Why are children nowadays becoming more and more difficult to manage? What should I do?

A few days ago, I saw a piece of news. A 12-year-old boy was addicted to mobile phones. After many attempts to persuade him failed, his mother decided to confiscate the mobile phone. Unexpectedly, the boy lost his temper and beat his mother on the street, constantly hurling insults at her. The child whose parents have worked so hard to raise him waves his fist at him. It is really pitiful and pathetic! Coincidentally, just in February this year, an 11-year-old boy in Guangxi \”swung the knife at\” his father with a cold kitchen knife because his father refused to let him play with his mobile phone. Fortunately, after a few minutes of confrontation, the father finally took the kitchen knife out of his son\’s hand. According to the neighbor who recorded the video, \”My father usually spoils his child and often indulges him, otherwise he wouldn\’t be like this.\” I think of netizens often complaining, saying that children nowadays are becoming more rebellious and difficult to control, and they can\’t say anything, scold, or even a little bit. If you follow his will, you will get angry. But as Professor Li Meijin said: Children\’s problems are often caused by adults. Every psychological or behavioral problem in children must be related to the education methods of their parents. The reason why a child is arrogant and lawless is not because he has a bad temper or is ignorant. The truth behind it is worth pondering for every parent. The impact of parents\’ emotional instability on their children is beyond your imagination. The biggest danger in education is to give children freedom when they should be disciplined. In recent years, news about \”naughty children\” has become common. Not long ago, on a high-speed train from Dalian to Beijing, a child kept making a noise, and a female passenger in the same carriage stepped forward to stop him. Unexpectedly, the child\’s mother did not discipline her child, but instead responded to the female passenger: \”He is only 3 years old. He doesn\’t understand the truth. If you have the ability, you can take care of it. I can\’t control him anyway!\” You gave birth to a baby, and you brought the baby to death!\” There was also the 11-year-old boy who took his sister in the elevator and \”flexed his muscles\” in the elevator when he had a disagreement. He put his hands on the ground and kicked on the running elevator door. In an instant, the elevator door panel was squeezed, deformed and flew out. The property management found the boy\’s parents and demanded compensation. The boy\’s mother\’s reply was shocking: \”The door exploded before my son could straighten his legs and push hard. Is this elevator made of paper?\” \”The property management company asked me to pay compensation. If I want to say that the property management company has to thank my son, Oh! If he hadn\’t touched it, something might have happened to everyone while using it!\” I have met many parents who \”respect\” their children\’s nature very much and give them the greatest love and freedom. They feel that disciplining their children is the right thing to do. The bondage and restraint of children. Therefore, they often say these words: The child is still young and ignorant, and he will naturally understand when he grows up; he is still a child, why do you care about him? In fact, between an \”ignorant\” naughty child and a criminal who endangers society, there is often a pair of parents who indulge their children without any bottom line and are reluctant to say harsh words. In the TV series \”Youth Court\” adapted from real events, there is a scene where two teenagers around 11 years old threw bricks from high into the air and killed a kindergarten child. Because they were under 14 years old and did not intentionally injure anyone, the judge had to acquit them both. After coming out of the court, the two teenagers didn\’t take it seriously and were still laughing and discussing about going shopping later.The rice cake thing. Their parents did not take this tragedy to heart at all. Later, the two teenagers became more and more rampant, from stealing and violence to rape, fraud, and then to forced prostitution, and finally stepped into the abyss of crime step by step… The pampering of parental love is a major trap in the growth of children. You can turn a blind eye to your child\’s arrogance, but the adult world will not tolerate it; you can laugh off your child\’s unreasonableness, but social norms will not tolerate it. The biggest danger in education is to give children indulgence and freedom when they need discipline most. Children should be spanked when they should be spanked. No matter whether there is punishment or not, good children will not be raised. I saw a netizen talking about his experience in educating his son. When his son was young, because his family loved him, he was like a little bully, beating anyone he didn\’t like. Every time he tried to control his emotions and resorted to verbal education, but he always achieved little success. Until one time, their family of three went shopping. The mother was trying on clothes, but the son was impatiently clamoring to buy drinks. Seeing that the mother had not finished trying, the son got angry and kicked his mother hard, one kick, two kicks… The netizen couldn\’t bear it anymore and stepped forward and gave his son a big slap in the face. The son was stunned on the spot and cried until his face was covered with snot. However, he became much more honest after that and never did anything similar again. Professor Li Meijin said in \”The Round Table School\”: \”In the process of human growth, something must be formed. In addition to love, there must also be awe. If a child breaks the law, punishment is actually a kind of protection, letting him know that fear , know that you regret it, and never dare to do it again in the future. Only by really making him dare not do it is to protect him.