Whether your adopted children love you or not depends on your attitude towards these 3 things

Part 1 A few days ago, I was chatting on the phone with a classmate who had just given birth, and I heard her voice was full of exhaustion, even helplessness and despair. She said that since the birth of her child, she had to get up several times every night to feed her baby and never slept a full night\’s sleep. I used to be able to sleep for seven or eight hours, but now I can only sleep intermittently. The process of raising children is like a long journey, full of hardships. Some people say that raising children is like investing in stocks, a long-term investment. It requires continuous investment and money in the early stage. If you are lucky, the child will grow up to be very good and filial to his parents. But it is also possible that the results are unsatisfactory and the parents\’ hard work is not rewarded. Although parental love is selfless and instinctive, sometimes we can\’t help but worry and anxiety: If I work so hard, will my children feel sorry for me in the future? Will you love me? Will they know how to be grateful? Whether children will feel sorry for their parents when they grow up and whether they will be grateful to their parents depends not only on their parents\’ daily hard care and companionship in life, but more importantly, their attitude when facing important things. These attitudes often influence children\’s attitudes toward their parents far more than day-to-day caregiving. If parents do not give their children true love in these aspects, in many cases, not only will their efforts not be rewarded, they will even make their children feel resentful. Part 2 Here are three common mistakes parents may make, which can have a significant impact on their children\’s attitudes. First, treat control as love. Disney has a classic and interesting cartoon called \”Baobao\”. There was a mother who was steaming steamed buns when one of the buns suddenly came to life. The mother was shocked, but then she calmed down and regarded the bun as her own child. She took good care of him and made him a lot of delicious food every day, and raised the little bun. Debai Baipangpang was meticulous about his life and took very good care of all aspects of his life. Little Baozi spent a very happy time, but as the child grew up and reached adolescence, he began to become a little rebellious. He often wanted to stay away from his parents, often closing the door and chatting with friends. Not only was he not grateful for his parents\’ concern, but he felt that A little impatient. One day, Little Baozi stood mysteriously at the door of his house and introduced his girlfriend to his mother. The mother\’s jaw dropped. She didn\’t expect that the child had grown up. To the mother\’s surprise, the child announced that he wanted to move out. My mother tried to stop her in every possible way but to no avail. In desperation, she swallowed the bun in one gulp. We have no doubt about mother\’s love for Bao Baobao, but sometimes this love is used in the wrong way, mistaking control for love. Of course she was considering the child\’s safety and health and did not want him to get hurt, so she limited the child\’s living area as much as possible. This kind of control may be good when children are young, but as children grow up, this kind of love deteriorates and is no longer a love, but a kind of harm, because they grow up and need their own space, time and rights. Sometimes I think that when I was young, children couldn’t live without their parents, but as they grow up, parents can’t live without their children. Parents have paid so much for their children, and suddenly their children have to grow up, leave, and have their own time. Parents find it difficult to adapt, and may want to continue with the past.In the past, various restrictions were imposed on children, but at this time, such restrictions have become a kind of harm to children. Parents need to know and understand the changes and inner needs of their children\’s growth, learn to let go when appropriate, and give them more space to explore on their own. Second, impose your own expectations on your children. I have a cousin who majored in English as an undergraduate. She also likes it and wants to do related work in the future. But her parents felt that there was no future for her English-speaking career, so they asked her family to arrange a job in a bank for her. They thought this job was very decent and did not require exposure to wind and sun. She could sit in an office every day, which was very ideal. Although my cousin was reluctant, she couldn\’t defeat her parents and could only obey the arrangement. She worked in a bank for two or three years and felt very miserable. Every day at work was extremely painful. A lot of work looks good on the surface, but in fact there is a lot of sadness and dissatisfaction. In addition, she doesn\’t like it, which makes her feel even more painful. My cousin said that she could see her job at a glance, and she knew what her life might be like, and she had already seen it clearly. She feels there is no hope, so do you think she will be grateful to her parents? Will she feel that the life arrangement her parents have given her is the best choice? I don’t think so. She will feel that her parents have seriously interfered in her life, and she will even blame her parents when she is unhappy in the future. Therefore, in many cases, parents should not interfere and control their children\’s choices at will. They can make suggestions and provide choices, but ultimately let the children make their own decisions. If you forcibly make choices for them, firstly, it may not be what they really want; secondly, even if the choice is good, because it is not their own choice, they may have a rebellious psychology, because it is not their own choice, and they will do many things. If you blame your parents, you will not be grateful. Third, regard self-movation and self-sacrifice as love. I saw a Weibo post before, where a mother posted on WeChat Moments, showing a plate filled with mango cores, and captioned it, \”I haven\’t eaten fruit pulp since I became a mother.\” Many comments praised her as a loving mother, but is this kind of self-sacrifice really love? Sometimes there are strings attached to this behavior, and the child is expected to be grateful. For example, if a mother gives the pulp to her children and eats the core herself, she may hope that her children will feel her love and be more grateful to her. There are also mothers who quit their jobs to accompany their children full-time. Although they provide a better learning environment, they also put tremendous pressure on their children. This kind of giving often comes with conditions. Parents may say: \”I have paid so much for you, don\’t you know how to be grateful?\” This kind of giving and sacrifice has deteriorated. It is no longer pure love, but a hidden love. transaction. In addition, self-motivating and self-sacrificial behaviors can make children feel guilty and stressed. They may feel that they can never repay their parents for their efforts, causing guilt and anxiety, and even resistance to their parents. Parents think that their sacrifice is for the good of their children, but this behavior actually deprives their children of the freedom to grow and makes them feel depressed. Part 3: Excessive interference, control and self-impression, these common ways for parents to express love, although they have paid a lot, may ultimately make their children unable to feel love. Parents need to understand that their children willMake long-term changes, learn to let go when appropriate, and give them independent space. Parents should allow their children to grow up in freedom and find their own direction and value. As that sentence says: \”All love in the world is for getting together, only parents\’ love is for separation.\” Parents\’ love should give children the courage and strength to be independent, rather than restraint and oppression. Only in this way can a child truly grow up and become an independent, grateful and loving person.