Whether a child is successful or not is related to these 4 laws! Mom must watch it

Every mother hopes to raise a good child who is sunny, cheerful, confident and optimistic, and also hopes to be a good mother who is gentle and delicate. But when it comes to disciplining children, they can easily become grumpy and impatient when faced with their stubbornness and willfulness… Why does this happen? Chen Qi, a teacher from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said when sharing in the \”Must-Read Lectures for Parents\”: \”No one can become a good mother casually. If you feel that your children are difficult to manage, if you feel that you always lose your temper, basically It\’s because you haven\’t studied for too long. Children\’s growth is a very regular thing. For example, children eat their hands. Mothers who have studied child psychology know that this is a sign that the child is in the \’oral stage\’ If you behave normally, you won’t take it seriously; but mothers who have never learned anything will think this is a bad habit, and will try their best to help their children change it, or even spank their children… So you see, if you want to raise a good child, What can mom do if she doesn’t make progress or learn?” Teacher Chen Qi explained many psychological education rules in a lecture some time ago, including the “watch law”, “overlimit effect”, “barrel effect”… basically It is a summary and summary of children\’s psychological characteristics, which is very helpful in educating children. Below, Youma will help you sort it out, hoping it will be helpful to mothers who are irritable and confused! Watch effect: When you have a watch and it shows 12 o\’clock, you know that the current time is 12 o\’clock; but when you have two watches, one shows 11 o\’clock and the other shows 12 o\’clock, you can\’t tell which one is which. It\’s accurate. This is the so-called \”watch effect\”. What the \”watch effect\” wants to tell mothers the most is: sometimes it is not a good thing for children to have too many things. (1) Having too many toys is not necessarily a good thing: I wonder if mothers have noticed that when you only give your child one toy, the child can play with it for a long time, but when you give the child a bunch of toys, he or she will look at it. Look at this, touch that, neither one lasts long. Children\’s attention is limited, and it also needs protection and exercise. Too many toys in childhood will seriously distract children\’s attention and patience. When they reach elementary school, they are prone to have bad habits such as being distracted in class and being unable to sit still, and they can\’t sit still. Very good to correct. The most suitable number of toys for children is 3 to 5, which can satisfy the child\’s vanity without distracting too much. Many times we keep buying toys for our children. In fact, it’s not that children really need so many, it’s just that we think “the more toys, the more love we have.” (2) Excessive pocket money is not necessarily a good thing. Although the living standards of many families have improved, children\’s awareness of thrift and financial management still need to be cultivated from an early age, because no matter how much family property they have, they cannot withstand the random squandering of a prodigal son. . (3) Giving your children too much attention is not necessarily a good thing. When your children ask you to buy this or that, if it is not necessary, you must learn to \”delay gratification\” for them, because it is very difficult to easily satisfy any of your children\’s wishes. It is easy for children to lose their sense of gratitude. For example, your child always yells for ice cream in the summer. If you only take him to eat ice cream every few days,times, then he will be very happy every time and feel in his heart that mom is really good; but if you meet this request of your child every day, over time, your child will feel that eating ice cream once a day is a matter of course. When one day you feel that eating ice cream often is unhealthy and refuse to buy it anymore, your children will lose their temper at you and complain about you, showing no nostalgia for the past. Matthew Effect There is a fable in the Bible \”New Testament Matthew\”: A king was going on a long journey, and before leaving, he gave his property to three servants for safekeeping. The first servant received 5,000 taels of silver, the second servant received 2,000 taels, and the third servant received 1,000 taels. After a long time, the king came back. The first servant presented 10,000 taels of silver and said, \”Your Majesty, I used the money you gave me to do some business and helped you earn 5,000 more!\” The king was very happy and rewarded him heavily. The second servant offered 4,000 taels and said, \”Your Majesty, you gave me 2,000 taels, and I helped you earn another 2,000 taels.\” The king was also very happy and rewarded him in the same way. The third servant only offered 1,000 and said: \”I buried the 1,000 taels you gave me well in the ground and now I will return it to you as it is.