Whether a child\’s marriage is good or not depends on the attitude of the parents.

The actress who played Tonya\’s mother in the Oscar-winning movie \”I, Tonya\” won this year\’s Best Supporting Actress crown. She truly demonstrates the negative parenting attitudes of parents. This negative attitude is like a dark cloud covering the sun, making children\’s psychology bleak from an early age. In the movie, Tonya\’s mother accompanies her to skating classes. On the skating rink, Tonya\’s graceful figure and elegant movements made the onlookers envious and praised. But her mother, holding a cigarette in her mouth, squinting her eyes, shouted at her daughter: \”You are so ordinary in skating, you have no special features! It\’s not neat at all!\” As long as her daughter makes the slightest mistake, she will yell at her: \” You bastard, you loser.\” At home, her mother always disliked her, picked on her everywhere, and attacked her from time to time. When her mother was slightly dissatisfied with her, she would kick her away; when her mother was particularly angry with her, she would beat her face to face, and even stab her in the arm with a sharp fruit knife. For this reason, Tonya sadly said to her mother: \”Growing up, what have I done that you have been satisfied with? You are my nightmare.\” When she grew up, Tonya turned into a beautiful girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. However, she has been despised by her mother since she was a child, and she always feels that she is disgraced and unlovable. So she hurriedly married the first man who told her she was beautiful. Just because this man showed a little bit of appreciation for her, she was flattered and excited, and decided to treat him well for the rest of her life to repay his favor. After the marriage, her husband showed his scumbag nature and punched and kicked her from time to time, until her whole body was bruised and her breath was dying. However, every time her husband commits violence, as long as he buys her a few boxes of chocolates and a bouquet of roses, she will believe that her husband still loves her, so she will continue to stay in this marriage, anesthetizing and deceiving herself. We often say, \”You lack calcium when you are young, and you lack love when you grow up.\” In real life, many people do this. The so-called \”calcium\” refers to a person\’s backbone, his or her inner firm sense of self-worth, or his belief that he is good and deserves to be treated gently by the world. However, children who have been suppressed by their parents\’ attitudes and tortured by their parents\’ violence since childhood, what they lack most is this. Therefore, when they are deficient in \”calcium\”, when they grow up, they will never be able to straighten their backs in love, and will always be willing to compromise in exchange for that little bit of warmth. In the original family, the parents’ attitude towards raising their children affects their children’s future interpersonal communication and marriage patterns. If in childhood, parents can be gentle, respond to the child\’s physical and mental needs, give him appropriate encouragement and praise, and input positive information into his subconscious, he will build a good sense of self-worth at the psychological level and have a positive outlook on life. self-image. When you grow up, you will confidently choose a high-quality marriage and love relationship that is commensurate with you. However, if parents always have an arbitrary attitude and discourage their children\’s words and deeds, so that they cannot experience affirmation and acceptance, then when they grow up, they will have a low self-recognition and anxiously long for recognition. As long as you get a little favor, you can regard an unworthy relationship as a good match sent from heaven.As the French scholar Bodas said: People\’s concepts and standards are deeply affected by parents\’ attitudes and are rooted in the mind. When we face relationships, we always use the concept system we have established since childhood to choose and judge them. Yes, parents\’ attitudes always have a subtle and long-term impact on children\’s emotional lives. On the one hand, parents’ attitude towards their children will affect their children’s future marriage. On the other hand, parents\’ attitudes towards marriage also affect their children\’s future marriage and love. I once saw such a post in Tianya. The author of the post said that her handsome father had been violent and cheating on her since childhood. These bad behaviors continued for many years. Her mother would tolerate it again and again, and her father would offend again and again. She saw her mother struggling in a painful marriage, heartbroken, but unable to escape, and she felt that the life her mother lived was just like Prometheus. In Greek mythology, Prometheus stole fire from heaven and was punished for it. He was tied to a rock cliff, and vultures came to eat his internal organs every day. At night, the internal organs will grow automatically, and during the day, the vultures will come back and peck his internal organs until they are dripping with blood. The poster feels that my mother is also miserable. For that little flame of love, I was tied into a marriage and couldn\’t escape. I was brutally hurt every day, and the pain was heartbreaking. Even though he has a strong recovery ability, every time he recovers, he will always be heartbroken again. Therefore, when the poster grew up, although she was delicate, gentle, and had many suitors, she was afraid of falling in love and getting married and always retreated. Because she was worried that