Why are children unwilling to communicate with their parents?

Why are most parents unwilling to listen to their children? 01 I don’t have the patience to listen to my children. I still remember that many years ago, a mother asked me: \”Does your daughter tell you about school things every day after school? I saw other children talking nonsense as soon as they saw their mother. Stop. But my child didn’t say anything. I asked him if he was happy at school, and he said it was okay.” At that time, I also answered based on my own parenting experience. Regarding the question my mother asked, I remember I also asked her a question at the time: \”Do you often listen to your children? Also, do you often tell your children some of your own things?\” The mother said: \” He is still so young, how can I talk to him about my affairs, and he doesn’t understand.” Then she said, “As long as he is willing to tell me, I am willing to listen!” I said, “Then he When he is telling you something, do you sometimes feel that his language expression is not fluent, and he cannot explain something clearly in a long time, so he is very impatient. He either has no patience to listen and changes the topic, or he just listens. Just go do your own thing.\” My mother said that this kind of situation did happen. For example: \”While cooking, my child talks about playing with building blocks and building a model. I don\’t like to listen to it because these are all children\’s games, and I really don\’t have the patience to listen. Sometimes, I I will tell him right away, Mom is cooking, you go and play with your toys for a while.\” But, what impact does this have? It\’s not that I don\’t listen, it\’s just that I don\’t have time to listen to him. His mouth is clumsy and his speech is a bit awkward. I stuttered and listened for a long time, which made me very anxious. I usually just let him play with toys. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. Seeing this, don’t we understand why children are reluctant to tell their mothers what happened in kindergarten and school? This mother is just impatient and thinks the child is too young and ignorant. I couldn\’t speak a few words clearly, so I didn\’t even want to listen. Non-violent communication skills online reading pdf+epub+mobi If this goes on for a long time, the child will feel that his mother does not like to listen to him, and he will feel ignored by his mother. After being ignored many times, the child will no longer be willing to talk to his parents about his own affairs. . Because he felt that his parents didn\’t care about this anyway. Talking too much will make your mother unhappy. 02 Likes to talk about life’s principles and blame children for their mistakes. Once I took my daughter to lunch at McDonald’s. The little girl sitting opposite looked very cute. After eating a bag of chips, the girl said, \”Mom, I want to go on the slide.\” Her mother readily agreed. The girl went in to play for less than ten minutes before she came out crying. As she cried, she said: \”Mom, that brother is always ahead of me. As soon as I get up, he slides down before me. Every time I You can’t play!” Mom had been looking at her phone. At this time, I saw the child crying very sadly, and then I heard that it was because someone else had preempted him. He said very loudly: \”Why are you crying? What\’s the point of crying? You don\’t know how to tell your brother, but you just let others rob you so stupidly again and again. You are stupid, who can you blame!\” The child! This time she cried harder and louder. My mother got annoyed: \”Can you not cry when you encounter something? Why don\’t you cry?\”I\’m coming out, stop playing, go home now! \”, and then forcibly pulled the child over from the side of the slide. As he walked, he heard his mother saying: \”You are so cruel at home, and you are so timid when you come out. What is there to be afraid of? They are also children. You Don\’t cry when you encounter problems. Crying will only make other children think you are easy to bully! \”I don\’t know if the child calmed down later. I really feel that besides raising her voice, saying some truths, and even ridiculing the child, this mother did not feel the child\’s feelings or actively listen to the child\’s words. In fact, the mother only needs to speak : \”I heard what you said clearly, and now you feel very unhappy. I guess you hope that everyone can line up and take turns to play one by one, right? The child will definitely say calmly: \”Yes, I think grabbing it like this will make it difficult for other children to play and make it easier for them to fall.\” \”When parents are willing to actively listen, children will be more willing to express. If a child is either ignored or criticized when saying something, the child will become less and less willing to say anything to the parent. 03 Feeling that the child is not worried One day, a mother and her son came to the store. As soon as they entered the door, the child went straight to the teapot in the hall. Then he kept pressing on the panel that boiled water, turning it off and on. Before he could understand it, his eyes were confused. When I saw the glass pot, I quickly took it out, opened the lid, and asked my mother while playing: \”Can I pour the water from the cooking pot into the glass pot? I want to!\” \”My mother scolded me sternly at this time: \”Why are you so disobedient? Don\’t touch these, for fear of breaking them. Go and play, don\’t mess around here! \”The child did not continue, but he walked to the counter again, reached for the goods on the counter, and asked very curiously what this was, what that was!. The mother said again: \”I told you not to move. Why are you going there again? You can\’t worry about it all day long! It\’s so annoying! See if I will take you with me next time I go out! \”From the mother\’s tone and language, we can feel that the mother is extremely bored with the child\’s questions and behaviors, and regards these behaviors as the child being too disobedient, saying that the child has ADHD and feels too It’s not easy to worry about anymore. It makes me very angry when I say it. But in fact, it may be because of this long-term thinking that makes the child feel that he is not taken seriously. Therefore, he keeps looking for trouble in order to attract the mother’s attention. So , if the mother listens to the child very attentively and actively, answers every question of the child sincerely, and guides the child to behave positively. The child will not love to \”make trouble\” so much. 05 After listening, she will have to help the child solve many problems. Sometimes, when children talk to their parents about something, they actually just chat, complain, and talk about what they saw and what happened around them. There is no other meaning. But parents are always rigid. Children When I say something, I either educate the child, comfort him, or help him find a solution. I always feel that when the child says it, he must want adults to help him with something. Sometimes, children say that there are some minor conflicts between classmates. Which classmate lent him 50 yuan, which teacher got him up at class time to answer questions, etc.. Parents love to speculate on these matters, and they also love to make decisions for their children and make some solutions: \”How could they treat you like that? It\’s okay. I\’ll call the teacher tomorrow and ask him to change your deskmate; Which classmate borrowed it? If you ask for his parent\’s phone number, I\’ll go back and ask you what\’s going on. Did you not pay attention in class? If you don\’t pay attention in class next time, I\’ll go find him. Teacher, put you in the first row.