When your child makes a mistake, please keep your mouth shut

I attended a parent class and had a very profound memory. In the classroom, parents often have to play the role of \”parent-child\”. In this kind of role play, adults can let go of their restraints and act like children, and have fun every time. But there was one role-playing session that completely shocked me, who was pretending to be a \”child\”. In that performance, in order to simulate the pressure parents felt on their children in terms of height, the teacher asked six mothers who played parents to stand on chairs and form a small circle facing the outside. As a child, I had to go around the circle and say a line to each mother. My line is very simple: \”I\’m just a child, I need a sense of belonging.\” The first mother said to me: \”I\’m busy, go away!\” The second mother said to me; \”Get out!\” The third mother said to me: One mother said to me: \”I am very disappointed in you.\” A fourth mother said to me: \”How could I have a child like you!\” A fifth mother said to me: \”You really hate me!\” \”The sixth mother said to me: \”Why don\’t you die!\” I walked around the \”mothers\” for the first time while reciting the lines. I still thought to myself, these classmates acted quite convincingly. . After walking around for the second time, the power of words attacked me, and I began to feel a little uncomfortable. I asked the teacher if I could stop, but the teacher motioned to continue. When I walked around for the third time, I not only felt the maliciousness of language, but also experienced more: a mother put on lipstick, and when she said \”get out\”, her scarlet lips seemed to swallow me. ; When a mother told me that she was \”very annoying\”, her eyes seemed to burst into flames, making me want to disappear from that room immediately. I felt that tears were about to flow down. I wanted to stop, but the teacher wanted me to continue. I walked around for the fourth time. When I heard \”I\’m very disappointed in you\” again, I thought of all the wrong things I had done in the past 30 years, the guilt, regret, sadness, pain, all of them. It came over me that I didn\’t deserve to be alive. Then I cried. At the teacher\’s request, I walked the fifth and sixth laps… When the pretending game stopped at the teacher\’s signal, I found that not only I was crying, but also the mothers who were pretending to be parents, and the mothers who were sitting around and watching. The other parents also cried. I know we all cry for our children. We cry for our children, because we finally discovered that the unscrupulous criticism and abuse we usually express can have such a great impact on the young minds of children. Besides, we are not real children, this is just a simulated game. Those real anger, anger, disappointment and rejection will cause fear and pain to children, which will be a hundred times more powerful than simulation in the classroom. We would never dare say these hurtful words to our spouse, parents, siblings, or friends. Because we know that these words are serious, and once spoken, it is likely to completely destroy the relationship between us. If you have ever been aggressive and insisted on your child picking up their toys. Just imagine, when you feel very tired one day and find that there are still a lot of dishes to be washed in the kitchen, and your husband says to you: \”Hurry up and wash them, this is your job!\” Then I think a quarrel is inevitable. . ifYou have also forced your child to take extracurricular classes that he is afraid of being interested in. Just imagine, when you are chatting with relatives, you find out that a cousin has given birth to a second child, and your mother says to you who does not want to pursue a second child: \”People who are not as good as you can have a second child, so you are being pretentious and will not have a second child.\” You. I should be so angry that I won’t even go back to my hometown to celebrate the Spring Festival. Maybe you should gently offer to put away the toys with your child, just as you would want your husband to say to you: \”I know you are a little tired, how about you wash them and I will wipe them?\” Maybe you should Respect your child\’s choice of interest classes, just like you would want your mother to say to you: \”I don\’t live in a big city, so I can\’t understand what you said about the hardship of raising children, but I respect the decision you made.\” For adults, we may still be able to maintain respect for each other, and we will not be monsters who speak indiscriminately and release emotions at will. So when facing children who are weaker than us in various ways, we should think twice before speaking, protect their young hearts, and give them equality, respect, gentleness, and freedom. I remember one time, my eldest brother, who always loved my sister very much, beat my sister. I was really angry at the time, so I said to him, \”Mom is so disappointed in you!\” After hearing this, the eldest brother\’s expression changed from anger to confusion, and then he was shocked for a few seconds, and then he burst into tears. . I can no longer remember the reason for their conflict at that time, but among the children’s many cries, I always remember that cry. After this class exercise, I finally understood what was different about my elder brother’s crying that time: I have always cared and loved my sister, but once I hit my sister, my mother denied all the good things I had done to her in the past. In this way, other excellence and efforts are negated, and he becomes a good-for-nothing child. If I could go back to that moment in a time machine and witness the conflict between siblings again, I would definitely hug our eldest brother first and say to him, \”Did my sister do something that made you very angry?\” Although he is the older brother, But he also needs a hug from his mother; although hitting is wrong, his emotions also need to be listened to and guided. Why did the teacher ask me, who was playing the role of \”child\”, to only say one line like this? Psychologist Jane Nelson once said: “When we see that the purpose of all behaviors is to pursue a sense of belonging and value in a certain social environment, we know that the primary purpose of children is to pursue a sense of belonging and value. …Children’s inappropriate behavior is based on wrong ideas about how to achieve a sense of belonging and worth.” When we parents see our children doing many inappropriate behaviors: for example, children are clinging to others when their parents are busy, and siblings are acting inappropriately. A fight with a trivial little toy actually reflects the child\’s pursuit of his own sense of belonging. \”If dad can put down the work at hand to accompany me, then he must love me!\” The child will not express this idea, but the specific behavior is to disturb the father\’s work, and we will think that he is disobedient and disobedient. \”Mom is always nicer to my brother, so I have to retaliate against him and take away this little toy.\” We don\’t understand the child\’s psychology. From the perspective of our parents, the child is unreasonable, so why should he and his brother steal the baby? Toy. NoChildren who have developed a sense of worth and belonging are like people who are lost. They will try every path that seems to lead to their destination, but they often go astray. Therefore, when children make \”mistakes\”, it is actually when they are silently shouting to us, asking for more sense of belonging. At this time, if you criticize them or even be unable to control your emotions and scold them, not only will it not help, but it will further damage the children\’s intimacy and trust in themselves, amplify the existing problems, and cause more serious consequences. Whenever you feel angry, think about why your child is doing this? He is not familiar enough with the rules of the world, and he is not sure what position he occupies in your heart. When he makes a mistake, that\’s when he needs you strongly. Give him a hug and tell him you love him. When he confirms that he is your little baby, and when he finds his place in your heart and the world, he will definitely grow into a great and happy person!