When you secretly admit that your child is not that good…

Every pair of parents will have ardent hopes for their children: when they go swimming for the first time, the father has already begun to imagine that his children will grow up to become good swimmers and dominate the pool. The child hears the unconscious rhythm of the music, and the mother has already imagined a huge stage. Under the spotlight, the child\’s figure jumps and nimbly moves. When the child turned over for the first time, he was so happy that he danced with joy; when he called daddy for the first time, he was so excited that he could not speak coherently. However, with more social activities, other people’s children can use sippy cups, so why can’t ours? In kindergarten, other children can learn gymnastics immediately. Why is it that my child is still not proficient after learning it for a week? After being promoted to elementary school, other children easily got 95 points, but my child only got 85 points. It\’s so embarrassing! What would you do if one day you find out that your child is not the genius you imagined, but is ordinary or even a little \”bad\”? Our school treats \”bad\” children a bit cruelly. Many teachers lamented that those who still keep in touch with them after graduation and maintain deep relationships are often not the top students who received the most praise when they were in school, but the so-called \”bad students.\” why? Because the treatment of \”underachieving students\” is really bad, when a teacher goes out of his way to \”save\” them, he must be grateful; while top students are used to being in the spotlight and are accustomed to teachers\’ preferential treatment. When \”poor students\” were caught late for class by the Political and Education Department and were scolded for being useless and bloody, the teacher \”redeemed\” them by giving them kind words and persuading them instead of adding insult to injury. Just such a small thing will become a reason for many \”poor students\” to thank their teachers. They said: \”I didn\’t study well back then. No one treated me as a human being. Even my parents beat me and scolded me. When I gave up on myself, only my math teacher looked up to me. So how could I not be grateful?\” Last year, I heard that a primary school in Beijing asked for rankings. The elementary school student who was last on the list went home to his parents and went to the hospital to get a certificate of mental retardation! Because of low intelligence, students can be excluded from the overall class evaluation so as not to affect the school\’s overall ranking. In my mind, a scene like this emerged: the classmates gathered around a few \”poor students\”, laughing, \”Look at those retarded students, haha\”, with tears in the corners of their lowered eyes, and their red faces began to Gloomy, silent, inferior, clenched fists with nowhere to rest. I wonder if these children, who are called mentally retarded, will grow up and look back on this unbearable past. Will the wounds they are trying to heal be torn apart again? How much effort will it take to resolve the helplessness and desolation? . When you find that your child is not that good, can you do it like him? Zhou Zhiwen, a former professor at National Taiwan University, wrote an article called \”Watching for My Stupid Daughter Until She Blooms\”: His eldest daughter was slower than expected in terms of learning and worldliness, and her reciting of poems was full of mistakes. , I was promoted to elementary school in a daze and forgetfulness, and became a middle school student in an ordinary school. Later, I was admitted to a music high school. Because I failed in my studies, I was ridiculed and ostracized by my classmates. I experienced a birthday party where all my classmates were absent, and I experienced the thought that I had become a flag-raising student. However, it turned out that she had to be replaced temporarily because of the rain. When she entered university, she gained and lost her admission because of mistakes in university admissions.Zhidan finally went to an unknown university amidst all the difficulties. However, the couple never gave up on their daughter because of her slowness and stupidity, nor did they dislike her. Instead, they cared for and guided her. Later, their daughter unexpectedly regained her confidence in an ordinary university and took the initiative to release herself hiding in the shadows into the sunshine. Then she went to the United States for further study until she graduated with a Ph.D. If my child is such a \”stupid\” child, can I be like the author and still support her, understand her, and care for her when the whole world seems to have abandoned her? Can I, like the author, firmly remove all worldliness and doubt from my eyes, and only believe in my heart that this is my child, and what she needs is my love, not the approval and admiration of others? Like the author, I can use patience to guard a different seedling, which may have been sentenced to never bloom beautiful flowers. Regardless of the ridicule and ridicule outside, I have been irrigating it for ten years without asking for flowers. Do you just want her to be healthy and green? When I thought of this, my heart suddenly sank. Maybe I will be anxious? When I spent all my savings and took on loans for decades to buy a house in a school district, and the teacher called me and said, your child has memorized the multiplication table 50 times and still can’t memorize it; when his little friends Although he was admitted to a key high school, he was still wandering around in an ordinary high school; after graduating from college, other colleagues proudly showed off that their children had entered the Fortune 500, but he was just a clerk; I could really hold my head high and calmly. Chest, love my child without any impurity, instead of blaming or forcing? When you find that your child is not that good, in addition to helping him improve, more importantly, you should correct your own mentality. No matter whether your child is good or not, you are his strong backing. China’s school education is a blend of various social factors and cultural backgrounds. It is burdened with too many grades and the urgency and anxiety caused by entering higher education. It is too difficult to ensure that every child is treated well. All give the same care. Parents of \”bad\” children really need to have a very firm heart to be his strong backing. I saw a description about Cool Mom on Zhihu: A gay boy was publicized about his sexual orientation by his classmates. The school believed that this behavior was morally corrupt and affected the school spirit, so it called the boy’s mother to the school and tried to punish the education, but the boy’s mother looked at her Staring at his son firmly, he said word by word, \”My son is gay, but this does not affect his pursuit of the stars and the sea. Please respect everyone\’s choice.\” The boy suddenly raised his head and faced his mother. A confident look. However, the attitude of many parents is anything but. A university teacher I know said after his child was admitted to college that he was too embarrassed to come to work because his colleagues’ children were all from Tsinghua University and Peking University, and only his child was a second-year undergraduate. It was so embarrassing. He described the child as a rebellious son with no future and an unfortunate family background. . Yes, you dedicate your best to the baby in your arms. When he does not repay you with excellence and excellence, you are disappointed and angry, which invisibly kills the once vibrant eyes. When your child is poor, the ostracism and doubts from the world around you make you doubt your own value, so you rush out to curse and destroy. You project your loss of control and anxiety about reality onto defenseless children, hoping that theySuccess allows you to regain control of the world around you. You can tolerate your own ordinaryness, but you can\’t stand your children\’s ordinaryness. You can stop at your own lack of progress, but hate your children\’s contentment. Zhou Zhiwen wrote: \”Education should give the educated knowledge. This knowledge should teach children to discover themselves and affirm themselves. Education should find ways to build a person, not destroy a person, at least make him content and happy. Instead of making him lost or sad.\” Every child should not be given up. What should you do when you find that your child is not that good? I tell you, do it coolly. Let go of your obsession with the top student and don’t force him to continue his unfinished dream. Instead, strive to become a more mature parent, both materially and psychologically. In this way, when your child does not take the ordinary path, you will be better financially. You won’t be stretched thin, and you won’t be psychologically influenced by other people’s children. When you become financially independent and mentally determined, your children will have more choices and a stronger backing!