When your child is scolded by outsiders for stealing things or doing bad things, will you unswervingly protect him?

A few days ago, I read a short story with Zai Zai, and I was deeply moved after reading it. Because Zai Zai needs to write a review, when we look at this story in light of his real life, I feel even more frightened. The story is \”Bile and the Saber\” from Yin Jianling\’s novel \”Listen with an Ear\”. It tells the story of a child named Bile who had a saber. He originally planned to give the saber to his classmates as a New Year\’s Day gift. Who knew, before he took it out, he found that his deskmate Ji Xuemei also had an identical saber. That day, Ji Xuemei\’s small saber suddenly disappeared. The teacher searched them one by one and found Bile\’s saber. This saber was given to him by his father, who was a sailor, and his mother didn\’t know about it. The key is that my father is at sea again and will not come back for a few months. No one can prove that this saber belongs to Bile. All the students think that Bile is a thief and deliberately isolate him. Bile is unable to argue and can only silently endure the unkind looks and deliberate isolation from his classmates. Bile\’s mother was called to school. After returning home, her mother beat Bile severely, without even giving Bile a chance to defend herself. Until one day, Bile found the small saber lost by Ji Xuemei with some weak clues. In order to prove his innocence, he stood on a high and dangerous wall. At this time, his classmate Fang Hao stood up and asked The teacher admitted that he had stolen it. After reading it, Zai Zai and I discussed whether similar things had happened in his life. Zai Zai talked about several things that happened to his classmates, such as children who lost their lottery tickets, lost their pens, and doubted each other and speculated… He also remembered Something happened to him. When he was in the first grade, one day after school, a grandma pulled him and asked, \”Are you Zai Zai?\” Zai Zai nodded, and the grandma said, \”You took away one of my baby\’s pencils, right?\” Zai Zai asked again. Nod. \”How can you just take other people\’s things? Such behavior is wrong! Don\’t do it again in the future.\” Zaizai lowered his head and said nothing. It happened quite suddenly, and I didn\’t understand the situation at all. Besides, I felt a little ashamed to be criticized like this, so I just stood aside and watched without saying anything. After the grandma finished speaking, she turned around and left with her child. I took Zai Zai and walked home silently. I was quite angry at first, but after walking for a while, it suddenly occurred to me that since childhood, Zai Zai would tell us whatever he wanted, and basically would satisfy us if we could. Zai Zai had never been in the habit of taking things from others casually. How could such a guy take other people\’s pencils casually? Thinking of this, I asked Zai Zai: \”Zai Zai, did you take someone else\’s pencil?\” Zai Zai said: \”I didn\’t take it, he gave it to me! I said I have a pencil and don\’t need it, but he insisted on giving it to me. I, in the end, threw it directly on my desk, and I had to bring it back.\” \”Where\’s the pencil?\” I asked. \”On the table at home.\” Zaizai said. When I got home, Zai Zai found the pencil on his desk and gave it to me. It was a very ordinary pencil without any patterns or patterns. I was even more convinced that Zai Zai would not take it casually. I told him that my mother will accompany you after school tomorrow, return the pencils to your classmates, and make it clear to that grandma. When school was over the next day,I especially found that grandma and told me clearly what happened. Her grandson also admitted that what Zaizai said was true. The grandma was also very angry and took the initiative to apologize to Zai Zai. If it weren\’t for this article, I would have almost forgotten this little episode that happened to Zai Zai. Now, looking back on this matter, I asked Zaizai, does he feel sad when he thinks about it? Zai Zai said that when he was wrongly accused and accused, he indeed felt very helpless and sad. But when I think about it now, I am not sad or angry at all, because grandma apologized to him. I said, if that grandma didn’t apologize to you, if your mother didn’t ask you clearly at that time, scolded you indiscriminately or beat you up, wouldn’t you be angry and sad? Zaizai looked at me and said, \”How is that possible? I will definitely be very angry.\” After hearing what Zaizai said, I couldn\’t help but feel lucky. Fortunately, I believed him at that time. If I hadn\’t figured it out at the time and just scolded Zaizai because I felt embarrassed, this incident would definitely have left a psychological shadow on him. Looking back, I also feel very guilty because I was not so firm when the incident first happened. When Zai Zai was wrongly accused, I did not protect him in time, but let him face the accusations of others on his own. Comparatively speaking, Zai Zai’s father supports Zai Zai much more than I do. That day after Zai Zai\’s father got off work, I told him about the incident. As soon as he heard the grandmother say that Zai Zai stole a pencil, he said loudly: \”How could my son steal other people\’s things, let alone a pencil? He himself You have enough pens, you don’t need to take other people’s pens.” As children grow up, many unexpected things will inevitably happen. When some things happen, the truth can be quickly found out. For some things, it is very likely that both parties have different opinions. In this case, if all the adverse evidence points to your child, will you still firmly believe him and deal with it rationally and calmly? In the face of accusations from teachers or parents of other children, can you put aside your shame and guilt and calm down to listen to your children\’s detailed account of what happened? In life, perhaps more parents are like Bile\’s mother, who beat her head and face indiscriminately. If a child is wronged, he is already very aggrieved. If he is beaten or scolded again, the physical wounds will be repaired quickly, but the damage to the heart will probably not heal for a long time and will never be calm. Therefore, when a child exhibits certain behaviors, as a parent, you must have the ability to distinguish right from wrong and be patient and a wise parent. This is a big test for parents, because the child may really have been wronged, or the child may have really done something bad. To distinguish the authenticity of the matter, parents must have a clear understanding of the child. When something happens, you must put aside all external voices and listen carefully. Don\’t rush to judge. Instead, listen to what the child says and see what the child\’s inner thoughts are at that time. Although today\’s children are becoming more and more like little adults, they are basically very kind and pure, and are not very good at lying. Even if some children are indeed lying, because they are still young and generally have poor lying skills, they can basically spot their lies in a few or two. figure things outthe truth. If a child is really wronged, parents should actively help the child adjust his mentality, let the child put down his irritability and anxiety, and face teachers and classmates with a positive attitude. If a child really makes a mistake and takes other people\’s things, parents must face it positively, educate the child in a timely manner, and face the mistake with the child. Parents cannot beat or scold their children because they are angry. Beating and scolding will reduce the child\’s guilt. The child will feel that he has been beaten by you anyway, and he will not care anymore. Children should be educated rather than harshly punished. After educating the child, apologize together with the child. Every child will make mistakes as they grow up. It is not scary to do something wrong, but it is scary to avoid it and not admit it. The attitude of children towards mistakes mainly comes from their parents. If parents can rationally teach their children how to solve problems after making mistakes, children will have the courage to face their own mistakes. If parents blindly cover up or avoid problems, children will also avoid problems. No matter what, when something goes wrong with a child, parents need to be firm and rational in trying to figure out the truth. Another suggestion here is that children must have good interpersonal relationships and try to get familiar with their classmates. Many times, what children do in school or class will be seen by other children, so parents must be familiar with it. Parents, after a problem occurs, they can listen to what other children said about what they saw, so that it is easier to figure out the truth. Zaizai said: \”I understand Bile especially. When we are wronged, we all feel very helpless and sad. If no one trusts us, it will be very uncomfortable. So we must not wrong others for no reason. \”I think this sentence should be remembered by every parent. We must not wrongly accuse our children for no reason, and of course we must not doubt other people\’s children for no reason. Even if the whole world doesn\’t trust your child, parents can\’t give up casually.