When I understood the \”South Wind Effect\”, the rebellion of adolescent children disappeared and their learning motivation increased.

I have long heard about the power of adolescence, but I never thought that adolescent children would be so difficult to manage. My son is 17 years old and a sophomore in high school. From an obedient and obedient child to a violent and angry teenager, it seems like overnight. I gradually realized that I couldn\’t control him anymore. Whether it\’s studying or daily life, whenever I give advice, I will always get my son\’s disapproval. It seems that nothing I do is right, and as long as I open my mouth, it is wrong. I asked him not to look at his phone, to do his homework quickly, to seize the time, and to wear more clothes. Which of these things was not for his own good? But he didn\’t appreciate it and opposed me everywhere. Of course, I will not condone his rebellion, I must convince and reprimand him – I am your mother, I don\’t believe it, can\’t I cure you? My husband has advised me in private many times not to be too forceful with my son. He is in adolescence and is rebellious by nature. As long as his parents are tolerant and patient, he will be fine. But I don\’t agree. If he is allowed to do whatever he wants now, he will have no control over it in the future. What\’s more, he is so careless about studying. If I don\’t keep an eye on him, will he study hard? My mind is all on my phone! The more my son refuses to change despite repeated admonitions, the more I want to correct him and want to scold him with all the unpleasant words to stimulate his self-esteem. For a long time, there was a strong smell of gunpowder in the house, and quarrels would break out late at night over disagreements, making it known to everyone upstairs and downstairs. One weekend, my son said he had a lot of homework and didn\’t want to attend cram school. He had to catch up on his homework at home. As soon as I came home and entered the door, I saw him hiding his cell phone in a hurry. My lungs were about to explode, and I wanted to kick him: Didn’t you say that you have a lot of homework and you have to do it at home? Is that what you wrote? Don’t you know what you usually study? Why are you so embarrassed to look at your phone and so shameless? How did I give birth to such a thing like you… Unexpectedly, my son was even more angry than me. He rushed over quickly and roared at me: Can you shut up! Shut up! Try scolding me again! His eyes were red, as if he was going to punch me in the next second. At that moment, I was shocked and angry, and I was really frightened by my son. In the days that followed, although my son and I did not quarrel again, we became completely strangers. Every time I see my son\’s indifferent look and bored eyes, I feel cold all over: Is this still the cute, cute little boy who clings to his mother? Over the years, I have sacrificed so much for my son, but he wants to wave his fist at me? Even though I was sad, I also realized that I had to make changes. But I really can’t figure it out. It’s obvious that my son has done something wrong. I criticized him a few times, all for his own good, but why doesn’t my son appreciate it and is still full of resentment towards me? Thinking of my son\’s terrible look that day, I felt so wronged and sad that I couldn\’t help but cry. Looking back now, I realize that in educating children, criticism is not the purpose, but a means, so that the children can gain strength instead of being dejected. Scientific criticism can convey the values ​​​​of parents to children, inspire children\’s enterprising spirit, and awaken inner motivation. Wrong criticism will pour negative emotions onto the child, destroying and attacking his heart. There is a famous law in psychology called the \”South Wind Effect\”, also called the \”Warmth Law\”, which refers to dealing with people in a gentle and warm way.solve problems more effectively. The same goes for educating children. The more you blame, judge, and insult your child, the greater the harm will be to the child and will only stimulate the child\’s rebellious psychology; only by seeing and accepting the child with a warm and peaceful attitude will the child be willing to cooperate with his parents and follow guidance and suggestions. . Only then will the changes you want happen. It’s not that my son can’t hear criticism, it’s that he can’t hear my “criticism”. In order to suppress my son\’s rebellion and focus on his studies, my criticism of my son was full of blows, derogations, and even personality denial: You really don\’t have to be strong! How did I give birth to a thing like you! Can you please have some facial expressions? My original intention is to use strong medicine to stimulate the child who has no food and salt and correct his bad behavior. But unexpectedly, these hurtful words did not inspire, but destroyed the child\’s dignity and confidence, constantly reminding him how bad he was. In the end, the child simply broke the rules, refused to listen to my discipline, and allowed the problem behavior to continue. What should parents do to ease the relationship with their son and help him get through his rebellious period smoothly? In fact, as long as we fully respect children and use scientific methods to guide them, we can encourage children to reflect on themselves and then change. 1. Focus less on the child’s problems, blame less, focus more on the child’s strengths, and affirm more. After entering adolescence, my son became more focused on appearance. He has his own preferences on what hairstyle to wear and what trendy clothes to buy. The pace of the morning was already tense, and when I saw that I was almost late, he was still fiddling with his hair unhurriedly, and I became furious. \”Who will pay attention to you? Go out quickly and focus on studying!