When your baby enters kindergarten, are you anxious, or is the baby anxious?

I feel a sense of relief when I think about school starting tomorrow. Because I was still on maternity leave after giving birth to my younger brother, Rooney and I spent time together during this summer vacation, and only then did I truly understand the difficulty of being a full-time mother. Spending a day with a super energetic kid who can power on for 5 hours in just 5 minutes will drive you crazy every minute! I count the days until school starts every day, completely forgetting my completely different mood when Rooney first entered kindergarten. Until a mother in the WeChat group asked: Sisters, do you have any recommendations for children’s books that can alleviate separation anxiety when entering kindergarten? Among a bunch of book list information, I saw a reply from a mother: Are you anxious, or is your baby anxious? Haha, really hit the nail on the head! In the first week of kindergarten, the cries of new students and the reluctant expressions of parents are a sight to behold in kindergarten. Do you still remember Ma Yashu in \”Mom is Superman\”? When she sent her daughter Mia to kindergarten on the first day, she cried more sadly and harder than the child. The teacher wanted to take the child away by force, but she refused to let go, crying and shouting: \”Mom is here, mom is watching you.\” That scene was really comparable to a separation between life and death. After returning home, she spent the whole day worrying about her daughter\’s kindergarten life, and even came up with the idea of ​​going to her daughter\’s school to be a teacher. She said: \”Although I know that she must enter the society, take care of herself, and get along with friends. But I am still worried about whether she will be left out, whether her self-esteem will be affected, and whether she will be able to interact with her friends.\” If we don\’t get along well, will we be bullied, will we be hurt…\” Perhaps Ma Yashu\’s way of saying goodbye was too exaggerated, but these words speak to the aspirations of all parents of new kindergarten students. When children enter kindergarten, it is not only the children who have separation anxiety, but also the parents. It is even the excessive anxiety of the parents that causes the children\’s anxiety. There has never been an era when parents paid as much attention to their children as we do now. In the past, it was good for parents to make their children well fed and well clothed. Now, we not only want our children to eat well, but also have comprehensive and rich nutrition. We not only want our children to dress well, but also dress them beautifully and tastefully. . In addition to material things, we should also pay attention to the spirit of our children. In addition to focusing on the present, we should also look to the future. We try our best to learn all kinds of parenting knowledge, wishing we could give all the good things in the world to our children. Our attention to our children is pervasive, and our anxiety is magnified countless times. When a child enters kindergarten, enters society for the first time, and truly leaves our arms for the first time, crying and anxiety are normal things, but we feel like the sky is falling. On the first day of sending their children to school, parents like Ma Yashu may still be in the minority, but I have seen with my own eyes that many mothers burst into tears as soon as they turned around after waving goodbye to their children. Some mothers, Hiding in a corner outside the campus and secretly watching their children, reluctant to leave… Why are so many parents anxiously asking how to reduce their children\’s anxiety? Because we feel that this emotion is abnormal and we cannot accept the child\’s crying, we try our best to suppress it. In fact, 99% ofWhen children first enter kindergarten, they will cry and fuss, sooner or later. Children who are sensitive to the environment will cry from the first day. Children who are not so sensitive to the environment may not react until a week or a month later – they will have to stay in kindergarten for a long time in the future. Various discomforts. No matter when your child cries, it\’s normal. Think about it, when you suddenly face a strange environment, face a bunch of unfamiliar people and things, and realize that you have to get along with them for a long time, you will feel nervous and anxious, not to mention such a young child? Facing the normal crying mood of children, we do not need any intervention, we just need to accept it calmly. If we say goodbye to our children calmly and leave without looking back after saying goodbye, the child may not be able to accept it for a while, but slowly he will learn from the attitude of his parents that although separation is temporarily sad, it is not painful. He will gradually learn to say goodbye to us calmly and happily. If we are like Ma Yashu, who cannot bear the temporary separation from our children and is filled with anxiety, guilt, and contradiction when faced with the child\’s crying, then the child will definitely not be able to bear this separation, so every time he goes to school, it will be as if he is parting from life or death. . Teacher Xiao Wu said that a child\’s state is often a mirror image of an adult\’s inner state. What an adult is like inside is what a child will be like. If we cannot bear the temporary separation from our child, the child will cry non-stop, because the child\’s heart is very sensitive, and he can strongly feel our inner needs. His crying just gives us a reason why we cannot separate from the child. reasons. When we say goodbye to our children, their crying will also tear open the wounds in our hearts. Perhaps, some parents also experienced similar pain of separation when they were young, or even felt abandoned, which is why today is so unbearable. Separation from children. In the final analysis, we are actually more attached to our children than our children are to us. When it comes to separation from our children, we must first be aware of ourselves. Is it the child’s anxiety or your anxiety? Is it the child’s pain or your pain? Never project your anxiety and pain onto your children, or even imagine that your children will never be able to leave us. Entering kindergarten is the first step for a child to enter society alone. From then on, we are no longer the only ones in the child\’s world, and the child\’s attachment to us will gradually weaken. As Mr. Long Yingtai said, I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called father-daughter, mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. In the face of the growth of our children, what we can do is to let go gracefully again and again, instead of becoming anxious, entangled, reluctant, and worried, which will become a stumbling block in the growth of our children. So, next time, when you send your child to school, please say goodbye to him with a smile, and then walk away without looking back. Tell yourself that your child will eventually leave us and live independently, so start practicing from this moment on.