When your child loses his temper, your reaction determines your child’s lifelong personality.

I went to a friend\’s house a few days ago and witnessed a bloody storm between her and her son. Halfway through the meal, the child suddenly wanted to play with his mobile phone, but his friend stopped him. The child burst into tears instantly, shouting hysterically and sweeping the chopsticks off the table. My friend\’s face turned dark and he shouted loudly: \”Don\’t make trouble! Eat!\” But the child still kept crying, and his friend was so angry that he just carried him out and said, \”You like crying, don\’t you? Go out and cry!\” As a parent, I completely I understand my friend’s annoyance and helplessness at that moment. But after thinking about it, we often react too fiercely when faced with children\’s emotions: either preaching or yelling and scolding. Seeing that the child is not getting enough, we finally attribute the problem to his \”bad temper.\” In fact, many times a child\’s tantrum is a signal. If not handled properly, it can easily have a huge impact on the child\’s mental health and character development. Today, let’s talk about what we should do when our children cry. There is no unreasonable temper, only the desire not to be seen. I saw such a story online. There was a 6-year-old rebellious little boy who loved to lose his temper. Once, when he was drawing in kindergarten, a classmate next to him accidentally bumped into him, and the entire drawing paper was stained. He was so angry that he cried loudly, no matter how much the teacher coaxed him, he would not stop. When he got home, his parents patiently coaxed him and reasoned with him. One night passed, and instead of relieving his anger, the boy became even more violent, punching and kicking his parents. The parents really had no choice but to seek help from a psychiatrist. As soon as the mother opened her mouth, she said: \”We have beaten and scolded each other, and all the good things have been said. Why do you think this child is so disobedient?\” The doctor smiled and said nothing, and gave the couple a series of tests and questions and answers. question. It turns out that the reason why the child has a bad temper is actually because he feels that he is not taken seriously. Since his younger brother was born, he has gone from being a cherished treasure by his family to an unloved \”blaming\” brother. No matter what he does, he will screw up in the end and be taught a lesson. Over time, all kinds of frustration and disappointment accumulated in his heart, and he could only vent his frustrations through losing his temper, hitting others, and yelling. There are no inexplicable tantrums, just a desire not to be seen. Psychologically speaking, all behaviors are motivated, especially when you think your child is behaving inappropriately or asking too much. The famous psychologist Li Zixun said that children\’s needs are concentrated in three aspects: companionship, exploration, and confirmation of their own importance. Have you ever noticed that your children become particularly clingy every time there are guests at home? Because he finds that your attention has shifted and he wants you to accompany him; he is afraid that the playground is not safe and does not let the children play, but the children want to go more and more? This is because he has a desire to explore new things; almost every second-child family has an older child whose temperament has changed drastically, because they are unable to determine their importance in the hearts of their parents and can only act violently to provoke them. Angry parents. Every emotional outburst of a child is essentially a signal for help: \”Help me, what should I do?\” Blindly blaming and complaining will only make the child shoulder double \”emotional baggage\” and be physically and mentally devastated. Only by learning to understand your child\’s inner needs and helping him escape from the whirlpool of bad emotions can the root cause of the problem be solved. childbirthWhen angry, 90% of parents react wrongly. Kimberly Braine, a child education expert, said: Children have an innate, natural instinct to pursue all their wishes. But their physical and emotional development exceeds their ability to communicate. Children have an innate ability to explore, but it is difficult for them to express emotions correctly, let alone identify good or bad emotions. The reason why children fall into a worse situation is because many parents make these three mistakes and add fuel to the fire: ① The typical \”suppression strategy\” of using violence to counter violence. This short-term method treats the symptoms but not the root cause. Blindly suppressing children\’s emotions is like a battery that is constantly being charged. It will either cause the battery to age or explode. My cousin is the legendary \”good boy from other people\’s family\”. He has almost never lost his temper since he was a child. The most profound memory was when he wanted a toy from the supermarket and cried and refused to go home. Later, he was severely beaten by his father. Since then, he has learned to be obedient and no longer willful and angry: he tolerated being bullied by his classmates; he did not explain when he was misunderstood by the teacher; he swallowed his grievance when framed by his colleagues. Everyone said that he was obedient and sensible, but no one knew that he had been tortured by depression for seven years. He was in so much pain that his parents\’ violent treatment undoubtedly blocked the child\’s outlet and triggered even more intense emotions. A sensible and well-behaved child, but also an unaccepted and self-attacking child. ② Over-indulging. Some parents over-indulge their children. The children always tell the truth, and sometimes they defend their children by saying \”he is still young\” when they make mistakes. In particular, if you don\’t give what you want, crying and making trouble will \”work\”. From a psychological point of view, this kind of indulgent and doting behavior will cause children to form a wrong perception: \”If you don\’t follow me, I will cry. Anyway, I will do it when I cry.