When I helped my son find a \”sense of value\”, he finally started to study hard

How tiring is it to have a child who doesn’t like to study? I believe many mothers have experienced this. In order for him to study hard and develop well in the future, his parents spent most of their time and energy on him, and the entire family\’s living arrangements also revolved around his schedule. But what is painful and puzzling is that in the end, the child is not only ungrateful, but also eager for you to disappear from his eyes! My son is 13 years old this year and has just entered puberty. The relationship between us is becoming increasingly tense and often in a state of tension. I can\’t stand his careless attitude and his lack of interest in learning; he hates that I always stare at him and scold him every day, and always mention his studies and grades whenever I open my mouth. I don’t like to follow him behind him every day, nagging him non-stop, but there is nothing I can do about it. If I don’t keep an eye on him, he really won’t learn! It was okay when I was in elementary school, but since I entered junior high school, the learning tasks have been heavy, the pressure has been high, and the difficulty has gradually increased. Even if I rush to do my homework after school, it will be past ten o\’clock when I finish all the subjects. But what about the son? The fire was burning to his eyebrows, but he was not in a hurry. I am not very good at studying. After returning home from school, I have to watch TV for a while and eat some fruit snacks after dinner. After procrastinating for a long time, I finally moved my butt to the stool, but I still couldn\’t get into the learning state! Either I pick up my phone over and over again, or I stare at a book in a daze. Therefore, from morning to night, I can\’t help but tell you a few words: listen carefully in class, study to improve efficiency, don\’t look at your phone all the time, and use snacks when doing homework… But my son not only doesn\’t appreciate it, but actually seems like I made a mistake. , deliberately going against me. To put it lightly, people will turn a deaf ear and not even raise their eyelids. If you rush you, I will slow down mine; to put it seriously, they will fight with you with a white face and scream, which can make people angry to death. The final exam ended last semester, and my son did very poorly. When I picked him up from school, he was sullen and silent the whole time. When I asked him how many exams he got, he pretended not to hear and didn\’t answer at all. I don\’t study hard, and my parents will look down on me if I don\’t do well in the exam. It\’s simply unreasonable! I was so angry that I went home and secretly called the teacher. Only then did I find out that my son was at the bottom of the class in every subject and was close to failing math and English! The teacher told me that my son’s state at school was very poor. He didn’t pay attention in class and always acted out: “He doesn’t like to learn himself, and he also affects the classmates around him. He always likes to talk to his classmates.” I understand the meaning behind the words. I understand, if my son still behaves like this next semester, we should consider changing his seat. I blushed when I heard this, and quickly promised my son that he would definitely improve his attitude towards learning, and asked the teacher to pay more attention next time. After hanging up the phone, I turned around and went to find my son to settle the score! As a result, they are concentrating on playing games, and the disappointment of not doing well in the exam has long been forgotten! Fire surged into my heart, and I rushed over, grabbed my son\’s cell phone, and threw it to the ground: \”Why do you still have the heart to play, ah? How can you continue to play with peace of mind? You know what the teacher thinks. Yours? A bad student who interferes with other people\’s studies!\” \”If I were you, I would raise my grades just to win.\” \”If you really don\’t like studying, don\’t study!! Go deliver food, don\’t spend your parents\’ money all day long, and waste time while enjoying such good living conditions! \”My son was also annoyed. He picked up the mobile phone on the ground and threw it down with all his strength. The broken pieces bounced all over the floor! His veins popped out and he yelled at me: \”Okay, I\’ll go work. Don\’t do it.\” regret! Let me tell you, don’t think that I will be grateful to you if you let me study every day! I\’m already bored to death! \”In the fierce conflict, a conversation broke up unhappily. The next day, the son went directly to his husband and asked to take a leave of absence from school to work. He told his father that his life was \”too stressful, he didn\’t want to go to school, and he wanted to work to support himself. Own. After my husband comforted his son, he turned around and complained to me: \”You don\’t have to make a lot of money these years. You spend all your energy on your children. Why do you control your children like this? They have to drop out of school?\” \”After hearing this, I was both angry and sad. I felt sad for a moment and felt that life was meaningless! I have always considered myself a responsible mother. I didn\’t expect that my son would be so resentful of me now. My husband said with a few words of relief, All my efforts over the years were wiped out! What did I do wrong? After a week of tossing and turning, I began to look for solutions to deal with the rebelliousness and boredom of adolescent children. Things that had never been figured out gradually became clearer. It turned out that paying too much attention to the child\’s learning status and pushing the child\’s schedule would actually aggravate the child\’s dislike of learning and lead to his passive resistance. \”In adolescent children, self-consciousness begins! Awakening, they know that what their parents say is right, but they don’t want to do it because they resist orders in their hearts and don’t want to be manipulated by their parents. “A sense of autonomy and control is a basic need for people’s mental health. Only children with autonomy will have intrinsic motivation and self-control and take initiative in learning. \”And those children who are deprived of their autonomy are prone to problems such as procrastination and being tired of studying. They range from passive resistance to rebelliousness and truancy.