When you denounce your parents, your children will also denounce you.

The rise of psychology suddenly made \”original family\” a high-frequency vocabulary. Many people attribute all their current unidealities to their \”original family\” at many times. It was my \”original family\” that created my wrong way of thinking, wrong behavior patterns, wrong ideas about mate selection, wrong personality and temper, and all the wrong things about me that I am unwilling to accept from the bottom of my heart. This attribution is well-founded. If children are compared to plants, then the family atmosphere is the soil and parents are the gardeners. Anyone who has grown flowers knows that each type of flower requires different watering frequency, watering amount, lighting time, fertilizing frequency, fertilizing amount, whether it needs to loosen the soil, etc. Some of the same flowers and plants, depending on the people who care for them, dry up after only a few days, while others can stay green all year round and bloom in full bloom at the right time. This is inseparable from the soil, climate, environment, hard work or laziness provided by the gardener, and whether he understands the characteristics of the plants. Without the hard work of the gardener, some flowers and plants will soon wither, some will barely survive for a few days, and some will still maintain vigorous vitality. Such as cactus. There is no choice in plants, an orchid is an orchid, a narcissus is a narcissus, a cactus is a cactus. However, people are different. Whether you have been a delicate orchid, blue rose, water lily, or an ordinary spider plant, pothos, or cactus, once there is no suitable soil and a gardener who takes good care of you, you can become a cactus. The cactus has thorns, is not as delicate as the orchid, and is not as pleasant as the blue rose, but it has strong vitality – this is the only magic weapon to survive in the world on its own. I often heard a saying when I was a child, the body of a young lady depends on the life of a maid. I didn’t understand at the time, since it was the young lady’s body, how could it become the maid’s fate? In TV dramas, aren’t maids serving young ladies? If the young lady becomes a maid, won’t the maid have nothing to eat? As I grew up, I gradually understood that the correct interpretation of this statement is: You think you have no worries about food and drink, and there are people to take care of you. In the end, isn’t it just working hard and running around for half your life? You thought you were a noble orchid or a rare water lily, but when you woke up, you found out that you were a universal spider plant or pothos. After you rubbed your eyes and woke up, you found that even spider plants and pothos couldn\’t be made. They needed someone to water them. Water, and you, can only do cacti – which can grow tenaciously in the desert. The difference between people is after waking up. Some people do not want to wake up and stubbornly dream of their orchids, blaming their parents for not providing the soil suitable for their growth, not giving them careful care like other gardeners, and not cultivating themselves into the noble and proud orchid nature. . It is the material and spiritual poverty of the \”original family\” that turns me into a dog\’s tail grass at the door that sighs to the sun and weeps in the wind. However, can complaining about your \”original family\” make you return to your orchid nature? Can you turn back time and do it all over again? Can you turn your parents into what you want them to be? Obviously, the answer is no. No one can change the past! When you complain about your \”original family\”, have you ever thought that if you were put in your parents\’ position, you might not do better than them. More than ten years ago, I had a roommate who had very good grades but had an extremely negative attitude towards life. Just talk in bedWhen her parents are mentioned, she will look up at the ceiling with compassion and say, I don\’t plan to have children in the future. Just muddle through this life. The reason is that although she only has two siblings, her father has been working in other places for many years and her mother has been working in the fields for many years. They live like children without a father and a mother. Menarche coincided with the physical education class on the first day of junior high school. As soon as he ran out of the classroom, a sharp-eyed male classmate exclaimed, \”Ah! Your butt is bleeding!\” Then, a group of classmates gathered around and some students even whispered about \”pants\” They are all red and seem to be bleeding a lot. I don’t know if I will die.” At this time, the physical education teacher (she said that luckily she was a female teacher) was in the corridor and quickly ordered the students to disperse. He took her back to the dormitory, dealt with the \”bloody incident\”, and popularized physiological hygiene knowledge on the spot. She said that because of this incident, she could not hold her head up in class for a long time. Whenever my classmates spoke in a low voice, I always felt like they were talking about me, and I felt that \”bleeding\” was a shameful thing. Later, I studied medicine and gradually grew up, and the worries I once had were slowly resolved. However, I still can\’t help but blame my parents for not providing myself with a good growth environment, not giving myself the education I deserve, and allowing myself to have a few bumps and bruises along the way. She even has no confidence in being a wife or mother in the future. At that time, everyone was in their youth and did not think there was anything wrong with her idea. The most they could say was to comfort her: Don’t be too pessimistic. Many years later, she changed her major, moved to a city, got married, became a wife and became a mother. When we met again, we were much calmer and calmer, just like the two we had hoped for more than ten years ago. Talk about family and kids. She said that she remembered complaining about her parents for many years. Now that I have become a parent, I realize how difficult it is to start a family. At that time, my family was poor and had no choice but to live thousands of miles away and go out to work. I once heard him say that he didn\’t want to leave his wife and children, but he had no choice. Money is needed for daily expenses, money is needed for favors, money is needed for medicine and medical treatment, money is needed for children to go to school… The family has more than ten acres of land, and grandpa is in poor health. Grandma has to take care of grandpa, wash and cook, and serve the whole family. Only my mother, who works in the fields all day long, is forced by life to have no gender. My brother and I both went to college, and our parents earned ten yuan for tuition and living expenses, and we saved every penny without borrowing a penny from relatives or friends. To be fair, if I were like them, an uneducated farmer for generations, without any school education, living under a palm-sized sky all my life, surrounded by a group of people like them, I would be able to do my best to provide for my two children. Go to college instead of letting them get off school early to help with the work? What could I do better if I were in their shoes? The answer is, not necessarily. Their ideas are also created by the times, and they are also natural persons under specific historical conditions. They have no choice in their way of thinking and behavioral habits. And we have more choices. We discuss \”original family\” in order to understand our own strengths and weaknesses. It’s to understand your own growth process. It’s to understand why you are who you are. It is to maximize strengths and avoid weaknesses within the feasible scope and continue to grow. It is to understand parents better and understand them. It’s about understanding your own limitations and accepting your imperfect selves. It is to be aware of your own thoughts and behaviors and get along better with your loved ones. It is to release one’s emotional buttons and become a calm mother (father). Not to denounce parents. After many years, you will eventually understand that if you were in your parents\’ position, you might not be able to do better than them. And what will happen to your children? Should we continue to condemn it from generation to generation? Or should we just withdraw here and live our lives without regrets? Finally, I would like to say that we will not despise or embarrass those disadvantaged people who have been overly harmed by their families and are unable to resist the environment in which they grew up. They are not included in the discussion. They are a group that needs external help. More care should be given to them. Before you step out, please don’t force or ask for anything.