\” In the long run, children will default to Temper can get everything, and gradually develop a domineering bad character. There is another strange phenomenon. Sometimes when a child cries, it\’s okay without comfort, but when comforted, the child cries even more. Originally, when the child wanted to cry, it was just a simple expression: I need help. But the mother responds in time, and the child automatically assumes the role of \”victim\” and receives the signal \”I should cry.\” Children who grow up in this environment for a long time can easily become flowers in a greenhouse. After entering society, once you lose your preferential treatment and your fragile heart cannot bear the gap, you will easily become internally dissatisfied and lack self-confidence. ③In one episode of the cold treatment variety show \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, Guo Tao had a \”cold war\” with his son Shitou. At that time, Shitou injured his arm and wanted to act coquettishly with his father, but Guo Tao ignored him; Shitou had a temper and refused to go home, so Guo Tao shut him out and ignored him. Shitou was so frightened that he immediately showed his kindness to his father and said that he would be obedient in the future. It seems that Guo Tao\’s cold treatment has had an effective disciplinary effect, but in reality? When asked \”Does my father love me?\” Shitou hesitated: \”Sometimes, he loves me. If he doesn\’t love me, it\’s when he ignores me. It\’s heartbreaking to be evasive. For children, losing temper has serious consequences. It is not just to vent emotions, but also to prove the parents\’ love for him. The cold treatment attitude of his parents undoubtedly makes the child feel that \”my parents don\’t love me anymore\” and \”it\’s just because I am bad.\”\”. Once you are immersed in negative emotions, you will eventually form a pleaser personality. The way you deal with your child\’s emotions determines his character and emotional intelligence. Susan David, PhD in psychology at Yale University, said: A person\’s emotional intelligence has a very big determinant. , that is, emotional sensitivity. The factor that determines the level of emotional sensitivity mainly depends on the parents\’ attitude towards their children when they release their emotions. When faced with their children\’s temper, good parents often use love to help their children get out of their emotions. How to do it specifically? You can start with these three things. ① Clear your emotional bottle in time. Have you ever noticed how most parents can\’t control their emotions when their children cry? , can\’t help but yell at our children. This means that our emotions are not stable enough, and our hearts have been filled with negative emotions, and we cannot accommodate any trivial matters. At this time, we might as well try to write an awareness diary to record our true inner feelings and thoughts. Think about it and sort out why you have bad emotions and behaviors. Next time you encounter your child\’s troubles, you will be much calmer. ② Li Xiang\’s way of educating children is textbook-level by understanding them. One time, Li Xiang criticized her daughter Wang Shiling for not completing her homework without asking her why. Wang Shiling hung up the phone in anger. Other parents might have been furious, but Li Xiang did not, and instead apologized to her daughter gently: \”I know you are angry because your parents wronged you…\” Wang Shiling went from being excited and angry to resisting, and finally softened and expressed her inner thoughts. You see, the child\’s mood swings are driven by the parents. Done. Regardless of whether the child is right or wrong, parents should first try to understand the child\’s emotions and let him understand: My having such emotions does not mean that I am not good. Then, learn to be a listener and give the child a chance to speak. , repair your own mood. When we accept and try to understand our children, they will gain enough trust and be more willing to follow their parents\’ guidance. ③ You can use the formula of \”I think + you think\” to find solutions with your children. Help him find the most appropriate solution. “I think you can tell your dad that you are very angry now because he promised to go to the park with you but failed. He should apologize to you and make it up to you. What do you think? \”Or, if you have a better way, how about we take a look at it?\” \”When a child realizes that you respect him enough and are willing to listen to his ideas, he will be more likely to take the initiative to accept our suggestions. In this process, he can learn something even more amazing: understand where his emotions come from, and slow down Slowly control your temper and know that the more important thing now is how to solve problems rather than create them. As Freud said: Unexpressed emotions never disappear, they are just buried alive and will one day take on an even uglier form. When a child is anxious, we must teach him how to overcome his \”emotions\” with patience, encourage him to express his thoughts and get reasonable release. If he grows up in the sunshine of love and respect, the child will be more positive and positive. Sunny and confident, become the master of emotionspeople.