Why are American children neither beaten nor scolded? They are raised liberally and laissez-faire, but there are almost no disruptive naughty children?

There is a type of social news or topic in China that is always very eye-catching, called \”naughty kids getting into trouble.\” Every once in a while, an unlucky kid will appear that breaks the limits of cognition, causing an uproar in public opinion: What the hell? Hot pot soup burns people\’s faces; pees on the elevator; throws bottles down from the 20th floor, washes the piano with Coke; and even causes various deaths… Regarding this naughty child, all the comments from the people who eat melons seem to be like There are two words that can\’t be separated from the back and forth – I deserve a beating! Just like the number of spanks a child receives is directly related to his moral character, just like the people who eat melons can irresponsibly slap them casually, parents must not look at the problem in such a simple and crude way. If the number of spankings a child receives is really related to his or her moral level, those European and American countries that have legislated against spanking children would have streets full of lawless and troublesome children. But the opposite seems to be true. People often ask Chengzi, do American parents really not spank their children? Although the laws of each state are different, and some states also allow parents to spank their children in a certain way (the length and thickness of the spanking board are specified), the vast majority of parents still dare not spank their children in order to avoid trouble. , if a mistake is made and the child is severely hit, and the child becomes aggrieved and goes out to talk nonsense, or the wounds on the body are discovered, there is a risk of losing custody rights, and it will be difficult to even see the child. The price is too high. Sometimes it’s not that I don’t want to fight, but I really can’t afford it! Then the next question comes: Can these children who have never been spanked still be controlled? In fact, the first impression of American children seems to be that they are quite free and lawless. Both boys and girls are all lively and active, and none of them are \”well-behaved\”. If you pass a typical North American children\’s playground, you may suspect that the children running around inside are in some kind of semi-crazy state: children can throw off their shoes, run around barefoot in the sand, crawl on the ground, and roll around. Covered in dirt, you can play wildly, chase and run lifelessly, climb high and low without stopping… No one thinks there is anything wrong with this. The whole playground looks extremely disordered and chaotic, like a boiling pot. The porridge is tumbling and ready to explode. But it is strange to say that with so many children running wild in the field, there are almost no conflicts. The children seem to line up automatically and take turns to avoid collisions. Why can we maintain such harmony under the hustle and bustle? Because someone is in charge! The children in the field can be said to be like a carrot or a pit. There is an adult watching closely next to each child. He does not take out his mobile phone. Even if he is chatting with others, his eyes are always chasing the child. On the one hand, it is to protect the safety of children, and on the other hand, it is to watch the children\’s behavior. As long as they find that their children have violated others, whether intentional or unintentional, an adult will definitely respond within five seconds. I still remember very clearly the first time I saw parents in the United States disciplining their children. It can be said to be very typical: At that time, Mao Tou couldn’t walk. One time I took him to swing on the playground in the community and brought him A brand new toy stroller was placed next to the swing frame, and then two brothers came running into the field, shouting and yelling. Visually, aThey were 3 and 5 years old. They were very naughty. They were laughing, playing and shouting all over the place. It was so crazy that I felt like my head was getting big. As expected, the boy who was about 3 years old quickly took a fancy to the toy stroller I placed next to him. He picked it up and threw it around. As soon as he fell, the boy was picked up by a fat aunt and dragged in front of me. \”Say sorry!\” The fat aunt\’s voice was not loud, but her tone was very firm. I quickly waved my hand and said, \”No, no, no, it\’s okay to play for a while, just a kid!\” The fat aunt said, that\’s not possible. The child needs to go to class. He knows that other people\’s things cannot be touched. Although the child was obviously not happy, he still said sorry coquettishly. The fat aunt said \”good boy\” with satisfaction. Then he let go and let him go down to the ground to continue playing. The two children still played like crazy, but they never touched my stroller again, and they obviously consciously kept a certain distance away from me and my baby. Compared with Chinese children, American children are generally more \”wild and unrestrained\”. Some children are even a little crazy when they are excited, and there is basically no calm \”little adult\” in sight. But no matter how crazy they are, they will still have basic manners in public: they may crawl in the mud in the park, but they will never run rampant in the supermarket. They may cry because of emotional breakdown, but they will never run rampant in the supermarket. If they deliberately shout and make noise in quiet situations, they may have food all over their faces, but they will never run around while eating. They can also be childish, cry and laugh loudly, and be reckless and impulsive, but their behavior is very measured and has even been internalized into an unconscious habit: I once saw a three or four-year-old child crying for no reason. I am out of breath, but I still remember to cover my nose with my elbow when I cough, and I still use polite words when I speak with sobs. I have been living in the United States and Canada for more than 9 years. I have rarely seen any