the little girl who started the fight. The night was very dark and it was difficult to see the children\’s expressions clearly. I know they didn\’t take it seriously. Of course, I also faced this little fight calmly. It’s just that when kids fight, what should we do? And what kind of preparations do you usually have to do? In fact, the key is just one: don’t hurt others and protect yourself. If parents can truly teach this concept to their children. Then there will be a lot less conflicts and school bullying. What kind of child is more aggressive? Psychologist Winnicott believes that children are born with an impulse to attack, which is already present in infancy. But parents can make their children\’s behavior less barbaric and more humane through some strict requirements and guidance. However, some children are instilled with the concept of \”never suffer a loss\” in their infancy. For example, a child accidentally falls while walking. The adult ran to the child, and before he even had time to help the child up, he stamped on the ground vigorously. \”It\’s all your fault, it hurts the baby.\” Seeing the adult\’s performance, the child may find it funny, so he also stomps the ground hard. If you are hit by a door or wall while walking, you should slap the door or wall. The floor, doors, and walls are silent and solid. Of course it won\’t hurt the child. But one day, his friend accidentally hurt him. He will also slap it involuntarily. Because it\’s your fault. Over time, it is easy to become an extremely self-centered person. I once met a child whose mother said he had no friends and didn\’t know why. Once he was playing with some children at our house. I saw that he really looked like a hedgehog. If any child touched him, he would immediately pounce on him. \”Don\’t touch me!\” \”You hurt me!\” \”I won\’t play with you anymore!\” These were the words he said the most. No one likes such a partner. In a group, it is always easier for those who are pickyBe marginalized. The result of marginalization is a high degree of narcissism or low self-esteem. It is also often easier to develop an aggressive personality. Because they want to protect their fragile and sensitive psychology. In order for children to learn not to harm others, the prerequisite is to learn to take responsibility. Once a child learns to take responsibility, he won\’t just point the finger at others. He will start to think about whether his behavior is reasonable and will it hurt others? Responsibility creates a sense of empathy. When children can consider issues from the other person\’s perspective, many conflicts will disappear. The older children will be more humble to the younger ones and focus on defense rather than attack. I remember once taking my son out to buy groceries. The boss\’s youngest son must be two years old. At the age when he feels he is the best in the world, he will hit his brother who is much taller than him. The son was a little confused at the time and did not expect that the little guy would take action. But he still backed away. Because I often tell him, \”When you meet children younger than yourself, protect yourself, because they are not sensible yet. They think they are powerful.\” Of course, how to protect yourself is what parents are most worried about. A mother told me that every time her son grabbed something from other children outside, he would sometimes be beaten by the other child, but the child would not do anything and would just let others take the toys away. Then he made a fuss in front of himself and asked his mother to get it back. Being a mother makes you anxious and you don’t know how to educate your children. Still remember the first time my son got into a fight with someone, and he stood there not knowing what to do? He was pushed and pushed by another child one after another. I didn\’t criticize him that day, but I still felt bad. So I think we need to train him, inspire his courage, and teach him how to deal with it. Teach him how to protect himself and maintain his things. On those nights, our family had an extra fighting game. Now it has lasted for a full year or two, and he even bought children\’s boxing gloves to practice defense and offense with him. I have always felt that boys must have a little bit of blood and cannot always be gentle. Otherwise, if you take your wife on the street in the future and encounter real danger, you must be able to protect the woman and not run faster than a rabbit. So it is very good when a father takes his son to practice together. This is also a rare sweet time between father and son. And it doesn’t require a professional level, it just takes half an hour of your time, a little bit of effort and wisdom. First of all, we must agree on the precautions for attack and defense. For example, you cannot hit the face, head, chest, or kick the crotch. Do not bite with your teeth or use your nails. These rules are very important. This allows children to know how to protect themselves and avoid hurting their partners during play. Of course, Dad has to control the intensity and rhythm. You can\’t hurt the child, and you can\’t let the child feel that you deliberately let him. Their little fighting spirit is actually very passionate. You also need to control the rhythm and don\’t let him lose all the time, otherwise he will lose interest. Of course you can\’t always let him win. And you will find that between winning and losing, you can also exercise your child\’s ability to resist frustration. During defensive exercises, teach children how to use their arms to block the opponent\’s punch. In this kind of game. The child\’s courage and confidence will increase and he will know what to do. So when he encountered two little guys attacking him at the same time, he alsoAble to deal with things calmly and calmly. He didn\’t hurt them and protected himself. Of course, parents\’ education and attitude are more important than children\’s playfulness. Because children\’s world is different from ours, except for a few naughty children who enjoy bullying other children, most conflicts and fights between children have nothing to do with \”bullying\”. So we have to take a relaxed view. Your child won\’t become a coward just because you didn\’t help him win. You won’t lose your confidence because you didn’t win. On the contrary, parents\’ extreme attitudes are more likely to have a psychological impact on their children. Or some unreasonable interference makes the child at a loss. Some people say, \”You cannot let your child be bullied. If he is bullied once and again, you must help him win back.\” A friend of mine said that his father-in-law once helped the children outside. Because his grandson was slapped in the face, he also slapped another child quietly. As a result, the child went home and told his parents, who then called in surveillance. The old man did take action. Has he really won the so-called respect and security for his children? I don\’t think so. Some parents even scold their children with harsh words, saying that their children are stupid and always suffer. He even pointed at the child\’s nose and warned him to hit him back next time. The result of this will only make the child more fearful and cowardly. When children fight, do you do the right thing?