When educating your children, don’t forget to give him “psychological balance”

Wang Jinzhan, a special teacher at the High School Affiliated to the Renmin University of China, wrote about such an example in his book \”The Making of Chinese Talented Families\”. The general idea is that a student who came for consultation mentioned that his parents always let him study, but they watched TV and played on their mobile phones. This incident caused Teacher Wang to think, so he asked the students in the class, if your parents ask you to study, but you are playing, will you be mentally unbalanced? The student said \”yes\”. Not giving up, he went home and asked his daughter, because her daughter had always been very sensible and had never complained. However, her answer was still \”yes\”, which surprised him! He always thought that since his daughter was already a middle school student and his students were also high school students, there was no need for parents and teachers to say much about the meaning and importance of learning. However, he never expected that even if he understood the truth, he would still be \”psychologically unbalanced\”! So, he made an agreement with his wife and daughter to seal up the TV at home in order to create a better learning environment for his daughter. If you have made an appointment at a fixed time, it is better to watch it once every Sunday. On holidays and major festivals, you can open the seal and watch TV. If there are special circumstances, the whole family must agree before viewing. This agreement gave my daughter great comfort and gave her greater motivation to study. Dear friend, have you ever thought about this question? Do you have Teacher Wang\’s \”ideological awareness\”? In fact, the word \”psychological balance\” is a psychological term originally created by the Chinese. A normal mentality should achieve a psychological balance. However, in real life, our minds are often stimulated by the outside world, which can easily lead to a psychological disorder. \”Psychological balance\” means that people use sublimation, humor, externalization, rationalization and other means to adjust their understanding of the gains and losses of a certain thing. Around us, there are often such phenomena: children are studying at home, while parents are drinking and playing mahjong with friends at home; children are not allowed to watch TV and can only do homework and read books, but they watch secretly or openly; Ban himself wanted to take a break, but sent his children to various tutoring classes to continue learning. In such an example, parents think that their children understand the principles of learning, have the ability to be independent, have self-awareness, and can achieve psychological balance, so that the children can study by themselves and the adults can relax and rest. However, children are stimulated by their parents watching TV (or playing with mobile phones, etc.), which leads to psychological imbalance. Think about it, when you are busy working and doing housework, but your husband/wife is only playing with their mobile phones and watching TV, are you mentally balanced? Many parents say that learning is their children’s own business, and they must cultivate their learning consciousness from an early age. This view seems correct, but it is untenable. You see, sometimes you use your child\’s standards to ask your child, feed him, help him dress, and don\’t hold him accountable if he makes mistakes. But when it comes to learning, you say that this is the child\’s own business. Isn\’t eating and dressing him a problem? Is it the child’s own business? It’s true to cultivate consciousness, but have you cultivated it? With the words \”cultivate conscious habits\”, you can just ignore it and let the children learn by themselves. Are the adults going to watch TV? If you just say a few words about training, then you don’t need to worry about athletes or artistic geniuses. Just say a few words about sports.How should you act, what should you do when you draw, how should you act when you play the piano, and you will be able to become a champion? There is a method to training, it must be done step by step, and the starting point is companionship. Some parents also said: I have been at work all day and I am very tired. Can’t I just relax when I get home? However, the child does not understand this. Moreover, the child has also been to school for a day and wants to relax! Teacher Wang Jinzhan also shared such an example in that book. A senior high school student said that I was so tired from studying in school every day. I studied hard for more than ten hours, and I just wanted to sleep in on weekends. My parents accused me of being lazy and not working hard, and woke me up early. But I was too tired and my study state was not good when I got up. Everyone is lazy, and children are children after all. Put yourself in your shoes, if you have a lot of work at work and are so busy that you are dizzy, and you see your colleagues leisurely drinking tea and reading newspapers, will you be mentally balanced? At this time, you will think: Your colleague worked overtime yesterday to finish the work, and now he can relax for a while? Therefore, some children will say: I will never teach you (mom or dad) any more! Some children will say: Mom and Dad will let me study and watch TV by myself! Some children will say: Why do I need to study? Some children will say: It’s so unlucky to be a child! If you have to study and do homework, it’s better to be an adult! If a child has such a mentality, then even if he is well-behaved and obedient by nature and does whatever he is told; or he is intimidated by the majesty of his parents and dare not complain, he may still be dissatisfied and find it difficult to do his best. Once you understand the truth, can you do it? You forget – easier said than done. Did you also know that if you write 1,000 words a day, you can write a book in a year? You also know that you can successfully lose weight by just \”keeping your mouth shut and letting go of your legs\”! You also know that \”no pain, no gain\”! Why don’t I see you writing, eating less, and working hard! Not to mention children! Therefore, if you want to balance your children\’s psychology, make them proactive about learning, and make them have no objections to their parents, start by accompanying them. I read a story about Gandhi: A mother wanted to ask Gandhi to persuade her son to eat less sugar, which is bad for his teeth. But after bringing her son all the way to Gandhi, Gandhi promised her, but asked her to go home and come back a month later. The mother was puzzled, but she couldn\’t break it. A month later, when I arrived at Gandhi\’s place, he told me not to eat sweets anymore, and the child listened. My mother didn\’t understand why she didn\’t tell her last time but had to wait until a month later. Gandhi said that because he also wanted to eat sweets when he came last time, he was not qualified to ask others not to eat sweets. We have a saying in China: \”Don\’t do to others what you don\’t want others to do to you.\” As a parent, if you want your children to do something, it\’s best to do it yourself first. Just like Gandhi, when he tried to change others, he would ask for it first. change yourself. Like teacher Wang Jinzhan, he doesn’t watch TV with his daughter, but reads and studies. That\’s how convincing it is. Later, Teacher Wang Jinzhan discovered that after her daughter was admitted to Peking University, she no longer had plans for herself. In order to let her daughter understand that getting admitted to Peking University is a new starting point, not an end. Life is about continuous hard work and progress. Teacher Wang is how to do it? ——When he was successful and in his forties, he still decided to apply for a doctorate from the Chinese Academy of Sciences. Faced with his daughter\’s confusion, even distrust and ridicule, he persisted in studying. A year later, he received the admission notice and took practical actions to guide his daughter to set new goals. From then on, my daughter took the initiative to start a higher plan and unremitting pursuit in life. Text｜One third