\” \”Unexpectedly, the problems that I have always looked down on in my children – not liking to study, not being active, procrastinating and slowing down work, are all caused by me over time; and those behaviors that I thought I was responsible for my children, I just stared at them and nagged, Supervising children\’s learning… is essentially self-improvement. It\’s not too late to fix the problem. How can I reverse my son\’s study-weariness and completely eliminate his desire to drop out of school? You can check out the two specific improvement strategies below. Next: Maintain a positive attitude, understand the child with kindness, wait patiently, and help the child \”reconcile with the tiredness of learning\” 1. Maintain a positive attitude, understand the child with kindness, and protect the child\’s interest in learning. In fact, no matter how negative and bored the child is now, How they want to lie down, but when they were young, they all had a positive heart. They persevered in setting up blocks, listened to stories attentively, and wanted to do their best in everything at hand. But when they entered the learning stage, they often failed because of their parents. The use of wrong education and interaction methods, such as anxiety, nagging, urging, preaching, etc., suppresses children\’s enterprising spirit, especially when \”achievement is king\”.Today, if you don\’t do well in a test, you will be scolded, which makes your children stressed out and makes them tired of studying. As a result, the more parents pay attention and supervise, the more rebellious and disgusted their children become, and the parent-child relationship enters a vicious cycle. Therefore, parents should look through their children\’s \”rebellious and tired of learning\” appearance to understand their fearful and helpless hearts, not maliciously interpret their children, and use a positive attitude to encourage and understand their children. The worse the children are, the more we need to care about their psychological feelings. Don\’t let the temporary shadow of performance spread to the psychological level of your children. As long as they remain physically and mentally healthy and don\’t resist learning, they will still have a chance to counterattack. Therefore, the first thing I do in the following daily life is to protect the child\’s self-esteem, let him respect himself, create conditions for him to feel that he is no worse than anyone else, let him love himself and think that he has the potential to learn. , also have other potentials, prospects, and abilities to create a happy life. When a child feels respected, considered, and supported, he will no longer seek outside, but start to focus on his heart, and he will want to make a difference. And this is the so-called internal drive, which means that children have a need for self-realization, a spiritual goal, and a passion for life! 2. Wait patiently and help your children to \”reconcile with their boredom\”. Remember this sentence: Our children do not necessarily really have to give up on themselves and lie down completely! They were probably doing \”sit-ups\” and when they got tired, they lay down to rest for a while and refresh themselves. Therefore, parents need to accept the fact that \”my child is indeed tired of studying and needs time to experience inner confusion and conflict\”, and then wait patiently to give the child time to sort out his mood. At this time, if the parent is impatient and wants to cut the knot quickly and reverse the situation immediately, it will only aggravate the child\’s confrontational mood, stimulate the child\’s rebellious psychology, and worsen the problem. But waiting does not mean waiting passively without doing anything. Parents should also observe carefully, effectively help their children solve problems, overcome difficulties, and give their children positive feedback. Show your child an attitude of \”I am willing to provide you with all help and support and will always stand behind you\”. Pay attention to your child regularly and ask him how he feels. I found that after actively understanding my children, they began to open their hearts and were willing to accept my help and suggestions. Slowly, things are moving in a good direction. My son\’s state is in sharp contrast to the past: before, I watched my son study every day and often made myself very angry, but my son couldn\’t even complete his homework seriously, and his academic performance was also terrible. Now, I give my son full trust and autonomy, actively affirm him, understand him, and point out his progress in a timely manner. Today, my son is like a fully inflated balloon, full of motivation every day. In a few months, my son\’s learning status and relationship with me have improved a lot. The school’s teachers also confirmed the son’s progress during this period of time in subsequent communications. She was surprised by the great changes in her son. After listening to my story about taking the initiative to learn, she highly praised my determination to make complete changes and work hard to grow: \”If only parents could be like you and realize that they play a role in their children\’s learning. function, let goIf we change and learn from our inherent concepts, I think the status and destiny of many children will be different. \”Later, I also organized several parents of classmates in my son\’s class to make improvements together and grow together. Because after this period of study, I deeply realized that on the road to parenting, only having a heart of \”being good for the children\” , is far from enough. If the wrong educational concepts are used, the more careful the parents are, the more injured their children will be. Only by mastering scientific educational concepts and correct communication methods can we solve the problem and help children \”change their lives.\” Like”, I hope our children will get better and better, and our family and life will become happier!