When my children act up and don\’t obey the rules, how do I make the little devil behave and become cooperative?

If we had a remote control in our hands that could \”remote\” our children, what function would you like? Anyway, I want to press pause or fast forward when my baby is crying or making trouble…haha! When a mother is sleepy and tired, she will be upset if her children do not cooperate or obey. The key is that we are very contradictory: insisting on it means a \”fierce battle\” that may be endless; compromising, but we are afraid of bad things. rule. How to teach children rules in a principled manner without damaging the relationship with them? After many battles, I have summarized a core principle and four steps, which are effective and loving in actual tests. If you find it useful, you can also try it:) For example, just yesterday, my daughter who is 2 years and 9 months old and I Xiaoye, there was a dispute over the use of iPad. Before this, we had an agreement about using electronic devices. I would ask her how long she would look at it, and then set the alarm. When the alarm went off, she would usually come back to me in a hurry. But it didn\’t work yesterday. After watching it for 4 minutes, she said, \”Mom, I haven\’t finished playing yet. Can I come back for another 2 minutes?\” She looked very sincere and cute, so I agreed. I confirmed with her again and again that I would return it in two minutes, but the alarm went off. When it rang again, she didn\’t want to… I took the iPad back, and she immediately cried and rushed forward to fight for it. The scene was very chaotic… The core principle mentioned above is \”kindness and firmness go hand in hand\” in positive discipline. \”In other words, you must have a good attitude towards your children and at the same time adhere to the bottom line of principles without compromise. Why \”parallel\”? Because they are too firm, children will feel that adults are controlling them, do not love them, and are unwilling to get close to their parents. But if you have a good attitude towards your children, they will think, Oh, my mother is just correcting a behavioral mistake of mine. She is very insistent on this rule and sticks to her word. It is useless no matter how much I make trouble, but I know that my mother is not It’s not that she doesn’t love me anymore, she is still talking to me gently and pleasantly. \”Baby, I love you, but I\’m sorry, the answer is \’No\’, it can\’t be done.\” To sum up, this is the sentence. When actually communicating with the child, you have to use combination punches to be more effective. 1) Affirm the child\’s feelings: Use the sentence pattern \”You feel (feeling word)…because (state the fact)…you want (state the child\’s wish)…\”. I said, \”Yi Zi, you feel very angry.\” You can also repeatedly confirm the feeling words, \”Well, you are very uncomfortable\”, \”You are very sad\”. The more you confirm the feelings, the more the child will feel understood and the emotions will be better. be assuaged. \”It\’s because mom took away the iPad and you want to play with it for a while longer.\” Or, \”It\’s because you haven\’t played enough yet and you don\’t want to give it back.\” 2) Affirm the emotion and emphasize the rules. It is okay for children to have any \”want\” thoughts. Do not suppress this, but having an idea does not mean that you must do it. Desires are desires, and rules are rules. \”You can want to play for a long, long time, but the time we agreed on is up, and mom can\’t give it to you anymore.\” This trick is also applicable to many occasions, such as eating snacks and asking for toys. \”You can eat as much as you want.\” Snacks, you can want to buy lots and lots of toys, but you can’t.” I sometimes give myFor example, empathize with your child, \”Mom wants to play all the time, but she can\’t, she still has to work.\” 3) Express \”I love you\” in various languages. Looks, pats on the shoulders, hugs, kisses, or words allow children to receive our messages of love. I took Xiao Yezi in my arms and stroked her back up and down, \”Mom, hug the baby, Mom loves you, Mom will always love you.\” Sometimes I would kiss her. The above three steps are all to fully \”connect\” with the child. They need to be used alternately and may take a long time. Whether we can persist and not give up all our efforts depends on our endurance! When you feel that your child\’s emotions are slowly calming down, you can move to the next step. 4) Correction and encouragement. Because the previous connection has full respect, understanding and comfort, it is equivalent to establishing a trusting relationship with the child. If you reiterate the rules at this time, the child will be more likely to accept it, and it must end with encouragement to strengthen the child\’s positive attitude. Behavior: \”So little Ye Ye can want to play, but he must also remember the agreement we made with his mother before. What is our agreement? What will happen when the alarm goes off? Okay, we will play next time.\” \”Thank you for your cooperation. \”, I hugged Xiao Yezi tightly, \”Thank you for your willingness to abide by the agreement.\” It seems to be full of routines, and the steps are not complicated, but the key to practice is patience and a positive attitude at the bottom: it is not to force the children. Instead of giving in, guide your children to cooperate with a respectful heart. Please click here to enter a picture description. I found that the most test of \”kindness and firmness\” is not at this moment. It is when the whole family wants to get involved in educating the children and their ideas are not unified. Children are particularly easy to observe words and emotions and find the best solution. The one that is easy to \”break\”. Back home these days, my parents and I have had many disputes in this regard. My experience is to ask them to let go for a while, observe the effect of doing so, and help you establish your authority. For example, after several experiences of sitting on the bed and eating at her grandma\’s house, little leaf suddenly refused to go to the table to eat a few days ago. She refused to listen and made all sorts of noises. I knelt down to face the child, speaking calmly but firmly – \”Yi Zi, mother told you that it is meal time and everyone must eat at the table. I know you want to eat in bed. You think this rule is very strange.\” I hate it, but this is the rule of our family. You can eat at the table, or not, you decide. Mom respects you, and mom loves you.\” \”Mom is going to eat at the table now. If you want to eat, you can come over. , you can also skip it and eat it tomorrow morning. We only have food at the dining table during dinner time. If you miss it, you have to wait.\” In this way, whether she was rolling on the bed, making trouble, or running to the dining table to pull We all smiled at her, and sometimes touched the children, but we refused to compromise and continued to eat our own food…guess what? Ten minutes later, the child came to the table by himself… Although my parents had a hard time and almost gave up their efforts several times, they finally relented when they saw the child eating, \”You still have a way.\” I touched Ye Zi\’s head and talked to her softly. Said, \”Thank you for sitting at the table by yourself. We are so happy to eat with you!\” The little guy was encouraged and shook his head a few times.I am proud of it 🙂 I have always felt that the process of raising children is not easy, but the more time you are willing to spend at the beginning, teaching rules, and cultivating children\’s self-discipline, the easier it will be later on. Even for babies, the \”connect first and then correct\” method is effective. Let alone children, we also like to be understood and respected. When correcting, you can say \”no\” less, use more positive language, and tell the child what to do; you can also let the child make choices instead of commands.