Who can respect a child who doesn’t even respect his mother?

The neighbor’s second child is about the same age as Ning Ning. This semester we are taking our children to parent-child classes outside. My neighbor’s driving skills are better than mine, so she drives every time and I sit in the back with my two children. Yesterday morning, when we arrived at the garage at the appointed time, we saw the little guy lying on his mother\’s shoulders. He refused to get down no matter what, and even after he got in the car, he refused to let his mother drive. He just kept playing tricks on her. Whether we told her we were late for class, or fetched her toys, storybooks did nothing to tease her. The neighbor said that everything was fine all morning. Just when I went out to get on the elevator, I pressed the button for the first floor as soon as I got on the elevator. She cried and said that she had meant to press the button. I apologized to her, but she refused to let me go. , has been crying until now. The neighbor was a little helpless. What happened to children these days? Do we respect her too much? We do everything according to her wishes, and everyone in the family gives in to her. As a result, the child loses his temper when she is slightly dissatisfied. After hearing what my neighbor said, I shared with her an incident that happened to my friend Tangtang: “On Saturday morning, the family was going to go hiking in the park. As soon as they packed up and were about to close the door, I suddenly remembered that I left my cell phone behind. On the sofa, I quickly turned around and ran to the living room to get it. Maybe I ran too fast and accidentally knocked down the Lego that my son had placed next to the sofa. The bricks were scattered on the floor. My son standing at the door saw it and burst into tears. He got up. I quickly came over to comfort him, hugged him, and said I was sorry. After a long time of empathizing and apologizing, he became more and more angry. He broke away from my arms and ran back to his room, closed the door and shouted. , I won’t go to the park to play, you can go on your own. When my husband saw this, he waved his hand to me and told me to leave it alone. Seeing my son like this, I was a little broken, so I went to the underground garage first and waited for the father and son in the car. . It didn’t take long for the two of them to come down, and the son’s mood returned to normal, and the family happily went to the park again. Later in the park, when my son was playing alone in the sand pool, I asked my husband, what are you doing? What did you tell your son? My husband said that my mother didn’t touch the building blocks on purpose. She was also in a hurry and was careless. Moreover, Lego should not have been placed next to the sofa. It was you who didn’t put away the toys, and you didn’t do it yourself. You have to take some responsibility. Everyone makes mistakes, and you will make mistakes accidentally, such as breaking a cup, etc., and we will not be angry with you. My husband also added, I think, you made it from the beginning You shouldn\’t apologize to him so carefully. It\’s not a big deal in the first place. The more you coax him, the more energetic he will be and he feels that he has been greatly wronged.\” Tangtang himself is a psychological counselor and has taken PET. course, she reflected and said, sometimes I feel that we mothers who love to study psychology are poisoned by the concepts of love and freedom. We are afraid that if we don’t give our children enough love, they will always seek approval from the outside world when they grow up. We are worried that if we don’t give our children enough freedom, we will limit their imagination, or leave a lifelong psychological shadow. I have to say that what Tangtang shared touched my nerves. Telling her experience to her neighbors also triggered in-depth discussions between the two of us along the way. In the past year,I have also been thinking about it. When I was raising my eldest son, I read a lot of parenting books, and they all mentioned that you should give your children enough love and freedom, and you should not criticize them at all times, otherwise it may leave a psychological shadow and become a lifelong inner trauma for the child. . Thinking about it, it’s true. Looking at myself who was beaten, scolded and criticized by my parents since I was a child, it does sometimes bring back some unbearable memories of my childhood. Therefore, I am always careful when speaking to my children and seek their opinions on everything. There is some inconsistency with the child. When the child is unhappy, he immediately regrets and blames himself. Is there any inappropriate words or deeds that hurt the child\’s young heart? If the child has any needs, try his best to satisfy them. Experts say that if the child wants to eat chocolate, Just eat it freely, but one day she will get tired of it; if you restrict her eating now, she will have a hole in her heart when she grows up, and she will keep buying chocolates at home just to make up for not being able to eat them when she was a child. regret. But, will this really happen? Is