Whether or not your child will be close to you when he grows up is actually a sign.

A few days ago, I was eating out with my best friend, and a mother and son at the next table caught our attention. The little boy looked to be three or four years old. He was lively and active and could not calm down for a moment. He was either pulling out the small drawer under the table or playing with the bottles and cans on the dining table. At first, the mother patiently told the child to be quiet and not to move. But after a while, the child spilled the soy sauce from the condiment bottle on his clothes. The mother yelled: \”You don\’t listen when I tell you not to move. You are always so disobedient!\” \”It\’s okay now, I got it all.\” The clothes are on!\” \”If you don\’t want to eat, don\’t eat. Sit aside and I won\’t take you out next time…\” The child was so frightened that he cried, instantly attracting everyone\’s attention, and now the mother was even more angry. , while pushing the child, he said: \”Stop crying, did you hear me? Shut up right now!\” But the child threw himself into his mother\’s arms desperately, crying and saying: \”Mom, I was wrong, I stopped moving.\” …\” The mother stopped scolding and began to wipe the child\’s tears. The little boy immediately stopped crying and nestled in his mother\’s arms with a happy face. Seeing this scene, I couldn\’t help but sigh: \”Children really don\’t hold grudges!\” My best friend replied to me: \”With children of this age, no matter how harsh you are on them, they will still love you.\” No matter how harsh you are on your children, , it’s true that he loves you if you think about it carefully. Children of school age will not alienate or resent their parents no matter how much they scold or beat them. Parents have probably experienced this situation: the child was scolded by his mother one second, and tears were still hanging on his face. The next second, he stretched out his little hand and asked his mother for a hug; he had just been \”fixed\” by his father. There was a pause, but within a few minutes, he cautiously came over again and begged his father to accompany him to build the castle. …At that moment, all the anger of the parents was dispelled, and no matter how hard their hearts were, they softened and had no choice but to surrender obediently. My best friend said that she deeply understands this feeling of \”mixed joy and anger\”. She took on a new project a few days ago and was very busy and tired. When she came home exhausted, she saw her child scribbling on her white bag with a paintbrush. She immediately became furious and yelled. The child was startled at first, then ran over and grabbed the corner of her clothes, crying and saying: \”I want to make my mother\’s bag more beautiful.\” It was so angry and funny. She wanted to push the child away to see if the bag could still be saved, but the child refused to let go and kept asking her mother if she was not angry anymore. For young children, they may not understand why their parents are angry, but they can feel their parents\’ attitude; they may not care about their parents\’ criticism, but they are afraid of losing their parents\’ love. I read a piece of news online before. A little boy was locked in a room after being scolded by his mother for procrastinating on his homework. When the child saw his mother losing his temper, he was so frightened that he didn\’t dare to express his anger and finished his homework silently. It was late at night, and he wanted to go find his mother, but he was afraid that her mother was still angry. After wandering for a while, the boy wrote a sentence and stuffed it under his pillow, and then fell asleep. These were seen by the mother on the surveillance camera. After the child fell asleep, the mother came to her son\’s room, took out the note and cried instantly. She saw that it read: Mom, I love you. This is our child, no matter how you yell at him/her or scold him/her,He/she still loves you. The child may still be disobedient and make you angry in the future, but his love for you is real and pure. If you miss the attachment period, it will be too late to get close. As the saying goes: \”There are no parents who don\’t love their children.\” The vast majority of parents in the world love their children deeply, but there are often conditions attached to this love. When children are obedient, sensible, and comply with our wishes, we feel gratified and satisfied, and our words are full of love; but when children are naughty and get into trouble and disappoint us, anger and boredom occupy our hearts and we can’t help but Yell at your kids and then regret and blame yourself later. Netizen @十一 was once trapped in this contradiction. When she was angry, she said to her child: \”Mom doesn\’t want you anymore, please go away…\” The child wanted to go forward to please her mother, but was ruthlessly stopped. The child was helpless and frightened, and finally burst into tears. At this time, the mother began to feel distressed and blame herself… This kind of pain and entanglement must have been experienced by many mothers. You know you shouldn\’t do this, but sometimes you just can\’t control it, and you will make the same mistake again and again after regretting it. However, what makes parents wonder is that every time they hurt their children, the children seem to love them more. Do children naturally like to be abused? Of course not. But rather than being sad and aggrieved, what a child is more afraid of is that his/her parents will not love him/her or want him/her because of this, so he/she will act to please their parents. Psychologist Maslow once divided human needs into five levels, including \”security needs\” and \”belonging needs.