Why are your children alienating you more and more?

My cousin\’s child is in his first year of college. After he goes to college, except for living expenses, he has almost no contact with his parents. This made my cousin and brother-in-law feel very sad. The child had been well-behaved and sensible since childhood, and his academic performance was also very good. I don’t know since when, children and parents have become more and more separated. Many people say that their relationship with their parents is average. After going to college, they finally ran away from home. After work, they never want to go home except during the Spring Festival. They don’t want to call their mothers on weekdays because they have nothing to say. Maybe this It is the shadow left by the growth stage. In fact, there are reasons why the relationship between children and parents weakens. The key lies in these three stages. Stage 1: In childhood, lack of parental companionship. My cousin likes to play mahjong very much and rarely spends time with her children. Were the old people always here to help take care of the baby when he was young? She went to work during the day and went out to play mahjong after dinner in the evening. She did not accompany the baby at all. The baby often kept company with cartoons and toy cars. This age is an important period for establishing intimate relationships. A child\’s sense of security comes from his parents\’ love and careful care. Babies are actually extremely sensitive inside, and their mother is their entire world. The cousin did not give the child enough companionship and attention. No matter how hard she tried in the future, it would be difficult for her to establish a close relationship with the baby. At the moment when the child spreads his arms and pounces on his parents, the parents do not give the child a warm hug, letting the child feel that the parents are always here. Many children are brought up by their grandparents, and their parents have to work outside the country to make a living. Although when they grow up, the children also understand that their parents have their own difficulties and it is not easy to work hard in other places for many years. But I can\’t see my parents for a long time. I can only reunite with my parents during the Spring Festival every year, so it\’s difficult to have intimate actions. Top 10 Bestseller List Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills e-book When you see other people\’s children chattering around their parents, and you encounter difficulties, the people who lend a helping hand to you may be teachers and classmates, and the people who tell you are also Just grandparents. During childhood, parents\’ companionship with their children will be deeply engraved in the child\’s mind, and as time goes by, it will become the deepest sense of trust and intimacy. Many children gradually become alienated from this family relationship because their parents are not around. Writer Chi Li said: From the past to the present, children are the same, but parents have changed a lot. Many parents only want to spend money on their children, but do not want to spend time, energy and thought. Parents feel that they work hard to make money to give their children a better future, but when the baby\’s emotional needs are the strongest in childhood, no one can replace the position of mother and father. During childhood, only by giving your baby more companionship and care can you build a strong attachment relationship with your baby, give your baby a sense of security, and have the ability to perceive happiness. No matter how busy parents are at work, they should take some time to interact with their children every day and play with them, so that their children can truly feel their parents\’ love. If parents cannot stay with their children while away from home, they should make more phone calls or video chat with their children. Knowing the child\’s recent situation and inner thoughts allows the child to feel that his parents love him. Stage 2: AccompanyFor children to successfully pass through primary school, they need their parents’ understanding and support. After children enter elementary school, they slowly develop their own sense of independence and want to make their own decisions on many things. However, parents always feel that their children are still young and do not have the ability to face problems independently, so they should give their children appropriate space and freedom. Parents always tell their children that you can\’t do such things or go to places like that, for fear that the children will learn bad things. It is easy to make a fuss about many things, and even put some labels on the children, which will make the children gradually hate their parents. At this age, parental support is very important. Children seem to obey their parents\’ words and words, but they are rebelling inside. They began to stay alone in their rooms on the pretext of studying. The baby who used to walk hand in hand with his parents has now turned away from others. Parents must obtain their children\’s understanding in advance when making decisions, and they cannot make decisions for their children in a commanding tone. The result of this can only be that the child will reject the parent and the parent-child relationship will become more rigid. Stage 3: Respect adolescent children. The Mai family once described it this way: Accompanying their adolescent son is like accompanying a tiger, and he must be cautious at all times. It is true that children in adolescence begin to be rebellious and will slam the door in anger at every turn. This is also the stage when the relationship with their parents is the most tense. The child hates her mother\’s nagging, and her parents always interfere in everything the child does. When children enter adolescence, parents must learn to withdraw slowly. Slowly separate yourself from your baby\’s life and study. Professor Li Meijin said that parents should learn to shut up at this stage. Parents always place too many high hopes on their children. They hope that their children will complete the regrets that they have not completed, and they also hope that they will not repeat the same mistakes and take fewer detours. Careful parents will find that their children like to socialize with peers of the same age, talk to friends when they have concerns, close the door to their parents, and are even colder than strangers. At this time, parents need to reflect on what they did wrong and give their children respect and appropriate freedom. Parents will eventually let go slowly. Psychologist Adler said that the true essence of maternal love lies in caring about the growth of the child, which also means caring about the distance between the mother and the child. Adolescent children are eager to step out from under the protective umbrella of their parents. During the adolescence stage of their children, parents should play the role of good teachers, provide appropriate guidance and help to their children, and establish a certain sense of boundaries. Encourage children both physically and psychologically. If parents want to establish a close relationship with their children, they should give them more love and companionship during childhood, provide understanding and support during adolescence, and moderately let go during adolescence. I hope that all parents in the world can be close friends with their children.