\” The king was very unhappy and felt that this servant was stupid and lazy. There was no reward, but he took away the only 1,000 and gave them to other servants. \”To everyone who has, more will be given to him, so that he will have excess; and to everyone who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.\” This is the famous \”Matthew Effect.\” This \”Matthew Effect\” actually reveals a cruel social phenomenon: excellent people will become better and better if they work harder; poor people will become worse and worse if they don\’t make progress. The inspiration for mothers is: (1) You must not let your children be lazy, because the most terrifying thing is not that others are better than you, but that people who are better than you work harder than you! A child who was admitted to Tsinghua University said: \”Before I came to Tsinghua University, I thought I was pretty awesome. But after I got to Tsinghua University, I realized that there were too many awesome people, and everyone was working hard! The number one in our class got up early every day Memorizing English…\” (2) Many people say that \”failure is the mother of success\”, but in fact, success is the mother of success. The development of children\’s good habits and the cultivation of healthy interests actually come from the small sense of accomplishment when they make progress, and definitely not from the depression when they fail. Therefore, whether your child is preparing to practice piano or learn other hobbies, at the beginning, you must be more encouraging and tolerant, so that your child can continue to progress with a sense of achievement one after another. If you blame him when he doesn\’t practice well, it is likely that the child\’s enthusiasm will be dampened and his condition will get worse and worse. Over-the-limit effect: When a child receives too much of the same stimulus for too long, he will slowly develop feelings of boredom and resistance. This is the so-called \”over-the-limit effect.\” In other words, many things will be counterproductive if taken too far, so it is better not to do them at all. Why do many mothers always feel that they have tried to reason with their children 100 times, but their children just can’t listen? Because you talk too much, are too complicated, and are too unclear, it stimulates the child\’s \”over-limit effect\” and makes him feel annoyed. For example, a childThe bedroom is very messy, and some mothers will nag endlessly: \”Look what you have done to the house? You only know how to play during the holidays, but you are too lazy to act like a pig!\” \”Okay, I understand, now I Just clean it up!\” \”Now that I know it again, why did you come here earlier? Just like your father, he can\’t move without being pushed!\” \”Oh, I understand, aren\’t we just cleaning it up…\” \”Are you still impatient? Who are you talking to? Did I say you made a mistake? Let’s just say the day before yesterday…\” \”Mom, you are so annoying, are you done yet!!\”… So, whether it is a heart-to-heart talk with the child, Regardless of the instructions, the language must be concise and powerful. If you feel that the child\’s bedroom is messy, just order him to clean it up within a time limit. Don\’t go over old scores or say too many words to vent your anger. The more you speak, the less powerful words become. Halo Effect There are actually clouds and stars next to the sun, but the sun\’s light is too strong and covers them all. This is called the halo effect. When we educate children, we are often affected by this effect: when we love a child, we feel that the child is full of advantages; when we are dissatisfied with the child, we feel that the child has no merit. (1) Don’t over-protect your children in the name of love: When their children have a dispute with a friend, many parents love their children so much that they are afraid that their children will suffer a loss, so they always run over to protect their children as soon as possible, even if their children clearly Unreasonable. However, this kind of unprincipled protection cannot make children face their own problems at all. It will also encourage children\’s willful and selfish character flaws, and their popularity among their friends will become very bad. (2) Don’t use grades to evaluate the quality of children. Although we say we want quality education, the most important thing in our hearts is children’s grades. When a child\’s grades are good, you will feel that the child is pleasing to the eye, and even if you are disrespectful to the elderly and rude, they will be ignored unintentionally; when your child\’s grades are poor, you will feel that the child is getting more and more upset. He has a lot of problems: he can\’t sit or stand, he\’s lazy, he\’s playful, he talks back and he\’s disobedient… Even if he\’s talented in music, painting, and expression, his parents won\’t care at all. So, mothers, if you have the above situation, please remind yourself to pay attention. Children\’s grades are only a temporary measure. When children go out of school and start a business, they will often rely on things other than grades.