she would be like her mother, who met someone unkind, and then would be unable to leave the relationship and get stuck in it. If the parents\’ attitude towards marriage is to endure the humiliation and muddle along, then the children will be full of fear and anxiety about marriage, and feel that marriage is full of danger. On the contrary, if the parents\’ attitude towards marriage is free and decisive and full of a sense of control, then the children will easily develop confidence in marriage and a sense of security. In this regard, Trump’s ex-wife is a good example. Thinking back then, when she found out her husband was having an affair, she neither swallowed her anger nor cried. She negotiated head-on with her husband rationally and gently, won alimony, and then turned around and left to focus on her personal career. She launched her own clothing line and jewelry brand, created a new situation in her life, and then happily found her other half. In marriage and love, the attitude of parents is the model for their children; the behavior of parents is the template for their children. As a result, her daughter Ivanka has understood since she was a child: There is nothing terrible about marriage and love. Even if you meet the wrong person, you can retreat in time and make a quick comeback. You decide your marriage and love, you strive for your happiness, and women should have full control over their own lives. Therefore, although her parents are divorced, Ivanka has never been afraid of marriage. When she met her lover, even though they had different religious beliefs and her prospective mother-in-law firmly disagreed with the marriage, and there were many difficulties in the union, she still faced it bravely and fought for it. She converted to Judaism for her husband, and carefully studied Jewish laws and regulations. Finally, she was recognized by her parents-in-law, and she properly gained her ownHappiness. Today, they have three children, get along well with each other, and have a warm marriage. Psychology tells us that childhood is a critical period for a person\’s attitude and emotional development. It is at this time that children learn and form their own philosophy and behavior. At this stage, the child\’s main activity environment is the family. Therefore, the family is the child\’s first school, parents are the child\’s first teacher, and housework is the child\’s first role model. Therefore, if the parent\’s attitude toward marriage is positive, the child will learn optimism; if the parent\’s attitude is repressive and compromising, the child will learn insecurity. Love is a kind of talent, but the view on love comes from acquired education and the example of parents. The most powerful tutoring is teaching by words and deeds, and the most effective infection is through the influence of ears and eyes. Dong Qing once said: \”What kind of person do you want your children to become? It\’s very simple. You just decide what kind of person you want to be.\” Parents\’ positive attitude will benefit their children sooner or later. And the negative attitude of parents will sooner or later make their children foot the bill. John Bowlby, a famous British psychoanalyst and Ivanka\’s family, once said: \”The attitude with which parents take care of their children during childhood determines the attitude in which the children will face emotional challenges as adults. .\” He said that the influence of parents is as important to the formation of a good attitude and personality in children as vitamin D is to the formation of good bones. The influence of parents is mainly divided into two aspects. The first aspect is the direct influence of parents on their children, that is, what attitude parents use to face their children. In childhood, if parents can be kind and kind to their children and give them enough love, then when the children develop attachment relationships in the future, they will be full of security and self-confidence, and will neither be anxious or avoidant, nor will they be anxious to get. A little love, but dependence and entanglement. If parents always attack and complain about their children, then children who lack love will be extremely thirsty for love without judgment. It\’s like a traveler who has been trekking in the desert for a long time and has a thirsty mouth. He hurriedly drinks a little water given to him without even trying to distinguish whether it is poison or sweet spring. The second aspect is the indirect influence of parents on their children. Parents\’ attitude towards their own marriage also always affects their children\’s perception of marriage. Children will internalize their parents\’ practices into their own thinking patterns and emotional habits. Therefore, a parent who takes charge of his own emotions will have children who are proactive in marriage and love and have the courage to solve problems. As for a parent who suppresses his emotions, his children will also be passive in marriage and love, afraid to face problems. The philosopher Locke once said: \”Children\’s behavior is mostly imitated. We are all animals with strong imitation ability. If we are dyed green, we will be green, and if we are dyed yellow, we will be yellow.\” Yes, children treat their parents very well. Always learn and imitate. Therefore, treating your child gently is to give him the best self-confidence; treating yourself gently is to give him the best example. The writer Sienkiewicz once said: \”The love of parents plays a more important role in children\’s love than Cupid\’s arrow.\” Only with the good attitude of parents can children be happy and content in love and marriage.