Whether your child\’s future marriage will be a disaster or a blessing is all hidden in this truth.

When I call my mother every day, she will tell me all kinds of gossip: for example, whose tall and handsome son is a good person and can make money, but he has found a girl who is lazy and lazy to have sex. The whole situation was so chaotic that her mother complained to others every day; another example is the beautiful daughter who was a TV station host, but she had to find a 40-year-old man, and her husband ignored her after giving birth, and her mother was so angry that she asked her daughter to divorce… Every time I hear this, I sigh in my heart: When I was a child, what parents worried about most was their children\’s grades; when they grow up, what parents worry about most is often not their children\’s achievements, but their children\’s marriage. Why do children who have always been sensible and well-behaved become confused and step on thunder as soon as they come to marriage and love? Regarding the relationship between children’s childhood experiences and future spouse selection, I used to only give examples of girls who lack love and are prone to find scumbag men after marriage. Today, Dan’s mother wants to talk to you about two real examples that I have thought about. The impact of parents\’ marriage and upbringing on children\’s views on mate selection. \”I don\’t want to live my mother\’s life anymore.\” Aunt Wang\’s daughter is a TV host. At that time, there were many young talents and handsome men chasing her, but she insisted on marrying a man who was only a few years younger than her mother. Diamond King Lao Wu was so angry that her mother almost broke off the mother-daughter relationship with her. My mother tried to persuade her at the time, but she said: \”Auntie, I\’m not greedy for money, I just don\’t want to live like my mother anymore…\”. It turns out that Aunt Wang was very naive when she was looking for a partner. She just thought the person was nice and married a husband who was one year younger than her. As a result, my husband was laid off not long after my daughter was born. He lost his temper every day when he didn\’t work at home, and even had several affairs in his middle age. At that time, my mother often lamented: I don’t have a good father, but I have a good mother. Aunt Wang worked several jobs and tolerated her husband as much as she could, thinking that as long as she didn’t divorce, she would have less negative impact on her children. But the daughter sees her mother\’s tiredness, and remembers her mother\’s suffering in her heart. She paranoidly attributed all her mother\’s misfortune to choosing a poor, young and immature partner. When it comes to choosing a spouse, I make up my mind to make a choice that is completely opposite to my mother\’s choice – \”It doesn\’t matter whether he is good to me or not, the key is to be mature and rich.\” However, after marriage, before she could enjoy more of the benefits of a mature man, she suffered all the grievances of the old man: she was too old to have an affair, but she did not participate in anything at home with the children; she had a lot of money but He was also suspicious. He signed a property certificate before the marriage, and never gave much money after the marriage except for living expenses. Parents\’ performance in marriage is the template for children\’s view of marriage. When parents have unhappy marriages, what we often see is that children repeat their parents\’ mistakes and continue to be unhappy. But in fact, there is another situation where a child, in order to avoid continuing the misfortune of his parents\’ marriage, chooses a partner who has completely opposite qualities to his father (or mother), without considering whether the person is reliable as a whole and whether he is the right person. What I love is paranoid that: • As long as he is the same as his father, he is bad! • As long as he and his father are completely different, that\’s fine; the shadow of childhood makes it impossible for them to choose a mate rationally and objectively in all aspects. Just like Aunt Wang\’s daughter, her mother\’s grievances in marriage and her father\’s bastardship in marriage made her disillusioned with her youth.Men of Qian\’s age have completely lost trust. Just when she thought she had not fallen into the trap that her parents had ignored when choosing a mate, she unknowingly fell into another unknown pit of overcorrection. There are many such examples around Dan\’s mother: if the father is strong, the daughter will find a very gentle man, from gentle to mama\’s baby, to a cowardly man; if the mother is romantic, the son will constantly test and doubt his wife during the marriage. There is a popular saying recently: \”Hidden in your attitude towards your wife is your daughter\’s future.\” Whether we are fathers or mothers, if we are willful and lazy in marriage, we will destroy our husband-wife relationship, and even more, our children\’s trust in men (women) when choosing a mate in the future. Why do good girls love bad boys? Let’s talk about Dan’s mother’s childhood childhood. She has been a typical good girl since she was a child. She is polite, well-behaved and has good grades. She has always been what my parents call “other people’s children”. However, when it came time to fall in love and get married, she became what her parents called a \”rebellious child.\” I remember I was shocked when I first met her boyfriend: he was driving a motorcycle and looked carefree, just like a middle school student whose rebellious period had not ended. But my little boy was sitting in his back seat with a happy face. I was very curious about her choice, but she said that even she felt strange. The few boys she had met before were well-behaved and chatted but never called. But she fell in love with this boy at first sight and found his rebellious and unique look particularly attractive. Last year, her mother met my mother on the road and she kept crying when talking about her daughter\’s marriage. She said that although the boy was a rich second generation, his parents had told his fortune that he was \”not suitable for work\” and he was almost 30. I don’t have a job, so I just play games at home every day. But when it comes to marriage, parents usually can\’t control their children, and they get married in the end. Recently I heard from my mother that the boy plays games at home every day, and he thinks that his wife is too busy at work to accompany him, so he persuades her to quit the civil service job that she finally got into. If her mother hadn\’t stopped her in time, she would have died. I almost handed in my resignation letter… I was shocked when I found out about this from my mother. I could never have imagined that my motivated and hard-working young boy would actually make such a decision… Be careful with your children. In fact, from a psychological point of view, it is not entirely a coincidence that a good girl falls in love with a bad boy. \”Good\” is never the true nature of a child. When I was a child, I have been living under the discipline and protection of my parents who said \”this is not allowed and that is not allowed\”. My parents always praised her for being sensible when meeting people, but she told me more than once that she hated her parents\’ oppression. , but didn’t dare to resist. The seemingly extraordinary obedience and obedience of many good girls are actually at the expense of suppressing children\’s normal nature and needs. They long for someone to open up their suppressed personalities and help them become their ideal selves. Therefore, when choosing a mate, when a good girl meets a bad boy, she will easily be attracted by the boy\’s flamboyant and independent personality. Mate selection is an inner projection. There is a saying in psychology: \”Because we have hooks in our hearts, others can hang things on them.\” If there is a hook in the heart that lacks freedom, it will be\”Bad\” boys will catch you; if you have a hook in your heart that lacks love, you will be caught by the uncle. The person who puts this hook in the heart of the child is none other than the parents themselves. Views on marriage and love may be more important than grades. Dan\’s mother checked the information and found that Harvard University spent 76 years tracking the lives of 724 teenagers from different walks of life. They found that the reason for a person\’s happiness and longevity is not academic qualifications or wealth. , but warm interpersonal relationships. Researchers specifically pointed out that a good and intimate marital relationship can greatly alleviate the pain caused by frustration and aging. People with poor marital relationships will have earlier memory decline and faster brain function decline. And where does a good marriage begin? Good fate? There is a unique explanation for fate in psychology: fate is cultivated in the past, but the past is not the past life, but our childhood. It is mainly cultivated in the relationship with our parents. We learn from it when we observe the marriage of our parents. Got it. Teacher Wu Zhihong once said: Love is not only the dance of two people now, but also the dance of two families in the past, because our dance steps were learned in childhood. Rather than trying to persuade children when they have already gone astray in choosing a mate, what we should do is to demonstrate the best love to our children during the interaction between husband and wife, and provide the most comprehensive love upbringing to our children during the interaction between parents and children. Whether a child\’s future marriage will be a disaster or a blessing is all hidden in the love we give our children today.