When I let go of my anxiety and became a \”positive\” mother, my adolescent daughter\’s dislike of studying and rebelliousness disappeared.

My daughter has not been going to school since last year. Like many children who don’t like to study, she has a lot of problems. The main reason for suspending schooling is that the child is excluded in the class. Her classmates always beat her up and the teacher does not recognize her. When I go to school, she always complains that her stomach hurts and asks me to ask the teacher for leave. I usually have trouble concentrating in class, and I procrastinate on my homework. Moreover, the learning efficiency is very low. I often write until midnight, and finally finish writing in a messy way. At that time, I didn’t understand the real reason why my children were tired of studying, so I always stood in the position of a teacher and lectured my children. I stubbornly believed that it would be good if my child could go to school. I never thought that I should stand on my child’s side and support her unconditionally and help her. Sometimes when I see her looking unmotivated and unmotivated, I really hate that steel cannot be transformed into steel, and I always have to scold her severely to relieve my anger. After entering the first year of high school, her dislike of studying became more and more intense, and her grades dropped sharply. I would then lose control of my emotions and teach her harshly. Later, the child became completely disappointed with me and began to drop out of school. In fact, I am very angry. Why can other people\’s children go to school well but she can\’t? I even blame her in my heart. NO.2 After calming down, I realized that I seemed to be getting more and more irritable and anxious, and sometimes I would get upset over the smallest things. Realizing this, I found that I had to make changes, so I did two things: First, allow my children to take a break from school and receive psychological counseling. Second, find yourself a professional psychological counseling agency, learn scientific parenting models, and learn to vent repressed emotions. At first, I searched online to see if there were any good educational methods, and also started to read some educational books. Later, through the recommendation of a friend, I discovered that Mom Psychology is a professional organization that solves the problem of adolescent children being tired of learning. After listening to a few classes of Teacher Mowei, I began to calm down and learn how to change my own parenting style. When I first entered the camp, I felt that all the child\’s problems were her responsibility. I didn\’t know how to solve them, and I would only feel anxious and at a loss. Through study, I realized that some problems are caused by parents\’ inability to guide and communicate. Parents need to grow up to help their children put aside their anxiety and study seriously. After a period of study, I found that there are two main aspects that I need to change: 1. Adjust my inner emotional state, become a supporter of unconditional acceptance of children\’s emotions, and no longer blindly blame; 2. Help children reshape their outlook on interpersonal relationships. , find the inner motivation for learning. Looking back on my child when she was a child, I started my journey as a stay-at-home mother from the time she was born, taking good care of her. Everything as small as what to eat and drink every day, what time to sleep, whether to cut my hair, whether to wash my clothes, and as big as what kind of middle school to choose, all the details are handled by me. As the children grow up, many conflicts gradually become apparent. On the one hand, the child\’s ability to take care of himself is very poor. After going to boarding school, he was always laughed at by his classmates. She wasn\’t much better at studying. The more she was urged to study hard, the more she refused to study and even became addicted to videos on her mobile phone. As long as I say: \”I don\’t ask you to be the first in the exam, but I ask you to study hard and be worthy of my efforts.\”. She would respond impatiently: \”Stop talking, I know.\” \”When my daughter sits down and starts to study, I always urge her and habitually use criticism, accusation, and nagging to educate her, and rarely give encouragement or praise. As a result, the relationship between me and my child has become worse and worse. Worse! As soon as I opened my mouth, she pushed me out of the room and locked the door, which made me almost mad. Later, I realized that when I was angry, it was more about venting my emotions and not doing anything at all. How can I ask my children to be obedient and make changes in this way? Fortunately, I did not give up my belief in becoming a good parent, and began to study and listen to the lectures continuously, and gradually became familiar with the \”53321 Psychological Parenting System\” proposed by Teacher Mowei. I also realized the problems and deficiencies in my daily education. Finally, I made changes, and my daughter also changed dramatically due to my changes. NO.31. Raise your own \”inner child\” and regulate your own. After a period of psychological counseling, I also realized that the child\’s psychological problems are actually the parents\’ psychological problems. Secondly, the child\’s ability to deal with emotions is relatively weak, because I always ask her to endure and rarely guide her to vent her emotions correctly. Therefore, children always have a \”one size fits all\” approach to emotions. When I was a child, I grew up in a \”suppressive education\”. My mother always said how