a child\’s heart really so fragile? Compared with the authority, beating and scolding education of our parents, have we gone to the other extreme? Do we really need to put aside our own needs and always respect our children’s opinions? Looking back on my experience as a mother over the years, I realize more and more that respect is mutual. When respecting the needs of my children, I must also take care of my own emotions. We need to let our children know that their mother is not a spinning top spinning around them all day long. She is also a human being and has her own needs. When getting along with her mother, her children must slowly realize that only those who know how to respect others can gain the respect of others. . I recently read \”Simple Education Sutra\” and my thoughts were confirmed in the book. The book divides children\’s upbringing into three stages, and the roles played by parents in these three different stages are different. For children under the age of 8, parents are more like managers. We need to give children clear guidance and boundaries. A parent with boundaries will make the child feel more secure. At this stage, most decisions in a child\’s life should be made by the parents. For children between the ages of 9 and 14, the role of parents at this time is like a gardener. They will listen carefully and observe the child\’s situation, and sometimes ask for the child\’s opinions and opinions. However, it is still the one who makes decisions at home and is responsible for it. parents. For children over 14 years old, parents are like a guide, listening to the child\’s views to see if they need help from their parents. Most of the child\’s basic needs are determined by the child. You must know that by this time they have already begun to trust us. I don’t have much interest in my long speech anymore. In other words, rights and obligations are equal. The extent to which a child can make decisions about his own needs depends on the extent to which he can be responsible for this decision. Your parents have decided that this week’s family day is to go to the park instead of the playground. If your child is unhappy, we will accept your emotions and understand your loss, but the person who is responsible for this emotion is the child himself, not the parents. . A few months ago, I was taking classes in Shenzhen. Xiaopai and his father participated in the class\’s parent-child trip in Zhongshan. After the trip, we were planning to go home. Xiaopai told his father that he wanted to see his mother as soon as possible and asked his father to drive there.Pick me up in Shenzhen and return to Guangzhou together. Paida didn\’t dare to make any mistakes and ran all the way. However, taking a detour from Zhongshan to Shenzhen added one or two hundred kilometers in vain. For Pai Ba, who had just climbed the mountain, he was so tired that he vomited blood halfway through the drive, so he had to complain all the way. After I came back, I shared my views on this matter with my father. We can understand that the child wants to see his mother as soon as possible, but the decision to take a detour of more than 100 kilometers to pick up his mother should not be made by a 9-year-old child. Because the person who has to work hard to drive is your father, not the child himself. If you don’t want to do this but dare not refuse your child’s request, you must first ask yourself why I am like this. After I became more and more clear about the relationship between boundaries and freedom, I no longer had the entanglements and worries before when dealing with many issues, but I became more calm and confident. Otherwise, I will probably fall into the quagmire of a mother with three children and never recover. In the past two years, I have often attended some parent training or self-growth courses. Sometimes, these classes are scheduled on weekends. At the beginning, when I told Xiaopai that my mother was going to class this weekend, she was very angry, \”Humph, you can\’t accompany me anymore.\” At first, I would feel very sorry. Yes, it was a big weekend, and other children would have their mothers with them. In order to alleviate the guilt, I would do various ideological work for the children; or promise some conditions, buy gifts as compensation, etc. But sometimes the child refuses to give up and feels that I owe her something. Later, I thought about this issue carefully. It is my need to want to go to class. After weighing the importance of the course to me and whether my daily companionship with my children is sufficient, if I still want to go to class, then Don\’t have any mental burden. This weekend I am going to take the class of Dr. Cohen, the author of the power of games. I told Xiaopai that it is my mother’s business to go to class. You can do your homework at home on the weekend; you can also play with classmates in the community, or invite children to play at home. There are also aunties who cook. Mom believes you can arrange your own life. \”I know, what game have you learned? Come back and share it with me.\” I was prepared for another verbal battle, but what greeted me was the smiling face of the child.