\” Why many children are rebellious and difficult to control now is because when children make mistakes when they are young, parents are reluctant to beat or scold them, and never punish them properly. Pass him. This has led to many children getting more and more angry and having bad tempers, which they cannot control even if they want to when they grow up. So, how to punish children to cultivate their \”heart of awe\”? The most upvoted answer on Zhihu is just one word – \”fight\”. Remember that \”naughty kid\” who threw 15 beer bottles down from the 28th floor? After the parents learned what their children had done, they quickly and solemnly apologized to the neighbors in the owner group, and at the same time posted photos of the children being beaten. Regarding the parents\’ behavior of beating their children, the vast majority of netizens gave rare support and said they would hit their children if they felt they deserved it. Yes, for a child who is not deeply involved in the world, knows little about truth, and has a blank understanding of human nature, only by letting their body feel the heartbreaking pain can they deeply reflect on their mistakes. Psychologist Professor He Lingfeng also said: Children can actually be spanked. This is indeed a very effective method, and the younger the child, the better the effect and the faster the results. When educating children, we must let them know respect, obey the rules, and truly grow up. When spanking children, pay attention to skills and remember \”five hits, five no hits.\” Although spanking children is indeed a necessary educational method. However, indiscriminate and rough beating and scolding are very likely to harm the child\’s body and mind, and will eventually be counterproductive. Professor He Lingfeng once summarized some occasions and techniques for spanking children from a psychological perspective. I\’m hereHere I summarized it as \”five fights and five no fights\” and share it with everyone. Five Don’t Hit 1. Don’t hit when parents are angry. First of all, we must understand one thing: hitting is for the establishment of rules, not for the parents to vent their own bad emotions. If parents hit their children when they are angry, they will easily lose their sense of proportion, accidentally injure their children, and ignore the root cause of their children\’s mistakes. 2. If the child’s parents are also making the same mistakes, they may have read the news. A father beat up his son because he often played with his mobile phone. The child was dissatisfied and cried, complaining that his father often used his mobile phone to watch short videos at home. If parents themselves fail to set an example but force their children to do so, they will only lose their own authority and fail to achieve educational results. 3. Don’t hit your children in front of outsiders. Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, said: “The only way to destroy your children is to make them look embarrassed in public.” Therefore, try not to teach your children in front of others, let alone hit them in public. Beating a child in public is undoubtedly tearing the child\’s dignity to pieces in public; the child has no way to fight back and can only become more rebellious or timid and compromise. 4. Do not spank children when their grades are not good. If children usually have poor grades, they are usually fragile and have low self-esteem. Parents’ beating and scolding will make them lose their self-confidence and become more resistant to learning; if they are children who usually have good grades, We are already very depressed and self-blame, so parents must not make it worse. When a child fails to do well in an exam, the best policy is to believe in him, encourage him, and accompany him to overcome difficulties together. 5. For children after the age of 12, after entering puberty, the child’s self-awareness begins to awaken. They strongly feel that they are an independent and unique individual and have a strong desire to understand themselves and express themselves. During this period, beating and scolding by their parents will make them feel that their self-esteem has been greatly hurt, resulting in strong resistance. Some boys will also develop revenge. Five things to fight 1. When the bottom line of the law is touched, parents should fight when certain behaviors and habits of their children may develop into illegal behaviors when they grow up, such as stealing, destroying public property, intentionally hurting others, and bullying classmates. Want to fight. If parents do not help their children to keep their bottom line in time, sooner or later the children will go off the rails and cause irreparable disasters. 2. Disrespecting elders. Before it was time to spank, I saw a 7 or 8-year-old boy downstairs. His grandma said a few words to him, and he lost his temper. He picked up his schoolbag and threw it at her. But grandma didn\’t fight back and let him vent with a look of helplessness. Every child who is disrespectful to his elders is spoiled. If you don’t want your child to become a white-eyed wolf, you must set rules for your child as early as possible. 3. Lack of quality and lack of public morality should be punished. Many parents think that it is not a big deal for their children to litter and make loud noises in public places, and there is no need to go online. But they forget that a child who is uneducated and rude will only have trouble entering society in the future. When a child breaks the rules, you might as well give him an appropriate punishment to help him remember it better. 4. When you do something wrong but shirk responsibility, education expert Liu Shenhong pointed out that responsibility is an essential quality for children. Smart parents will teach their children responsibility and responsibility. If a child often shirks his responsibilities, over time, he will becomeHe has to be very self-centered, indifferent and selfish. Therefore, parents should take measures to make their children aware of their mistakes and bear the corresponding consequences. 5. When the same mistake persists despite repeated admonishment, it doesn’t matter if you make the mistake once. But if you make it again after being reminded many times, it’s an attitude problem, and it’s very likely that you made it knowingly. At this time, parents must take strong measures in time to help their children regulate their behavior. Finally, after the punishment is over, don’t forget to give your child a hug as soon as possible and tell him-I’m not hitting you as a person, but what you did. Although you did something wrong today and I hit you, I will always love you. Writer Bi Shumin once said: \”I know it is wrong to hit people, but the world has given parents a special forgiveness-beating is love.\” A good education must be a combination of leniency and severity, with clear rewards and punishments. We must always remember that strict control and punishment are intended to make children sensible, understand rules, and become a person with a sound personality. When he was a child, he was \”pricked with needles\” so that when he grew up, he could grow a pair of tough wings and fly freely. Click \”Like\” and encourage all parents.