good other people\’s children were and never praised me for my \”sense of unworthiness\” and \”acquiredness\”. \”Helpless\” has always been with me. After I got married and had children, I subconsciously \”projected\” my mother\’s wrong parenting model onto my own children. I thought that the children might be getting sick on my behalf. So when I started to take care of myself, the children When I learned this, I began to live with awareness. Whenever negative emotions appeared, I used the \”communication during doctor consultation\” mentioned by Teacher Mowe to think: Is this problem the child\’s problem or not? My problem is to clearly define where it belongs, and to help the child without asking for help. In the family, emotions are fluid. When the child detects the negative emotions of the mother, she is afraid and sensitive. This is a state. , it is difficult for children to have a good parent-child interaction with their parents. Moreover, the children\’s emotions and attention will also be consumed in responding to the parents\’ changing emotions, and they cannot calm down and focus on learning. Only when my emotions are calm and stable. Only then can I see the true side of the child. My daughter told me about her panic when she was isolated at school, her grievance when she was misunderstood by the teacher, and her helplessness when she was not understood by me. Find out where your child’s heart is. I learned a method of regulating emotions from Mom Psychology, which is very useful. First, when you are emotionally overwhelmed, you should first leave this tense environment, drink water, and find out what is going on in your heart. By naming your emotions with the names you have learned, you can better detect and channel your emotions. Secondly, use the principle of unconditional acceptance to allow yourself and others to have negative emotions. In this way, you will get better. I feel more and more confident to answer the questions raised by my children, and I feel more and more energetic and enriched. 2. Use a magnifying glass to see the children’s strengths and enhance their sense of value.Her attention was still involuntarily focused on her daughter\’s \”problem\”. But gradually, I found that this method is very useful. I would tell her: You took the initiative to get up early today and tidied the room really clean. Every time after dinner, you would take the initiative to wash the dishes and wipe the dishes for me without me reminding you. Desk; You started to take the initiative to take online classes, and you were very attentive. Your homework efficiency has improved a lot… After more than a month, I found the results. When my daughter first went out of school, she was always sloppy and she only took a shower once a week. But now she always tidies herself up neatly. She even started to ask me to find some online classes to study, so that I can slowly catch up with my classmates. schedule. When a child\’s \”feeling\” about life and learning improves, she will naturally no longer reject learning and will be more willing to do things with her heart. 3. Respect your child’s friendship choices. My child has a wide range of friends, is sincere to his friends, and loves face. Every time she brought friends home, I never criticized my daughter in front of her friends, which gave her enough face. Before, I was worried that my children would not be able to distinguish between friends. Teacher Mowei said that good social interaction is a \”buffer container\” for children\’s emotions in adolescence. No matter what kind of friends they are, they are the children\’s psychological needs. What parents have to do at this time is to break out of the \”anxiety circle\” and provide support and guidance for their children\’s peer interactions. Parents\’ weakening control over their adolescent children and concerns about unknown outcomes can easily lead to various anxieties, which can more easily lead to poor parent-child relationships, and can even lead to children being extremely dependent on peer interactions and truly out of control. At this time, we must first establish a relationship of respect and trust with the child. Only by understanding what the child is thinking and gaining acceptance from the child can we possibly help the child guide the direction. In a short period of time, my daughter has changed a lot, and I have also changed a lot. My whole person has become very peaceful. The whole family said that I am in very good condition. Now, my daughter has returned to school. She has been very motivated to study in the past few months, and the parent-child relationship and family atmosphere have become better and better. NO.4 Puberty is a period of pain that children and parents experience together. In labor pains, children stumble all the way from childishness to maturity, from dependence to independence. We are also in the pain of labor, constantly peeling off, exiting gracefully, and changing from the \”all-powerful care god\” of our children to the \”guardian\”. When we accompany our children through this hurdle with a peaceful attitude. I believe that one day, the child will emerge from the cocoon and become a butterfly, with the strength to overcome obstacles and the ability to walk alone for a lifetime! If your child has entered adolescence and has problems such as being tired of studying, being rebellious, addicted to mobile phones, not wanting to go to school, or even being depressed and dropping out of school. If you want to have in-depth communication, you can make an appointment for psychological counseling. Your confusion will be responded to as soon as possible.