\” Because he cares about appearance, we often quarreled. Now I realize that no matter how hard I criticize or scold, I will never change my son. So, I changed my education method, making less accusations and more affirmations. One day, my son queued for an hour to get a haircut like a chicken coop. When I got home, I looked in the mirror again and realized that I was not studying at all. I was anxious, but resisted the urge to criticize. I said to him: Is this a popular hairstyle for men now? I see a lot of boys doing it. But it seems that my son is still the most handsome. The son was very happy to hear this. I went on to say: You are like the top student I was in high school, with a good image and good study. As long as you want to do something, there is nothing you can\’t do. I think actually as long as you think about it, nothing can trouble you. The son nodded. From that day on, my son\’s attitude towards me became much more relaxed and he was no longer always ready to fight. He also obviously invested a lot in his studies. This is the \”sandwich effect\” in psychology. First appreciate and encourage the child\’s strengths, then give appropriate suggestions or different opinions, and finally give affirmation and trust. If you make suggestions based on praise, children will feel that this is well-intentioned, and they will be more willing to accept suggestions and take the initiative to correct their shortcomings. 2. Give less guidance to children, less reasoning, and more sharing of parents’ growth stories and experiences to set an example for children and let them see the correct direction for improvement. In the process of educating children, parents often care too much about their children’s problems and hope that through Your own criticism and guidance can enable children to quickly correct and do better.To the best. But in fact, it is difficult for children to listen to blunt truths and life tips. The more severe the criticism and the more accurate the guidance, the more rebellious and confrontational emotions will be stimulated in children. Sharing your own experiences with your children can effectively point them in the right direction. One day, my son was confiscated by the teacher because he was watching anime in class, and his parents were invited. While driving him home, my son was a little apologetic and said sorry to me. Instead of criticizing him, I shared with him an episode from my high school days. When I was in high school, during a self-study class, I couldn\’t study, so I secretly read romance novels. I was fascinated by the book when suddenly the book was taken away. I looked up and saw that it was the head teacher, \”Really, it\’s not an exaggeration. At that time, my mother felt that all the blood in her body had solidified, and she was so scared that she lost her mind.\” My son\’s embarrassment to me Very interested, urged me to talk quickly. I told him that later, the teacher said that he did not need to invite parents, but he needed me to agree to one condition: to be extremely serious in school. Every day when you are tired of studying, think about your commitment. \”When I heard that I could not invite your grandma, I was really grateful and wanted to kneel down to our class teacher. Your grandma would kill me if she found out. Later, whenever I couldn\’t study and wanted to escape, I would think of my promise to the class teacher. I persisted day by day, and finally became more and more proficient in my studies, and then I was admitted to a key university.\” My son said thoughtfully, \”I didn\’t expect that you, a top student, would read romance novels when you were tired of studying.\” I said yes, if I had continued to indulge in it, I might not even be able to pass the college entrance examination. Now that I think about it, studying has changed my destiny. The son nodded, now you earn more, and you even changed your house for grandma, everything has to start from a key university. The next day happened to be Mother\’s Day, so my son secretly ordered flowers for me and delivered them to the company. Colleagues were all envious, saying, oh, what a sensible and good boy. I am also very happy, it is sweeter than drinking honey. When I picked him up from school, I teased him, was it to thank my mother for not criticizing you yesterday? My son smiled sheepishly and said, \”Not exactly.\” I found that when I let go of my condescending attitude and shared my experiences and mistakes with my children, my son changed more than I did in the past. All done thoroughly and effectively. After easing the relationship between mother and son and adjusting my communication methods, my son\’s learning status is getting better and better. Only a child who is respected and trusted by his mother can burst out with strength from within and become a proactive person. A serious adolescent rebellious crisis has finally come to an end. After experiencing it, I discovered that as children grow up, they will inevitably have various shortcomings and problems. In adolescence, if parents do not use scientific education methods and still use control, suppression, and demands to confront their children head-on, it will only intensify the problem, push the children further and further, and make the rebellion more serious. What we need to do is not to use harsh criticism or hurtful language to force children to correct themselves. This will only destroy the child\’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Instead, stand with your children, share experiences, affirm progress, and fill the relationship with trust and warmth between parents and children. Only in this way will your children look forward to you in the warm south wind.direction to move forward. If your child has entered adolescence and has problems such as being tired of studying, rebellious, addicted to mobile phones, not wanting to go to school, or even depressed and suspended from school, etc. If you want to have in-depth communication, you can talk to the teacher in detail, and your confusion will be responded to as soon as possible. Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!