Whoever a child sleeps with is his child

My friend Xia Zi said that her son kicked her out of bed last night. When she said this, her eyes were full of sadness. Xia Zi\’s husband was hospitalized some time ago and she was pregnant with her second child. Her mother felt sorry for her and took her 2 and a half year old son back to her parents\’ home to take care of her. Three months later, Xia Zi and her husband went to pick up their son from her parents\’ home. The moment she saw her son, Xia Zi burst into tears. She called her son by his nickname and wanted to hug him, but his son acted as if he hadn\’t seen her and turned around and walked back into the house. For an entire afternoon, no matter how much Xia Zi teased her son, he remained silent and never even called her mother. At night, after the child went to sleep, Xia Zi crept onto the bed. Unexpectedly, before Xia Zi lay down, her son had already stood upright, looking straight at her, and said quietly: \”This is grandma\’s bed, I want to sleep with grandma, you go out.\” \”Grandma rushed over, looked at the estranged mother and son, and said softly to her little grandson: \”How can you talk to your mother like this?\” The child scrambled into grandma\’s arms in a panic, whimpering and said, \”They don\’t want me. I don\’t want to sleep with her anymore!\” The son stared at Xia Zi\’s growing belly and said harshly: \”If you leave, you don\’t love me anymore, why should I kiss you?\” Picture source: \”Confession\” 》Hearing this, Xia Zi felt mixed emotions, her heart clenched with guilt, and her tears kept falling. Many times, whether in space or psychology, we gradually feel that our children are becoming less and less close to us, and we increasingly don’t understand what our children are thinking. But no matter what the situation is, when your child stops kissing you, parents should be careful. The lack of companionship makes the children travel further and further away. In \”Mom is Superman 3\”, I was heartbroken by the sense of alienation between mother and son Huang Shengyi and Andy. From the beginning of the pilot film, the mother and son have given the impression that the child is not close to the mother. When getting along with his mother, Andy feels uncomfortable in various ways: he is picky about food and does not like anything he eats; he dislikes the breakfast prepared by his mother with \”little of everything\”; he refuses to buy new clothes from his mother \”No, I don\’t want it\”; he refuses to hold her mother\’s hand. ; Refusing to take pictures, \”I don\’t want to take pictures, it\’s your turn\”… He even said bluntly: \”I don\’t like her to accompany me.\” This sentence is the root of the problem between the two: disapproval and no sense of belonging. In fact, there is a reason why Andy doesn\’t get married to Huang Shengyi. Andy has been taken care of by his grandma since he was 3 months old, and has been in this area for three years. For him, grandma even moved the playground and ski resort to her home. Writer Xiao Wu once said, \”Whoever a child sleeps with is his child.\” Children are the simplest and most direct. He will kiss whoever spends more time with him. In the variety show \”Metamorphosis\”, a child confided: \”I don\’t want money, I just want the company of my parents.\” In the hearts of children, no matter how expensive the toys or beautiful clothes are, they are not as good as the company of their parents; A child’s grandparents cannot compare to the company of his parents. In fact, the so-called accompanying children does not mean that we should be by their children\’s side 24 hours a day. Accompanying children is not about the length of time, it is about the attentiveness. What children need is 100% of their parents’ undivided attention.Invest. For example, set up a special parent-child time for you and your child, read a book together, play a parent-child game together, go to a movie together, or even do nothing but just watch Ants Moving and Spiders with your child. Weave a web. The practice of a mother in Sichuan is worth learning from. In the past four years, while on a business trip, this mother insisted on writing more than 100 handwritten letters to her children. Although she was the farthest distance from her son, she interacted with her children through letters and gave her the closest companionship. Psychologists say that a child\’s early childhood is an important period for parents and children to establish a parent-child relationship. If this critical period is missed, it will be difficult for children to become close to their parents. So, before it\’s too late, stop, slow yourself down a little, and give your child more time. Even if it\’s just ten minutes a day, please spend all your time with your child. Intervening in children\’s boundaries is a way of disturbing my daughter. When my daughter was 3 and a half years old, there was a time when she and I were no longer as close as before. Every time I enter her room, she is very repulsive. Sometimes when I help her put away her toys, she will say unhappily, \”Mom, that\’s my toy.\” Later I realized that I had hit my daughter’s “possession sensitive period.” When children aged 3-4 years old reach the sensitive period of possession, they strongly feel the joy of possessing and controlling their own belongings, and show disgust and rejection of adults\’ \”error-correcting\” behaviors. When I clean up the house, I will put the Barbie dolls on the table into storage boxes; I will put the stuffed toys scattered in the center of the bed against the wall next to the bedside; I will sort the picture books piled up on the table into categories. Put them neatly on the bookcase… But my role as a \”cleaner\” makes my daughter particularly disgusted, because I unconsciously broke her inner sense of order, and she felt that I destroyed her right to control the items. , so he responded to me with indifference. Later, when I studied psychology myself, I came to understand more and more that no matter how small a person is, he is an independent individual with his own thoughts and consciousness. Even for very young children, their independent will and ownership of space and objects must be respected. This is the basis for establishing a sense of boundaries: Only when his boundaries are respected can he know how to respect others! To break the ice in the parent-child relationship, start by respecting your child\’s boundary awareness. The relationship between husband and wife is a barometer of the family. The most direct influence on the behavior, emotions, and ways of getting along between parents and the overall environment of the family is the children. American psychologist Cummings believes that children will pay great attention to the emotional interaction between their parents and use this as a basis to judge whether the family environment is safe. A friend of mine, her parents started quarreling when she was very young. Whenever they quarreled, her mother would cry. While she was crying, she would scold her, saying that she was a drag, and if it weren\’t for her, she would have been divorced long ago. Friends said that although she has always lived with her parents, she is not close to anyone and has never communicated sincerely with anyone. When I grew up, my friends went to work far away, and the emotional contact with my parents became less and less. Because she could not find the sense of identity and security of home. No matter how excellent the education method is, it cannot defeat the purpose of giving children a warm and happy family. Picture source: \”Thumping Heartbeat\” given by Huang Lei\’s familyPeople always feel so in love with each other. Huang Lei once explained his education to his children in this way. He named his two daughters, one is Ci and the other is Ai. He said that only by putting kindness in your heart can you live a happy life. Known as \”Huang Xiaochu\”, he is a typical good family man. His Weibo is like a condensed version of \”China on the Tip of the Tongue\”, showing off all the delicious food. During such a meal, Huang Lei integrated his love for his wife and children into his recipes. Happy families in the world are all the same: father loves mother, father and mother love their children, and then the children learn how to love, and finally become a family that loves each other, and the little hands hold the big hands and walk forward warmly. If your child suddenly stops kissing you, it may mean that your child has grown up. Sometimes, it is not necessarily a bad thing. It may mean that our child has grown up. Parents\’ love for their children is sometimes a process of gradual separation. In line with the growth pattern of their children, parents must learn to grow up with their children, not to be afraid, let alone to feel disappointed, to let go boldly, to accept and bless their children\’s growth. Hu Ke once shared such a thing on Weibo. I went to school to deliver things. When I saw my son, I greeted him excitedly. I originally thought that my son would be very surprised. To her surprise, her son just nodded indifferently and walked past her. For a moment, Hu Ke felt that her son had grown up and was no longer the child who acted coquettishly at her. Long Yingtai wrote in \”Watching Off\”: The so-called scene between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. Growth is an inevitable law, and I hope we are all mentally prepared. When that little boy, one day, turns his back to you and walks further and further away, and no longer comes to you for hugs and kisses, please give him a blessing and tell him, come on, my boy!