When raising children, how many parents make it an arrangement to accompany them?

The grass is bearing its seeds and the wind is shaking its leaves. We stand and it is very beautiful without talking – Gu Cheng\’s \”Before the Door\” What is companionship? Companionship means actually having someone listen when you want to talk, someone who will echo you when you want to share, someone who will be happy with you when you are happy, and someone who will comfort you when you are sad. Companionship is like a heater, as long as you are close to him, you will be warm. Although I can\’t speak, I can feel the warm, unyielding and firm love. Companionship is the peace of mind that as long as I turn around, you will always be there. Therefore, Gu Cheng said: companionship is to quietly watch the process of grass forming seeds and wind shaking leaves together during the lifetime between heaven and earth. Companionship is quiet and peaceful. It does not involve or disturb you. It just simply accompanies you, making you feel at ease and dependent, so that you will not be lonely. True companionship is a companion who enjoys life together. Xiao Yu\’er has been with the nanny most of the time since he was one and a half years old. Although they are all at home. But, at that time, I was very busy. I go out early and come back late every day. Occasionally when I have some time, I just want to relax and have a rest. Even if the little fish comes to me, I lack the patience to accompany him. Slowly, Xiao Yu\’er\’s walking posture, speaking tone, and the way he looked at people were exactly the same as the nanny who took care of him. I seemed to feel that this child was gradually becoming no longer my child. When he was in preschool, one day, the school required parents to attend a parent-teacher meeting. As usual, I asked the nanny to go instead of me. Xiao Yu\’er quit, with tears on her little face: \”Mom, how many times have you missed my first time!\” I didn\’t expect how the child could say this, but what I remember is: I My heart was hit hard. Yes, during the years when the nanny took care of him, because of the nanny’s dedication, I was extremely relieved to take care of Xiao Yu’er. Even though Xiao Yu’er was right in front of me every day, everything about him was almost impossible to find. to the traces of my participation. The child gradually became withdrawn and irritable, sensitive and had low self-esteem, and was harsh in language. He did not like to get close to me, and he no longer wanted to get close to the nanny. Sometimes he even said to the nanny: \”Leave me alone, you are just hired by my mother.\” The child said this When he was sleeping, he hurt the nanny who had been looking after him and woke me up. I thought that as long as the child had someone to accompany him, it would be fine. However, what the child wanted was not external companionship, but a spiritual companion. Because he lacked a fellow traveler who could face this strange world with him, his originally cheerful heart gradually became melancholy, introverted, sensitive, and impatient. If we continue to let it go, I don’t know what Xiaoyuer will be like in the future. Many people have grown up before their children understand what it is like to be a parent. I spent more than two years hesitating, and finally made a difficult decision: to put down my job, grow up with my child, feel his growth trajectory, and participate in every step of his life. Accompanying a child does not mean putting down everything, staying with the child, helping the child manage their food, clothing, housing, and transportation, and taking care of everything. If we think that children only need to concentrate on studying and do not need to worry about anything else, then we will be called nannies by another name and have no influence on the spiritual growth of children.It plays a practical role in helping. I am very afraid that I will become the kind of nanny mother who arranges everything. I have the final say in everything about my child. He is just a walking puppet beside me. In April 2014, Chongqing Satellite TV launched a reality show called \”Speak Out.\” In the program, there was a female doctoral student who spoke at the top of her lungs, and every sentence she spoke was an accusation against her mother: She accused her mother of taking care of her clothing, food, housing, transportation, learning and love, since she was a child, until now she is 30 years old. Even though she was older, she was still in charge of her marriage and had more than 50 blind dates in half a year. Her facial expression is distorted, her voice is angry, and there is no love or gratitude in her. For more than 30 years, her mother, according to normal people, has worried about her and taken care of everything. But what I never expected was that after years of hard work, I would be rewarded with resentment and accusations from my children. The mother said that she had given up a lot for her child and had been accompanying her child to grow up. Now that her child has become like this, she is also very sad. But I feel that this is not companionship, but a mother replacing her child\’s life with her own desired life. Such companionship will definitely be an ungrateful harvest. Gibran once said: Your children are actually not your