Why are children unwilling to speak their true feelings to their parents?

Your \”concern\” hurts your child. Every time when parents say that their children are reluctant to speak their minds, there are a lot of complaints and dissatisfaction. For example, if a child comes home from school listless, parents want to know the reason, but the child just doesn’t want to tell them. Think about it, everything you do is for the sake of your children. Why is it that your children are not even willing to express your true feelings to you? Many parents pick up their children from school and ask: \”How was it at school today?\” \”Was it good or bad? Did the teacher criticize you?\” \”There must have been some naughty things in school again today!\”… always At the beginning of the question, on the surface it seems to be \”concerning\” the child, but in fact it is more like \”questioning and doubting\”. When your child wants to share something with you, but you say, \”I\’m busy, I\’ll talk to you later.\” When your child wants to express his or her thoughts, you always say, \”You\’re talking back again.\” When your child happily shares something with you, you are not listening at all. We are accustomed to vetoing our children\’s ideas and solutions, always overly damaging their children\’s self-confidence, and always ignoring their children\’s desire to share. We have hurt our children whether in words or actions, but we have not noticed it ourselves. Ineffective communication with children We often hear the communication between parents and children is like this: \”If you don\’t put the toys back into the toy box, I will sweep them all into the trash can.\” \”If your grades are so bad, don\’t spend time playing games.\” I\’ve thought about it.\” \”Please don\’t bother me, I\’m almost to death from you guys.\” \”What\’s the use of watching anime all the time? You might as well read books and study if you have this time.\” \”Mom won\’t let you go without eating for a while and you\’ll be hungry. It\’s none of your business.\” \”…\” This way of talking, intentionally or unintentionally, tells the child that you have already thought of a solution for him. You command him, control him, intimidate him, and make him obey you completely. Making children feel that their parents do not take into account their needs hurts their self-esteem, causing them to arm themselves and resist their parents. Parents who are used to yelling at their children, blaming them without understanding, and giving orders without communicating, all feel that they have paid too much for the family and their children must be obedient. The reason why children are unwilling to talk to us is because we are engaging in ineffective communication and the dialogue relationship between us and our children is unbalanced. Get into the child\’s heart. The reason why children don\’t want to tell their parents what\’s on their mind is because you haven\’t gotten into the child\’s heart. How do parents communicate with their children? The most acceptable way of education for children. A parent from Mobi came to consult: My son is 10 years old this year. I don’t know why the older he gets, the less he gets close to him. He refuses to tell me anything. How should I get into the child’s heart and let him know? He is willing to share with me, so that he is willing to tell me what is in his heart? 1. Listen carefully to children. When communicating with children, parents should show enthusiasm and interest, talk happily to their children, listen carefully to their children\’s words, and correctly understand their children\’s thoughts and feelings. When a child is speaking, parents should not interrupt him or criticize him, but should be able to understand the content of his speech from the child\’s perspective, so that the child feels that he is understood, valued and accepted… Never let the child know that he is understood, valued and accepted… I feel uncomfortable when communicating with youOnly in this way can children open their hearts to their parents. 2. Communicate thoughts with children frequently. Parents and children should have more ideological exchanges to understand their children’s true thoughts and inner world. Observe your child in his daily words and deeds, and understand his emotions. Treat your children as your friends and make them willing to talk to you. 3. Create a listening atmosphere, be a loyal listener to the child, and listen to the child\’s speech kindly. When the child encounters difficulties or setbacks, parents stay with the child affectionately, touch him gently or hold him in his arms, and listen to what he has to say. Over time, children will open up to their parents and take the initiative to tell them their concerns. Always take the initiative to talk to your children, get close to them, communicate with them more, understand their inner world, solve their troubles, and let your children take the initiative to open the door to your inner world for you. Communicate effectively with children. It is actually very simple to let children speak their true feelings to themselves. Go into the child\’s heart and communicate effectively. Treat the child as an independent individual from the bottom of your heart, answer every question the child has, and discuss every family decision with the child. We must pay attention to every sharing by children in daily life and stimulate children\’s desire to express. We can ask more open-ended questions to our children instead of just paying attention to their children\’s grades all day long. We need to change our perspective, no longer as authoritative parents, but as good friends to our children. When children encounter problems, try not to blame them, try to be friends with them, and do not look at the problem with an accusatory attitude. For example, what should I do if my child makes friends with some children who have poor academic performance outside? Many parents say to their children, \”Don\’t interact with him in the future. This child will be bad at first glance.\” This is an accusatory language, and your words have already made the decision for the child. But there must be a reason why children associate with them. Children will not sever ties with their friends because of your words. They will still play together, but they will no longer tell you about their lives, and they will not introduce you to their friends. . So how would a smart parent handle such a situation? \”I see that you have a good relationship with so-and-so recently. Why are you two so good?\” Guide the children to share some stories between them with you. The child will say that he helped him with something once, and he feels that he is a very generous person. At this time, parents can follow their children\’s words and raise their concerns, \”I think his grades are not very good and he doesn\’t work hard enough. This is not good.\” Of course, children also know their friends\’ shortcomings, so they also I would speak for him or reassure my parents that I would not be affected. Parents who are friends with their children will guide their children to speak their minds and express their concerns, but they will also believe in their children\’s ability to deal with things. As parents, we all hope that our children can talk to us about everything, so get into the child\’s heart, treat the child as a friend, and let the child open up to you!