When sharing is painful, are children still willing to share?

I believe that the first lesson for children in kindergarten may be to learn to share, because the teacher tells the children that only sharing can turn one happiness into two happinesses, or even many happinesses. Children are very obedient to the teacher, so whether they like it or not, everyone must share with each other in kindergarten. And because everyone shares, there will be no major disputes or differences between each other. The children can get along happily, and they will not feel that there is any big problem with sharing. Of course, the premise is that everyone shares it. In life, many parents also want their children to be people who are willing to share. On the one hand, they feel that there are few children, and they hope that through sharing, their children can make good friends, preferably the kind that can become lifelong friends. The affection cannot be cut off casually; on the other hand, we also hope to cultivate the child into a broad-minded and sunny child, so that such a child can be accepted and recognized by more people in society. Parents’ ideas are not wrong. The starting point and end point are for the future and better growth of their children. But whether the child is willing or not, parents do not pay too much attention, because many parents think that since we are doing it for the child, the child is still young and he does not understand, we must teach him this way, and he will understand in the future. The problem is, when a child does not understand that sharing may bring many benefits, and the sharing in front of him becomes his pain, and he does not feel happiness, will he still share willingly? Does sharing still play a role? Sometimes forced sharing may bring negative effects to children, and it can also be deeply ingrained in children\’s hearts and affect their choices when encountering problems. In fact, it has invisibly affected the healthy growth of children. When my son was young, because he only had one child, he always wanted him to be a child liked by many people, so he was always taught to know how to share when playing with children. Always tell him that if he shares, his happiness will increase, and more children will be willing to play with him. But one summer evening, my son was playing with many children downstairs in the community. They played war games and kept running. They were tired and had dry mouths. The son said generously: Come, come to my house for ice cream. The children came happily after him. Seven or eight children sat in my house, one for each child. Before leaving, some children insisted on taking another one. The son took it out and gave it to the children without hesitation. After quenching his thirst and cooling down quickly, his son took the children to the small building. Who would have thought that the children thought it was too hot and went home one after another. At this time, the son felt that he had been left aside. His original intention of having fun again was in vain, and he went home crying. He choked and said: Why did they eat my food and go home? Why didn\’t they play with me? At that time, I persuaded him that the children had gone home to eat, otherwise their mother would be worried. Besides, the weather was too hot, and the children also needed to go home to cool off. They could not run around outside all the time, otherwise they would easily suffer from heatstroke. Although the child was unhappy, he nodded in understanding. My son has a good friend, and we happen to be neighbors. Whenever they are downstairs,When he is tired from playing, my son will ask him to come to our house. Whether it is a box of yogurt or a cup of homemade honey grapefruit tea, my son will happily share it with him. Moreover, every time this child finished his own portion, he would also eat his son\’s. When his son looked at his own, he would always give it to his friends generously. But after my son visited his house a few times, he was no longer willing to take him to my house to share delicious food. I was very curious and asked him why he didn\’t bring his children. He said unhappily: \”When I was at his house, he ate alone and never asked me if I wanted to eat. Even though I knew you wouldn\’t let me.\” I eat other people\’s food at will, but he doesn\’t share his stuff with me, and I don\’t want him to share mine. And he doesn\’t let him touch his toys, he only lets them look. \”A child\’s world is actually very simple. What they focus on is nothing more than toys and snacks. In fact, they are a bit greedy and always think other people\’s things are more delicious and fun. Once they feel like they\’re constantly sharing without getting feedback, the joy becomes a pain. In my son\’s words, \”I don\’t feel happy when I give the things I like to others, and my happiness is only half.\” When I retort that children will get happiness, aren\’t those two happinesses? He said that it was his mother\’s happiness, but he was not happy. Yes, we often ask our children to share happiness, but we don’t consider whether the child is happy or not. We consider more about the feelings of adults. We originally hoped that he would be a child who is willing to share, but we did not expect that he would become more preoccupied. This was not our original intention. In fact, when a child is growing up, regardless of his young age, he actually has his own opinions. In the process of contact with this society, he is constantly perceiving what this society has given him. When he feels the friendship from others, he will be very generous in giving friendship to the other person; when he finds that the other person is unfriendly, he will also be sad. When he feels the children\’s willingness to share, he will naturally be willing to share willingly, but once his willingness to share is thwarted, he will shrink back and refuse to give himself away selflessly. At this time, we don’t force him to share, but slowly guide him to view the child’s actions correctly and understand that for some things, just because the other person is not doing well enough does not mean that his own approach is wrong; nor does it mean that the child’s approach is wrong. That\’s right. Teach him to treat someone well out of his own willingness, rather than requiring the other person to repay him. Of course, if the child is not willing to share, we must also admit that the child has selfish motives. Even adults can\’t share without any emotion, so why do we have to force our children to do things that even adults may not be able to do. Moreover, in the growth process of a child, there will be a stage when he is constantly perceiving and perceiving which things belong to him, and he can have his own rights, and this right is sacred and inviolable. So, it is understandable that he wants to have it. We cannot require children to mature prematurely just because adults are mature. This is against the law of children\’s growth. Only children spending time with friendsIn the process, he was joyful from the bottom of his heart and was willing to share the happiness selflessly. This kind of happiness naturally turned into two, or even more. Therefore, when a child is unwilling to share, please respect the child\’s selfishness. That may not necessarily mean that your child is a selfish child. It may mean that your child is not familiar enough with the children, and he has not yet reached the level of giving. The degree of his own love, and he may care very much about the things you bought him. In the trade-off between exclusive use and sharing, he chose to protect his own rights and interests. This shows that he has an independent self-awareness, which is actually understandable. , remember not to order him to share for no reason. Fan Deng said: When sharing is already a pain, is he still willing to share? The answer is definitely no. What adults can do is to first respect the children\’s choices, and then find the right time and occasion to educate the children, rather than forcefully giving orders for their own sake. Otherwise, it will leave psychological consequences for the children. Shadows will affect the healthy development of children\’s minds.