children. …They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts. What you can protect is their body, but not their soul… Every child is an independent individual. When they come to this world, they are like a lively seed with strong vitality. After we let them break out of the ground, they need to face and adapt to the sunshine, rain, dew, wind, frost, rain and snow, the warmth of spring breeze, and the sharp autumn wind… all of which they need to face and adapt to on their own little by little. What we can do is accompany them to welcome nature\’s carving process for them, but you cannot bear it on their behalf. Eventually, they can grow their own flowers. Because the process of life is the process of a flower blooming. And all the efforts in life are for a flower to bloom. In fact, what do children need most? The most common answer from children is: \”Mom and Dad\’s company.\” It will never be a luxury car, a big house, or a pile of money. What children need most is the companionship of their hearts and souls. This is the truest answer, because in this strange world, children come to join their parents. Let our children have a safe home in this vast land. This home is not material, it is where our hearts are. Money can never represent love, and toys cannot make up for the presence of parents. At the end of last year, because several classmates in Xiao Yu\’er\’s class ganged up to bully other students, they punished all the other boys in the class. Therefore, as a representative of the parents of the students, I went to the school to meet and communicate with the dean, the head teacher, and the parents of these students. There was a leading student among them, who was thin and short, with a black and yellow face, and two extremely flexible eyes that kept looking around. But among this group, he is the one who takes the lead in bullying, so he can be considered the boss. After listening to what we said, his mother stood up and bowed to us student parent representatives.Bow, tell us: \”I\’m sorry, my child is too naughty. I always discipline him at home. If he makes a mistake, his father and I sometimes beat him until the broom breaks, but he is still like this. Let me first replace my child. The child apologizes to you.\” I stood up hurriedly and ducked aside: \”I\’m sorry, eldest sister. It\’s not that I\’m unkind, but I think the child is almost 12 years old and already has strong cognitive abilities. He should be more aware of himself. You should learn to behave responsibly. You should not and do not need to bear this mistake for your child.\” I put my arm around the child\’s shoulders: \”Look, you have grown up, and you are almost in aunt\’s ears. In a person\’s life, Reading is second, and being a human being is the most important. How well you read books can affect the way you can choose; however, being a human being is a path that affects your whole life. If you bully a child now, your parents can stand up for you, but wait The older you get, even if your parents want to stand up for you, they won’t be able to stand up for you, because if you do this again, you will definitely have to go to a juvenile labor camp.\” I added: \”People must be responsible for their own actions, so You must also apologize to your classmates for what you did to them. It is completely useless for you to apologize to the aunts, because you are hurting your classmates and your friends, not the aunts.\” The child\’s His expression gradually became serious. Perhaps, before this, his parents had stepped in to solve the troubles he had caused, and they had never thought that he should be responsible for his actions. Later, he apologized in class to all the children he had bullied. It\’s been more than a month since the second semester started, and I specifically asked Xiao Yu\’er if that child still bullies other children. Xiao Yu\’er said happily: \”No more, and I have a very good relationship now.\” All parents in the world can accompany their children, but they can never replace their children, nor can they let their children replace you. As children grow into adults, they must learn to hold them responsible for what they do. As parents, we must always understand our responsibilities and obligations and must not exceed the rules. I am just an ordinary mother who only hopes to add a beautiful touch to the childhood of my children in the passing years. Growth is irreversible, and you won’t be asked to take care of your children again when they grow up. I don’t want to be an outsider. I believe that I will not regret it in the future. I have been with my child during the years when he needed me most. Because the best love I can give my children is companionship. I accompanied him to face growing pains, solve learning problems together, watch the clouds roll and relax, flowers bloom and fall, feel the cycle of the four seasons, and observe the various conditions of the world. When spending time with him, I often have the feeling that he is not my child, but my friend. Even though he is still young, many times, his views, opinions, and occasional words or two can enlighten me. Sometimes I think that it is not me who accompanies him, but he who accompanies me, giving me a sense of concern, comfort and peace of mind during the long lonely time. The happiest time is the time I spend with my children.