Whether the children you raise are sunny and confident depends on these 5 details

Psychologist Professor Li Meijin once said in a lecture: \”For a child\’s growth, good character is more important than ability.\” A child with character defects will be depressed and gloomy inside, and will easily hesitate on the road of life in the future. If you don\’t move forward, you may even go astray or stumble. Children with sunny, confident and courageous personalities are positive and bright in their hearts; no matter they encounter setbacks or difficulties, they will establish a good mentality, be full of positive energy, and be more likely to succeed in the future. As parents, when we do our best to support our children\’s achievements, we should not forget to give our children a confident and sunny character. The following parenting details are very important to children’s mental health. Parents must pay attention to them! Giving the decision-making power to the children vs. making all decisions for the children. An online jewelry store owner told such a story. A mother and son went to the store to buy keychains. The boy looked submissive, groping for the pattern he liked with his hands, and casting longing glances at his mother. However, the mother decisively rejected her son\’s idea and told him not to do too much as a child. The shop owner said that when he saw the domineering look of the adult, he immediately understood the reason for the boy\’s lack of confidence. Even a small keychain cannot be chosen according to your own preferences. His world is destined to be filled with too much interference and restraint. A child who is not allowed to make decisions cannot gain a sense of self-control. In an environment filled with orders and repression, he will doubt himself more and more and dare not make decisions. If things go on like this, the seeds of inferiority in children will continue to sprout, occupying the soil and space for the growth of self-confidence. Don’t underestimate the act of letting your child make a decision. The deep meaning behind it is respect for the child’s autonomy and is the key to cultivating self-confidence. Instead of making decisions for your children in everything, it is better to give the right of choice back to the children themselves within an appropriate scope. Children\’s growth requires freedom and a sense of control, so as to develop self-recognition and trust, pave the ground for self-confidence, and become stronger and stronger. Treat children coldly when they lose their temper vs. not allowing children to lose their temper. The program \”Super Parent\” records many children who \”love to lose their temper\”. Their behaviors are often: breaking down and crying, rolling on the ground, throwing toys, throwing things, and even attacking others… Faced with these situations, some parents are at a loss, and some parents use violence to stop them. The most impressive thing is Chenchen\’s father. When he saw his child crying, he became emotional and roughly took his son away and gave him a profound \”education.\” Order his son to stop crying; ask his son to slap his own palms; force his son to admit his mistakes. After some discipline, Chenchen calmed down her temper, wiped her tears with the back of her hand, and buried her head deeply in her arms. Although the child seems to be calm, the suppressed negative emotions and ignored needs are gradually lurking in his subconscious, affecting the development of his character. As parenting teacher Zhan Honghong said: \”The father\’s behavior caused extreme panic to the child, and it is very easy to have a psychological shadow.\” In life, how many parents, like Chenchen\’s father, use tantrums to prevent their children from throwing tantrums? What about temper?? In fact, a child\’s tantrums are the result of unsatisfied inner demands, limited expression ability, and immature emotional brain development. Blindly stopping children from losing their temper goes against the laws of psychological development. When facing that \”explosion\” child, you might as well use positive discipline methods and learn to \”cold handle\” it. First of all, parents should maintain emotional stability and calmly face children who lose their temper; secondly, give the child a period of time to buffer his emotions and wait for him to self-regulate; finally, through calm communication and communication, correct values ​​and behavioral rules should be conveyed. The \”cold treatment\” method does not mean that parents ignore their children, but requires parents to use a calm attitude, manage their own emotions, understand and see the inner world of the child, and give him better love. Every child who is allowed to lose his temper will gain a sense of security and belonging under the acceptance and recognition of his parents. This acceptance and seeing will dispel the fear in the child\’s heart. He does not have to humble himself to please his parents, but dares to express himself and insist on himself. When a child makes a mistake, listen to his thoughts first vs. reprimand or punish him regardless of the reason. I read a short story online. When the girl was in elementary school, she liked to tinker with various gadgets. Once, on a whim, she took a screwdriver and disassembled the alarm clock to observe its internal structure. But after playing, she couldn\’t restore the alarm clock to its original state no matter what. When her parents found out when they got home, they scolded her and blamed her for wasting things and causing trouble at home. Since then, she has become very cautious, and her character has become more cowardly and restrained. This story makes me feel very sad. Why can\’t parents dig more into their children\’s behavioral motivations and listen to their voices before arbitrarily deciding that certain behaviors are \”wrong\”? Although it is a pity to damage the items, the curiosity hidden behind the child\’s behavior has been ruthlessly eliminated. I remember Rudolf Drakes said: \”There are no children who make mistakes, only children who behave inappropriately.