particularly annoying children in public (there are indeed some black or immigrant children, but not white ones). Occasionally, there are bears. It will be nipped in the bud by parents who are watching closely. And raising such a child well does not require beatings. Not only do American parents not spank their children, they rarely even reprimand them, and they always talk to their children in a gentle and gentle manner. However, the principle should be extremely persistent. If a child behaves inappropriately in public and refuses to correct it, the parents will definitely take the child away from the scene regardless of his crying to let the child know that his behavior is not acceptable. As time goes by, children will know what not to do even if they don\’t need to be beaten or scolded. Therefore, there are no naughty children anywhere in the world. Those so-called \”children are young\”, \”ignorant\”, \”too naughty\” and \”can\’t control\” are all excuses. Behind every naughty child who makes noises, causes destruction, and harasses others in public places, there is a pair of irresponsible parents. They are afraid of their children\’s resistance and crying, and do not want to take on the heavy responsibility and pressure of \”disciplining\” their children, so they give up. They have violated their authority as parents and pushed problems that should have been solved within the family into society, allowing the public to shoulder the burden of education.The cost of education has led to all kinds of \”naughty children getting into trouble\” incidents. Look at those incidents, which child was supervised well by his parents? Of course, even in China, there are definitely very few parents who let their children do whatever they want. Most parents still hope that their children will be sensible, decent and well-educated. But when it comes to disciplining their children, many Chinese parents seem to have no other means except spanking and yelling. In fact, spanking is the worst way to discipline: the more you use physical and verbal violence to \”fix\” your child, the more likely the child will be. He will learn this behavior from you, and he will think that physical and verbal violence is okay. Mom and Dad both do it. The reason why I can\’t do it now is because I am too weak compared to my parents. When I find someone who is better than me, When he is a weak guy, I can use violence to vent my emotions or command to control him. Therefore, in some families, the more they \”discipline\” their children, the more serious their behavioral problems become. So, how can you discipline your children without hitting or scolding them? Some parents always find this too difficult, but this is just the norm in the United States. In fact, there are no tricks, they are all stupid skills that persist day after day: 1. Take action, don’t be afraid of children crying. Rules are rules, and the bottom line is the bottom line. No matter how the children cry, doing things that infringe on others is not allowed. , once you see your child engaging in inappropriate behavior such as hitting someone or grabbing something, please keep your mouth shut, take action to stop it as soon as possible, take the child away from the scene, and wait until the child calms down before you talk to him. 2. Criticize the behavior, but If you love your child, squat down, look directly into the child\’s eyes, and tell the child in a calm tone that you are a good child and your mother loves you, but your behavior is wrong and needs to be corrected. You cannot do this. If you do it again, mother I have no choice but to take you out of this place. 3. Repeat it a hundred times. Don’t expect your children to correct their bad behaviors after being taught a few times. Some inappropriate behaviors are age-specific and require months or even years of education to be truly effective. Don\’t be anxious, plant a seed of kindness in your child\’s heart, and as time goes by, your child will definitely get better. All in all, it’s the same sentence – gentle behavior and firm attitude are indispensable. If you are gentle in behavior but not firm in attitude, you will be able to pamper a lawless naughty child! If your behavior is violent but your attitude is not firm, you are just a paper tiger and cannot scare your children. The children will soon learn to get rid of you by crying, acting coquettishly, self-mutilation, not eating, showing off in public, calling for reinforcements, etc. If you have a firm attitude but violent behavior, your child may understand the rules in front of you for a while, but it will seriously damage the parent-child relationship. The child will either become accustomed to suppressing himself and become timid and cowardly, or he will become perverse and violent, and completely lose control at a glance. In China, there is always a lot of public opinion that focuses more on naughty children, saying how hateful such children are. But in fact, in my opinion, the phenomenon of naughty children is just one aspect of improper parental discipline. Because many Chinese parents do not understand scientific methods and always tend to treat their children simply and roughly, the state of many Chinese children is one of polarization: either they are completely laissez-faireControl, children have no boundaries and rules at all, and they turn into lawless naughty children. Or they control the children too hard. They control the children to a state of fear of their parents, suppress their emotions, pretend to be well-behaved and sensible, and do whatever they want. It depends on the eyes of the parents, and the child loses his due liveliness and innocence. Both of these states are wrong. I hope every parent can cultivate themselves, not only to take care of their children, but also to take care of them in a correct and scientific way. I hope our children can understand boundaries and bottom lines early, become accustomed to treating others with kindness, and gain happiness in social interactions. I hope they can grow up with love and encouragement, have wild smiles and crazy ideas, and become what a child should be.