When dealing with adolescent children, showing weakness is not weakness, but a kind of wisdom

My friend\’s child is in the second grade of junior high school and the summer vacation is about to end. I got new glasses last week and found that the number has increased a lot compared to last year. People who wear glasses tell them that wearing glasses every day will slow down the increase in prescription. My son was right next to me and could hear clearly. But when he got home, his son put his glasses on the table and didn\’t wear them at all. My friend checked the information on the Internet, and online experts said that the prescription will increase faster without wearing glasses, which is the same as what people who wear glasses say. I began to persuade my son to wear glasses, but his attitude was that as long as he was not going to school or looking at the blackboard, I would not wear them. And it’s particularly reasonable. Did you know that wearing glasses for a long time will deform my eyes and affect my appearance? It\’s plausible, you should check this. Many of our classmates only wear glasses in class. So the father and son had a fierce quarrel. The child feels that his father does not understand him, while the father feels that the child has become unreasonable. During the quarrel, the father suddenly realized that the children would not listen to such quarrels, which would only make the parent-child relationship more and more tense, and he felt very powerless. He walked downstairs and started calling me, \”What should I do?\” He really wanted to beat his son, but he knew that beating would be useless. I said your head-on approach obviously won\’t work, so try another way to communicate. Showing weakness to your son will definitely be more effective than this kind of head-on confrontation. My friend didn\’t understand that I was showing weakness to my son. My father\’s majesty was gone, so this method didn\’t work. And from now on, he will be the ancestor and I will be the grandson. This is the opposite. I explained that if you think you are fighting with your children, this is not surrender. Showing weakness is not weakness, but a strategy of retreating in order to advance, and it is a kind of wisdom. The friend calmed down and went home to show weakness to his son: \”Son, dad was too anxious just now. I shouldn\’t have spoken to you so loudly, making you feel that dad has to take care of you. In fact, dad only considered it in terms of the increase in degree and did not think of you. What matters is appearance and deformed eyes. We have different positions. Dad should consider your feelings.\” The child was very surprised when he heard his father\’s words. The son\’s expression was like the sun rising from the west. He never thought that his always majestic father would show weakness. The father continued: \”Son, you have grown up now and have your own ideas and opinions. Dad wants to hear your opinion. How do you think the problem of wearing glasses should be solved?\” The child began to think seriously. For once I felt respected and trusted by my father. The son said: \”To tell you the truth, when I took the measurement, I was surprised. Why did I grow more than 100 degrees in a year? My classmates said that wearing glasses for a long time will deform my eyes. In fact, I regret it.\” The father was serious. He listened quietly: \”Dad was very anxious when he saw your glasses on the table.\” The son said: \”I am also getting used to it. I originally planned to put it on after a while, but when you asked and didn\’t trust me, I will fight you hard.\” \”But I won\’t wear them.\” The father touched his son\’s head and said, \”I\’m sure you will wear them.\” After saying that, he stopped interfering with his son, and his son didn\’t wear glasses immediately. In the afternoon, he found his son going to the bathroom to look in the mirror. He took a peek. His son put on his glasses, and his face turned to the left, then to the right, then took them off, and finally put them on again, repeated several times. After putting it on for a while, my son seemed to think he looked handsome even wearing glasses. 02meWe often encounter parents describing their children this way. When the child was in elementary school, he was well-behaved, obedient, and had excellent academic performance. The parents also felt relieved. When the child entered the first grade of junior high school, he started to be a little rebellious, but he still listened to a few words. But as I grew older, I started to become rebellious in the second grade of junior high school. He is no longer willing to listen to his parents and always dismisses their teachings. In the end, the relationship deteriorated and we started to quarrel whenever we communicated. Parents are cautious and don\’t know that those words offend their children. The children also act like I am like this, what else can you do. The parents were very troubled by this, and they didn\’t know how to deal with this once obedient child. In fact, as long as parents make a little change and show weakness to their children, the children\’s hearts will open. Showing weakness is not weakness, but wisdom in easing relationships. As long as parents no longer always appear in an authoritative manner, but show weakness at the appropriate time with an attitude of equal respect, the relationship can be re-established. Then the children will be more willing to communicate with their parents, and the children will begin to understand their parents\’ good intentions and show their abilities more confidently. Showing weakness is not only a kind of wisdom, but also an expression of love. It brings us closer to our children and makes our families happier.