When your child is crying and acting up, do you dare to let him stay in his emotions for a while?

On a sunny day, I played with my son on the slide. I carefully helped my son up the stairs, one step after another, very carefully. Go to the entrance of the slide, help him adjust the angle, sit properly, and let him slide down. I once felt very proud of such meticulous protection, as if I could see a shining \”good mother\” halo hanging above my head. Previously, I accidentally saw a child over 1 year old walking up the stairs tremblingly, but accidentally rolled down, got a ball on the spot, and cried out in pain. Tsk tsk, this parent is so irresponsible and doesn\’t pay attention. How painful is this fall! As I watched, I stood on the moral high ground and made an oath at that time: I will never make such a stupid mistake in the future. Just as I was immersed in self-impression, suddenly, a boy about the same size as my son appeared on the slide. He walked up and down the slide quickly and smoothly on his own, with smooth and steady movements, completely crushing my son. Instantly, I felt the hurt of contrast. I could only comfort myself silently: He must be older than my son! After struggling for a while, I finally couldn\’t resist my strong curiosity. I ran over to get close to the child\’s mother who was watching not far away, and asked: How old is your son? Mom said: 18 months old. I looked back at my son who had to turn his head and shout \”Mom\” every time he walked up a step, asking me to support him before he dared to go up. The pride I had before suddenly disappeared without a trace, and I just felt His face was so hot that he was beaten. I\’m totally embarrassed to say it – my son is almost 2 years old. Because I love you, I don’t want you to be sad, so I don’t want you to get hurt. This sentence seemed so legitimate and justified that I didn’t realize the blatant deprivation of children behind it. As soon as the child fell down, I immediately ran over to help him up, and then quickly moved and said: \”The baby is not crying, look, there is a little bird there; the child always falls over when building blocks, which makes him very frustrated and frustrated. It doesn\’t matter, I\’ll do it, mom.\” I can help you build it as high as you want; my beloved car was gone, and I cried very sadly. The feeling of loss was too uncomfortable, so I immediately went to the store to buy him a new one. \”Look, it\’s the same as before.\” I intervened so quickly and timely, without giving the child a chance to experience what pain and frustration are. I always thought that I was devoted to my duties and had maternal love in place. It wasn’t until life slapped me in the face and woke me up that I suddenly woke up and realized that I might have done something wrong. I was projecting my inner fears and uneasiness onto my children. I replaced my child\’s feelings with my own. Therefore, every time my child goes up the stairs, I hold his hand tightly and tell him: It is easy to fall down when going up the stairs. You are still young, so you must be supported by your mother. It was me who personally castrated my son’s ability to go up stairs alone. Children are not as fragile as I thought. All of this, in the final analysis, is just my own needs, not the needs of my children. Children are born to fill their lives with \”personal experience\”. He cannot imagine or understand a world he has not experienced.. I remembered that when my son eats, he likes to stuff everything into his mouth at once. Every time I tell him that it is easy to choke, he remains indifferent. Once, I gave him two milk tablets, and he stuffed them all in with quick eyes and hands, his mouth bulging like a little hamster. I had no choice but to let him go. He was jumping up and down in the living room with the nipple in his mouth, having a great time. Suddenly, his face turned red, he made a rapid and painful sound, and began to cry at a loss. When I saw it, I was shocked. The nipple must have been stuck in my throat. I quickly patted his back and asked him to cough it out. My son coughed violently, and after several efforts, he finally spit out the two pieces of milk. We both breathed a huge sigh of relief and broke into a cold sweat. But the amazing thing is that since then, every time I tell him not to eat too much at one time, otherwise he will choke, my son will fake cough a few times in cooperation to show that he understands. Then, he lowered the hand he had raised to stuff something. Similarly, he loves to play with teapots. Every time I tell him that they are made of ceramic and can be easily broken, he has no reaction. It wasn\’t until one day when he finally broke the teapot that he really understood what I said. After that, I asked him to be careful and not to play with it everywhere, and he cooperated very well with me. Children perceive the world through concrete things, so really, children\’s tears and laughter are equally important. What makes human beings human is that we can experience various emotions. The deeper the experience, the richer and deeper life will be. If a child is deprived of the right to suffer, he will only become a person with a poor heart, unable to taste the ups and downs of the feast of life. Moreover, in the face of pain, children always rely on their parents for help, which will greatly weaken the child\’s sense of self-competence. Just like a butterfly breaking out of its pupa, the process of struggle is exactly what the butterfly needs to grow. You help the butterfly cut open the pupa and make it feel comfortable at the time, but in the future it will not have the strength to face more challenges in life. After the butterfly comes out, it cannot open its wings and will eventually die. However, my strong maternal instinct often makes me unable to help my child, and I want to immediately pull him out of the emotional whirlpool. Therefore, now, whenever the impulse comes, I will force myself to calm down and control myself rationally – try to let the child stay in the emotion for a while, and the painful taste also needs to be chewed slowly. Trust him, he will eventually learn to cope and grow up. Of course, if the emotions and frustrations are too strong and swallow up the child like a tsunami, completely beyond the child\’s ability to bear, I will not stand idly by and take decisive action. Last weekend, I took my son to the park to play in the sand. The little brother next to him suddenly took out an excavating truck. The moment his son saw it, he was fascinated. He looked at it dreamily and could not move at all. Fortunately, my little brother is also very generous and is willing to share it with his son. The two of them had so much fun, their laughter filled the sand pool. The happy time flew by, and soon my brother was going home. Seeing his beloved car being put into a bag, his son\’s mood suddenly collapsed, and his tears kept falling like broken beads. What should I do, tell him to buy one right away? Or divert attention? Before, I should have known nothingDon\’t hesitate to do so. But this time, I didn\’t. I held him tightly, stroked his back, and comforted him gently: This is so sad. Baby loves that car so much. I wish I could continue playing with it. Mom knows you are reluctant to let go. I kept repeating the facts and confirming the child\’s feelings. Slowly, my son calmed down. At this time, I helped him put himself in his shoes: If you had a car like this, would you definitely take it home with you when you go home? Therefore, my brother now has to take the car home. The car also wants to go back to its home. The look on his son\’s face seemed to understand. In the end, although he was still choking, he bravely waved to his brother and said goodbye. The help we give our children is like a scaffolding. Initially in the early years of our children, we give them our full support and then slowly withdraw some and let go slowly based on their progress and abilities. One day, when they grow up, we need to remember that they no longer need us. Ginot, a doctor of child psychology, said: \”Think about it seriously, as parents, is our responsibility just to make our children happy? No, our responsibility is to make our children grow up better.\” Children cannot always be hapiness. It is important that we seize the opportunity when our children are unhappy to help them gain the ability to cope with pain. I think this is the real happiness education – \”education to obtain happiness\”. Let us be on the road together and encourage each other.