When your child says \”Mom, I don\’t know how\”, is your first reaction correct?

\”Mom, I can\’t!\” \”Dad, help me!\” \”This is too difficult, I definitely can\’t do it.\” As a parent, how would you reply to your child after hearing the above sentences? Children habitually shrink back when encountering difficulties. We will say: \”What\’s so difficult about this?\” \”You just say you can\’t do it even if you haven\’t tried it!\” We may even say: \”Don\’t be afraid of difficulties, be brave and believe in yourself. You will definitely You can do it yourself.” When children hear these words, will they move forward courageously, be motivated, and overcome all obstacles? No, on the contrary, I am even more resistant to \”difficult\” things: Why do I find things that adults find very simple difficult? Can I really do this? What should I do if I can’t do it? I\’m not brave at all! I don\’t want to do it! For children who are already afraid of difficulties, it is more effective to help them in this way. Allow children to be \”fearful of difficulties\”: admit that things are indeed difficult. When a child says, \”There are too many homeworks, I can\’t finish them at all.\” The parent\’s sentence of \”It\’s not much, I can finish them in a while\” can only make the children feel the parents\’ dissatisfaction. understand. Taking the child\’s feelings seriously can actually reduce the child\’s resistance: \”Yes, it looks like there is a lot of homework.\” The child can immediately feel that the parents are on their side and will be more willing to listen to the parents\’ suggestions: \”Let\’s take a look. How to plan can help you complete it quickly and leave time to do other things. \”While allowing children to be afraid of difficulties, parents also need to show weakness. Many things that are easy for adults are indeed difficult for children. And true understanding is more soothing than \”omnipotence\”. Allow children to be \”fearful of difficulties\” and admit that this matter is really difficult, and even parents need to make efforts: \”try many times\”, \”check information\”, \”ask others for advice and help\”, and \”bite the bullet and keep doing it\” It\’s possible. Let children see that they are accepted, that it takes long-term thinking and research, and even asking for help to achieve something, which is more inspiring to children than \”you have to have the courage to try.\” Split the task \”We don\’t need to climb Everest all at once, we just need to conquer small hills one by one.\” In an interview, cellist Yo-Yo Ma, who has won the American Music Grammy Award 17 times, said. Yo-Yo Ma\’s piano practice career is full of a sense of achievement: \”My father often said: \’If something is very difficult, you should first divide it into four parts, so that you can solve some small problems first, and then Click a little bit and solve the most difficult part at the end. This is an incredibly good method. At the beginning, I played Bach suites. I just played excerpts in two sections a day and only practiced for 15 minutes. It\’s time to play. Slowly, I connected what I learned every day, and actually learned a lot without knowing it…\” Divide a difficult task into several small tasks to overcome one by one. It allows children to feel challenged and ultimately overcome difficulties through their own efforts. In life, splitting tasks can also help children cooperate better. \”Clean up the living room\” can be broken down into, \”Put the toys in the storage box, and then put the storage box in the cabinet\” and \”Get ready to go out\”, which can be replaced by \”Put on your shoes and carry your schoolbag.\”\”It\’s too late, hurry up and get ready for bed.\” Replace it with \”Brush your teeth, take a shower, and then lie down.\” In learning activities, there are also many big words we are used to saying: \”Evaluate the questions carefully.\” It is better to break it down into several steps: First Read the question once to understand the meaning; read the question a second time, circle the key information and \”review well\”. It is better to give specific operation steps: review the textbook, read more wrong questions, practice questions according to your own weak points…look at the pictures and write If you don’t know how to speak, start by finding the “time, place, person, event, emotion” in the picture; then write it into a sentence; finally connect the sentences into a paragraph…Give the child specific steps and guidance, don’t ignore it, It’s not about doing it for the child, but about letting the child see every step that he or she can implement in detail. The so-called “scaffolding” is to understand the child’s current level and set a goal in the child’s zone of proximal development. Carry out one or more \”practical combats\”. During the \”practical combat\” process, parents can build a high-quality \”scaffolding\” to give their children some guidance and achieve results once and for all. Children can complete it independently. Research in developmental psychology shows that children who have parents as \”scaffolding\” (helping from the side) are better able to complete tasks that cannot be completed without their parents. For example, when children are afraid to ride a bicycle alone, parents can. Do this: Accompany and encourage, support and follow for a few laps, \”Ride boldly, dad is supporting you from behind, you will learn it soon\”; provide verbal guidance, \”look forward\”, and always observe the road conditions ahead; directly Show and demonstrate that both hands can control the direction by controlling the handlebars, so that children can understand that they need to maintain balance and control the direction when riding a bicycle. When the child confirms that he has the ability to do it and is not prone to panic, the parents can withdraw and the child will do the same. Then you have the confidence to practice by yourself. Parents learn to be a scaffold for their children, build ladders and steps for them, and let their children stand on top step by step. With the help of scaffolding, children can easily make progress and gain a sense of accomplishment. , gain experience, when a child\’s self-confidence is built up, he will not be afraid of the difficulties he encounters. Children\’s abilities are indeed growing through repeated successful experiences, but they cannot recognize it, and from an adult\’s perspective, It is more about giving guidance when children fail, and it is easy to ignore their repeated successes. If the child has serious fear of difficulties, it may be that some previous failure experiences are too impressive, so you can try to focus on them. Focus on your child’s success, summarize your experience, and create positive feedback. Success is the mother of success, rather than failure. Review your child’s successful experiences more often, let your children see their own strength, speak with facts, and confirm again and again.” \”I can do it.\” You can ask your child to write it down on paper: 1. What the child can do: Know n Chinese characters, organize his toys, and learn to ride a bicycle. 2. What difficulties did he encounter when doing these things? : Can\’t distinguish between \”qing\” and \”emotion\”, very tired when putting away toys, unable to remember to brake when encountering a situation while riding a bicycle 3. How to overcome difficulties: understand the difference between three-point water and vertical heart when putting away toys Using a storage basket is better than finding a storage basket with toysSave effort and use the brakes several times to familiarize yourself with the feel; put your hands on the brakes in case of emergencies; the \”foot\” brake is also easy to use. Listing the things the child can do can help the child increase his self-confidence; and review encounters The difficulties encountered and the process of \”how to overcome\” can allow children to see their own strength. If you encounter difficulties and just think \”I can\’t\” or \”I failed\”, you will not be able to solve the problem; when you actively think of solutions and focus on \”how should I solve it\” and \”is there any good solution\”, this is the way to solve the problem. The key to solving problems is also the difference between fixed mindset and growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset avoid challenges, hate change, and even feel that they are unable to change the status quo. People with a growth mindset are willing to accept challenges because they are an upward ladder. They believe that their abilities can be improved through hard work. They regard every failure as an opportunity for progress and believe that everything is possible. The so-called growth is the process of constantly expanding your comfort zone, during which you need to face very uncomfortable things. Allow children to be afraid of difficulties, let them have more successful experiences, give them a wide space for making mistakes, and encourage children to \”roughly finish\” first and then improve… If they always have the willingness to try, they will naturally live an indomitable life and grow well.