Why are children nowadays getting more and more depressed?

We always have such doubts: \”Nowadays, children have no worries about food and clothing, so why are they so fragile?\” \”They are also beaten and scolded. Why are there so few psychological problems in children in the past, but there are so many psychological problems in children today? ?” Some people may simply attribute this problem to the fact that today’s children are “too pretentious” and “difficult to discipline.” But when you read more than 4,000 comments from netizens, you will find that everything is more complicated than we imagined. First, the \”distortion\” of the parent-child relationship. In the past, families had average living conditions and many brothers and sisters. The parents\’ main time and energy was survival. The parent-child relationship is one-to-many. Most of the new generation of children are only children, and their living conditions are getting better and better. The parent-child relationship is many-to-one. The advantage is that families will invest more in the education of a single child, both materially and spiritually. The disadvantage is that the stars supporting the moon can magnify love, or it may suffocate love. There is a classic mother-daughter dialogue in \”The Young Man\”. The daughter complained to her mother that since she got a mobile phone, her chat history would be checked by her mother every day. He also repeatedly taught her what to say and what not to say, what kind of friends to make and what kind of friends not to make. Such tight control made her mentally tortured, so the girl begged her mother: \”Mom, give me some space.\” But the mother didn\’t take it seriously and categorically interrupted all her daughter\’s fantasies: \”You want to have yourself in junior high and high school. It’s impossible to create a space. You can read the ones that are helpful to your studies. If they are not helpful, your mother will delete them for you.” There is a term in psychology called the “over-limit effect.” It refers to the psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or resistance due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation and too long acting time. It’s not that it’s bad for parents to “love” too much, but parents should never say they love their children, but in fact they are adding layers of love: loving “children who study well” and loving “obedient children” \”…We always feel that we give our children many choices, but we often leave them with no choice. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Second, adults complained about 996 but ignored the children. 007 Some time ago, a two-and-a-half-minute surveillance video went viral on the Internet, allowing many parents to see how stressed their children are now: A 7-year-old boy has just entered the first grade of elementary school. , slumped in a chair, his eyes full of tears, his shoulders shrugging with each sob, looking at the tablet computer and Chinese textbooks in front of him, the boy raised his head and cried out \”I don\’t want to go to elementary school.\” Before this, the boy was doing homework alone in his bedroom. The content of the homework was to read the text aloud and record the process. But this process is not easy for the boy: the first time, the boy read \”one inch of time\” as \”one golden time\”. The second time, \”one day\’s plan\” was read as \”one gold plan\”. At this time, the boy was already a little anxious. He changed from sitting while recording homework to standing. However, even if he changed his posture, he still made mistakes the third and fourth time he read the text. Finally, one time, the boy read smoothly. There were four sentences in the text, and he read the first three sentences correctly, but he got wrong in the last sentence. So the boy collapsedCollapsed. He patted the tablet with some breathlessness, then grabbed the tablet and cried. He grabbed the Chinese textbook in front of him again and wanted to tear it up, but after thinking about it, he put the book back intact. Just like that, the tablet was not broken, the book was not damaged, there was only the boy\’s crying and helplessness. The boy walked out of the room aggrievedly and wanted to seek help from his parents, but found that his parents had not come back yet, so the boy sat back on his chair and cried helplessly. If it weren\’t for monitoring, no one might know how much effort a child puts into completing an ordinary learning task. If we just keep giving expectations and demands, then the children will become the ultimate bearers of the pressure of the entire society. Once overwhelmed, a simple scolding may be the straw that breaks the camel\’s back. Third, the improvement of Maslow\’s hierarchy of needs. Last year, after a 12-year-old girl in Xi\’an was questioned by her teacher about stealing money and jumped to her death, someone asked: \”Why are contemporary teenagers committing suicide so frequently? Are children becoming more vulnerable or are parents ignoring their children\’s pain?\” \”Netizen @Lucia\’s answer is thought-provoking: In the past, 95% of parents believed in stick education, and every family was beaten to a bloody head. Your mother slapped you in the face, and you behaved yourself. 60% of today\’s parents are against stick education. Other parents patiently guide their children\’s mistakes, but your mother just slaps them. How do you feel? In the past, parents were busy supporting their families. There were more than a dozen children in the family, and they had no time to communicate with each child. You couldn\’t talk to your father for a month, and the same was true for other children, so you felt that you should work harder and let your father see what you were doing. you are proud. Most of today\’s parents have regular schedules and interact with their children at night. Only your dad doesn\’t come home every day and never interferes with your life. Your classmates happily tell you what topics you talked about with your dad yesterday. You think of yourself. How do you feel when you haven\’t seen your father for a month? It’s not that children are vulnerable, it’s that society has progressed, most people have become more knowledgeable, and generally the quality of family education has improved. … In this era when material supplies are no longer so scarce, children’s needs are constantly increasing. According to Maslow\’s hierarchy of psychological needs, they have risen from physiological needs to emotional belonging needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. If you only treat children as if they are young, slap them whenever you want, and give them sweet dates whenever you want, you are undoubtedly depriving them of the value and meaning of their existence. Today\’s children are relatively \”precocious\”. When the awareness of self-needs awakens early and fails to receive enough attention, it is difficult to ensure that they will not go to extremes. Fourth, the living margin is constantly shrinking \”Hello! \”Children\” photographic works have been exhibited all over the country. From it, we see the truest appearance of Chinese children 40 years ago. In the past, children did not have cram schools. After completing their homework, they were free to do what they liked. Even if you get beaten or scolded, if you run out and play wildly with your friends, you will digest all the sadness. Today\’s children, even if they get the preferential treatment of \”burden reduction\”, can\’t escape the various interest classes during breaks. The remaining space in life is constantly being compressed, and there is no time or space for negative emotions to be resolved.A mother told an experience between herself and her daughter on Zhihu @qysmm: This mother is also an only child. When she was a child, she didn’t feel that her parents paid special attention to her. She studied when she needed to and played when she needed to play. But now when communicating with my daughter, if she is a little absent-minded, the child will become angry. She was puzzled at first, but later she realized that it wasn\’t that children today had become fragile, but that their world was too narrow, and other than their parents, they didn\’t have many channels to express their emotions. My daughter has only been able to take two and a half days off every week since the third grade of junior high school, and she has to spend one and a half days to make up classes. In the first year of high school, I arrive at school at 6:50 in the morning and finish school at 10:30 in the evening. There are ten classes plus four evening classes. There are still teachers giving lectures before 9:00. When I go home, even if I stop studying and go to bed, it will be after 11:00. . It would be strange not to have a nervous breakdown after being beaten and scolded after a long day of exhaustion. It is the age when children love to play. Of course, children\’s learning is important, but if they are deprived of their rest time over and over again. What you cultivate is a machine that runs silently and wears out quickly. At the end of writing, I want to say: In fact, every era has its own limitations. Many of our parents, including our generation, came out of hard times. In order to get ahead, it’s not a big deal to get slapped or scolded. Not because we are strong enough, but because this is how our world was originally. Can today\’s children be spanked? Can you scold me? able. However, it is obviously inappropriate for you to give the same set of tricks from the past to today\’s children. Nowadays, with the development of information, children’s horizons are broader. The experience and experiences of the vast majority of parents are difficult to use as a reference for the next generation. Therefore, you can no longer appear as an \”experienced person\” like your parents did back then, but you must help them digest the complex information and emotions in this world. Let’s encourage each other!