\” For children in the \”attachment period\”, their parents are the whole world and their source of security. When their parents lose their temper, the children are afraid that their parents will no longer want them, so they ask their parents not to be angry when they are beaten or scolded. When a child is rejected by his parents, he will have no sense of belonging and needs to be accepted by his parents again, so he will cry and beg for a hug. This period is also a critical period for parents to establish a parent-child relationship with their children. If parents are often aggressive towards their children, it will not only make the children feel insecure, but will also push the children further and further away. This is also the reason why many children are rebellious in adolescence. Just like Fan Deng said: \”Before the age of 10, if you said to throw him out, he would be scared; if you say that again at the age of 14, he might run away from home.\” If you miss the attachment period, even if you want to get close to your child, Your children may not appreciate it, and may even find it annoying to you. After all, the separation between parents and children is a separation that will eventually fade away, and it is also a practice that should be practiced and cherished. Loving children starts with managing emotions. In \”Parents\’ Emotions Affect Children\’s Life\”, there is a sentence: Parents\’ good emotions can make children feel happy and confident, and are a booster for children\’s progress. Parents\’ emotions have a very important impact on the formation of children\’s personality. Far-sighted parents do not scare their children with violence, but know how to nourish their children with a gentle attitude. To love your children, you might as well start by managing your own emotions. 1. Before speaking, calm down for 6 seconds to control your emotions. There is a \”6-second calm down method\”. It means that when you are emotional, give yourself 6 seconds to calm down and avoid making impulsive decisions and actions. When we see “destructive” or “rebellious” behavior in children, we usuallyOften he will speak out to stop someone immediately, and it is easy to speak too harshly when he is impatient. You might as well calm yourself down before speaking. Use 6 seconds to allow your brain to rethink so that we can make smarter choices. Of course, 6 seconds is not a fixed number, but a symbol. It can also be 12 seconds, 18 seconds, or 1 minute, as long as it can achieve the purpose of stabilizing emotions. 2. Listen to children’s thoughts and needs. When a child is disobedient, we will take it for granted that the child is naughty and deliberately causing trouble. But if you ask your kids why they do what they do, you\’ll find that it may not be what you think. For example, if a child throws something, he may want to attract attention and need companionship, or he may want to imitate; if a child grabs his younger brother\’s building blocks, it may be because he finds that his younger brother has built the building blocks wrong and wants to help him put the building blocks back together… When you understand If you understand the reason why your child is disobedient, you will not be so angry and you will be able to find a solution to the problem. 3. Learn to self-reflect and be aware. When dealing with children\’s problems, parents must also learn to reflect and be aware. Have you ever discovered that when we are in a good mood, we are more tolerant of our children; but when we are in a bad mood, the smallest thing can \”explode\” us. When you want to be aggressive towards your child, ask yourself, is it really the child\’s behavior that is causing the anger? Or is it because I am too tired or in a bad mood? Remember to pay more attention to your emotions. When you feel bad, try to relax yourself and say to yourself: \”This will pass…\”; when you are about to lose your temper, look in the mirror and give yourself a smile. , let the body relax. When you become aware of your emotions, you are already on the road to controlling them. The famous child psychologist Rudolf Drex once said: \”It is easy to be a parent, but it is difficult to be a parent.\” Raising children is very hard, and parents are also groping forward. In the process, they will inevitably become impatient, frustrated, and collapse. , but also gained the love and growth of children. Even though I was a little embarrassed and exhausted, my heart was filled with unparalleled happiness and satisfaction. This time that cannot be repeated is precious to both parents and children. Light up \”Like\”, I hope every parent can be more rational and patient, less impulsive and irritable in the process of raising children, and use good temper to lay a warm foundation for their children\’s life.