\” Such feedback will make children feel particularly frightened. As the saying goes in rural areas: \”When you hear the wind, it\’s rain!\” How dare children tell their parents about school affairs like this? Parents must take these steps when their children say something: 1. Thank the children for trusting us and telling us about the school in such detail; 2. Ask the children if they are just sharing, or do they need their parents to do something? ; 3. If it is determined that the child is just sharing, then we will simply listen and be happy, and do not start talking about the principles of life again; 4. If the child wants help, then we will express our understanding and feedback what we understand after hearing Emotions and needs, and identifying the needs of the child. Then ask heuristic questions, first listen to the children’s own ideas, and then express our ideas for the children to participate, but the decision-making power lies with the children; 5. Encourage and recognize the children’s wisdom, courage, execution ability, etc.! 06 I felt like I couldn’t help my children. When the children came back, they said: “The National Day is coming soon, and there may be a party in the school. The teacher asked our class to arrange a program. Everyone hopes that I will be the organizer of this program. Do you think I should be the organizer? Isn’t it appropriate?” At this time, there is a type of parent who will definitely say something like this: “This is your school’s arrangement. I don’t know, so don’t ask me. If you want to be the one, just don’t do it. If you don’t want to be, just don’t. Isn’t that simple?” By the way, I bought you a pair of pants today. Go try it on quickly and see if it fits. If it doesn’t fit, I will return it tomorrow.” When the child returned to the room, he was still in a very irritable mood because the program schedule was very delayed. He is afraid that time will affect his study; he does not agree to be an organizer and be responsible for the class program, and the teacher will say that he does not have a collectivist spirit. What should he do? The child was so upset all night that he couldn\’t rest at ease. This is how he looks at things. Because this parent feels that he cannot help his child with this problem. So, just don\’t let the child talk anymore, he doesn\’t want to listen anymore. When we encounter a problem that a child cannot solve on his own, when asking adults for their thoughts, we should listen to the child very carefully and attentively, sympathize with the child\’s feelings, and understand the child\’s needs. We can express our apology to our children when we are unable to help. Then you can listen to your children\’s ideas and discuss together whether there are any feasible solutions. Five Steps to Active Listening Step One: Emotional Preparation We must realize that the things our children tell us are a form of trust that our children have in us; no matter what the outcome of this matter is, this is an opportunity for our children to grow; at the same time, I must also We believe that children will have their own unique insights and that they have the ability to find solutions to problems; finally, we must understand that through such an interaction and communication process, we can communicate with our childrenOpportunities to increase feelings and establish a harmonious parent-child relationship. Step 2: Empathize with your children. Some parents will ask what empathy is. In our popular understanding, it means understanding your children, loving them with your love, hating your hatred, being aggrieved by your grievances, being happy with your happiness, and being angry with your anger. How to empathize with children? It means listening to the child very attentively and attentively, and giving feedback on the child\’s emotions. Through the child\’s voice volume, tone, body movements, facial expressions, etc., we can understand the child\’s emotions and discover the child\’s true inner needs. When a child has negative emotions, do not interrupt the child\’s emotions. Don\’t say that these negative things shouldn\’t happen, but let the children feel that negative emotions are also emotions and are normal expressions. For example, children should be allowed to cry. Step 3: Be the door opener. We can empathize and feedback the child\’s emotions, and after finding the child\’s inner needs, guide the child to express more. We can say something like this: \”Are you willing to tell me? Can you tell me more about the situation?\” ?\” Step 4: Positive feedback. How to give positive feedback can use a language mode: I guess, I guess: What you felt at that time was…, your need was… Step 5: Understand what solutions the child has. We can ask: What did you do at that time? What processing has been done, and what processing do you want to do now? Apart from these, do you have any other ways to deal with it? Remember: Don’t rush to be a teacher and make random ideas. Step 6: Ask what support your child needs? You can ask your child, what do you need us to do now and what support do you need? Remember: Don’t be too proactive and don’t pay too much. Step 7: Ask your children what they have gained? What did you think of during this incident? What inspirations did you get? What should you do if you encounter similar incidents in the future? Step 8: Thank you and encourage me. My mother is very happy today. Sharing this with you makes me very happy. I have learned a lot from your sharing today. I hope that in the future, you can share with me more interesting things that you think are important, okay? By listening and communicating in this way, we can definitely become good friends with our children and guide their growth well. Children are willing to speak and listen to us. At the same time, we ourselves can get along better with our children in this process, and we can also gain our own growth from these things.