\” Their \”mistake\” is actually to use their own way to explore and understand the world, to express their own ideas, and It\’s not about causing trouble and deliberately causing trouble. Before your child\’s behavior is defined as \”wrong\”, you might as well listen to your child\’s thoughts and give them a voice and a chance to explain. Look at their behaviors and purposes from the perspective of children, instead of using violence and punishment, being held hostage by emotional storms, and using anger and irrationality to suppress children\’s sense of security and self-confidence. Only a child who is allowed to grow up \”making mistakes\” can believe in his own abilities and believe that he will be treated gently by the world. Give your children more affirmative looks vs. getting used to denying and hitting them. I took my children to the playground a few days ago and saw an anxious mother and child. Before entering the fishing ground, children need to change into one-piece water boots and raincoats. There are straps on the clothes, which is difficult to put on. The boy\’s mother kept telling her son that it was wrong to wear this and that. Without saying a word, the boy lowered his head and casually tied on his suspender and hurriedly entered the fishing pond. When he went to catch fish with a small fishing net, his mother looked serious again, criticizing the child for holding the net incorrectly, fishing at the wrong angle, and with wrong body posture… The boy never said a word., holding the fishing net tightly in his hands, but he dared not go into the water. Just imagine, if a child has negative voices in his ears all the time while he is trying and learning, how painful would he be? There is a \”suggestion effect\” in psychology, which refers to an indirect or implicit way to influence the psychology or behavior of others. Children in childhood have limited cognitive abilities and are extremely susceptible to various psychological cues, which affects the establishment and development of personality. If parents continue to use hitting, critical, and negative language to educate their children, this will form a negative psychological implication of language. Children will gradually accept this self-evaluation method of \”I can\’t do it\” and \”I\’m terrible\”, which will seriously weaken their self-confidence and make them timid in doing things. And those children who are full of confidence have parents who love to support, affirm and encourage them. In the Thai short film \”Try a Little Hard Every Day\”, a little boy is repeatedly frustrated on the football field. Faced with the coach\’s doubts and the boy\’s dejection, the mother always supported the child with a smile and encouragement. \”You didn\’t know how to head the ball before, but now you are doing very well!\” \”It doesn\’t matter if you can\’t catch up with others, just try to surpass the person in front of you!\” With the encouragement and affirmation of his mother, the boy started again. I regained my confidence, performed better and better on the court, and became more and more energetic. Appreciation and affirmation from parents will help children form a positive self-evaluation and build a sense of self-efficacy, thereby gaining the psychological quality of self-affirmation and self-acceptance. He will relieve his heavy psychological burden from the supportive eyes of his parents. He will not be discouraged when encountering setbacks, will not be afraid of difficulties, and will bravely face challenges. Giving children more affirmation and encouragement is the best spiritual gift to a child, and it is also the source of their self-confidence. Respecting and praising your partner VS attacking and despising your partner. There was news before that an 11-year-old boy in Hangzhou ran away from home. After being found by the police, he cried and complained that his father was either playing games or watching videos at home, and did not go to work. It was his mother who took care of everything at home. He couldn\’t bear it anymore and left. What he saw in his eyes was an imbalance in the family system, which gave rise to a strong sense of powerlessness and self-blame. In life, do we often put pressure on our children due to friction between our partners, and even express dissatisfaction and complain about each other in front of our children? As everyone knows, this kind of complaining will give the child a feeling of instability in the family, making him feel insecure, and sometimes he will blame himself for the root of the conflict between his parents. His world will become increasingly tight, and through inward self-attacks, he will become extremely fragile and inferior, lacking inner support. A family where the husband and wife respect each other and love each other will provide the children with the warmest nest to help them spread their wings and explore the outside world. A good family atmosphere is the foundation for children\’s self-confidence and the most beautiful family tradition. The more loving the parents are, the more confident the child will be, because she is immersed in an environment of love and learns to love herself, others, and the world. Dewey, an American educator, said: \”The highest purpose of all education is to form character, and the best tutoring is the love of husband and wife.\” Only when the relationship between husband and wife is harmonious can the stability and security of the family be maintained and provide a good environment for children.A corner for self-healing. In this way, he will have the confidence to be loved and exude the charm of confidence from the inside out. Montessori said: \”The mind of a child is absorbent.\” What they will become in the future depends on what nutrients they absorbed during their growth period. Raising a confident and sunny child is inseparable from the careful cultivation of parents. Give him freedom and respect within boundaries, and the right to choose in life; give him tolerance and love, and let him be accepted when his emotions are overflowing; give him understanding and patience, and don\’t rush to blame when he \”makes a mistake\”; give him affirmation and support, Use encouragement to dispel the darkness in front of your child; respect your partner and let him have a home full of warmth and love. These wonderful educational essences will become a beam of light that illuminates children\’s lives, guiding them to become more confident and optimistic, and to meet a better version of themselves.