Why can’t I always control my temper and yell at my children?

The wind is roaring, the baby is crying, the old mother is roaring… Will there often be dramas in your house? We always say that children are like little bombs that can explode on the spot with just a tap. So why not the old mother? Work pressure, marital relations, real-life anxiety, and childhood experiences will all cause the old mother to have intense emotions, and she is used to yelling to solve problems: not sleeping – yell at him; not eating – yelling at him; dawdling – yelling at him; Playing tricks – yelling at him; yelling at him, yelling at him, yelling at him… Have you ever felt that your old mother is a time bomb, and it\’s the kind that will explode at a moment\’s notice! But after yelling, I regretted and blamed myself so much when I saw his pitiful look: \”She is still a child, why didn\’t she just say something nice and have to yell at him!\” \”I vowed to be a good mother and I will stop yelling.\” But the \”tragedy\” will still go on as scheduled. When yelling becomes a daily routine, children will definitely not be as afraid of you as they were at the beginning. No matter how loud you yell, they will just turn a deaf ear, and you can only continue to increase the level of upgrading! In this way, you are trapped in a vicious cycle of yelling – self-blame – yelling – self-blame… Does your child really need you to scold him like this? A mother shared in her circle of friends, \”I just yelled at my child, and I really regret it. I feel sorry that my son became a victim of my emotional instability.\” This aroused everyone\’s sympathy. How many children are silently acting as a punching bag for their parents. To be honest, does your child really need you to scold him like this? In fact, many times your anxiety is more terrifying than your child\’s problem itself. For example, a child who has just learned to speak has unclear speech and stutters when anxious. I think this happens to a lot of parents. Sometimes when my son is in a hurry to tell me something, he will be too anxious to speak clearly. I will listen, tell him to take his time, and allow him to say a sentence several times. Slowly, he stopped speaking in knots and his expression became more and more fluent. Some parents are very anxious when they see that their children cannot speak clearly. What should they do if their children study in the future? Will it turn into a stammer? what to do? After being controlled by anxiety, parents will pay strict and urgent attention to this issue. They may teach patiently the first time, but remain the same the second time. He immediately scolded her, causing the child to stutter more and more. Recommended must-read parenting books for parents: Meet Your Children, Meet Your Better Self pdf. A non-serious problem in itself becomes a real problem due to the influence of parents’ anxiety. Do you know how your child feels when you yell at them? We often only care about our own feelings and ignore the feelings of our children. This is a shortcoming of many parents and teachers. In the name of love and parental authority, parents expect their children to obey their instructions. Once the child has his own ideas and insists on it stubbornly or makes a small mistake, threaten and yell. Education with emotions is the most useless education. Because when you yell, the child\’s heart is closed, because the psychological protection mechanism allows the child to protect itself. Some children will cover their ears with their hands to avoid it, and some cry to protect themselves. Because your yelling causes too much damage. Children who are hurt by their parents’ yelling feel full of heartFearful, and even trembling, they rely on imaginary wanderings to escape the frightening real world. If a parent hurts me once or twice, the child will repair the wound, because as long as he changes, he will still be a good parent, but there will still be scars all over his body! If over time, yelling becomes a parenting habit, then parents will have to consider the psychological harm to their children. Don\’t think that children are young and ignorant. In fact, they understand everything. Children have a soft heart. They make mistakes when they are little. But growth is a process of making mistakes and correcting them, from being rebellious to being sensible. Children are always willing to forgive the mistakes of \”violent parents\” and know that their parents are in a bad mood, not that they don\’t love me. Children are always kind and understand their parents from their perspective, but can we also control our tempers? On the road to becoming a parent, I wonder if there are any parents who can never yell once? Because I myself have lost my temper with my children, and I regretted it very much when I saw how frightened the children were. So I thought I must control my emotions. It is true that children\’s growth is a spiritual practice for parents. Why do children become more disobedient when they yell? 1. Over-the-limit effect There is an interesting phenomenon in psychology called the \”over-the-limit effect\”: when a person receives too much stimulation, too strong, and for too long, impatience and rebellious emotions will arise in his heart. To sum it up with a common saying, it is: If you enter an abalone shop, you will not smell the smell for a long time. When we reprimand the child loudly for the first time, the child is really scared and will behave very honestly and obediently. However, after being reprimanded loudly enough times, the child will become accustomed to these high-intensity \”stimulations\”. It may seem that he is listening to you yelling, but in fact, his attention has already wandered elsewhere and he doesn\’t care about what you are yelling at. As time goes by, the child realizes that you can do nothing to him other than yelling, so he becomes bold and dares to talk back to you. 2. The brain’s escape mechanism: When a person feels strong fear or feels threatened, the brain will activate the emergency escape mechanism, tense up mentally, and always be prepared to escape disaster. This is human nature, and children are certainly no exception. Interestingly, when we scold a child loudly, this escape mechanism in the child\’s brain is often triggered. Although the parents are educating their children loudly, all the children can think about is: \”Stop scolding, stop scolding! When will it end?\” Finally, after scolding, the parents asked: \”Will it still be like this in the future?\” The child immediately behaved very badly. Honestly, the child replied: \”No more!\” In fact, the child didn\’t know what to do in the future. He only knew that the parent\’s violent scolding was finally over, and he could breathe a sigh of relief. How to manage children without yelling or yelling? 1. The requirements for children are simple and simple. Why are the children who have pricked their heads so obedient when they are in the army? Because the army instructor\’s instructions are clear and decisive and never sloppy. The more lengthy and cumbersome an instruction is, the less effective it is in executing it. Many parents complain about their children\’s procrastination in doing things, but have we ever thought about it, aren\’t our demands just nagging? Also let the children pack their schoolbags by themselves. One way to ask is: I have told you several times, don’t throw away your books! What does a little girl look like when she looks slovenly all day long?How embarrassing! Don’t you know you can make your own things yourself? You have to learn to be independent from an early age! Another way to ask is: after dinner, I will give you 5 minutes to pack your schoolbag, and I will watch you do it~ Which method do you think is more effective? 2. When criticizing children, we should talk about the situation. When we loudly reprimand the children, we will become very emotional, so we often use the children\’s mistakes to make long remarks, and even dig out the children\’s old scores. The same way to criticize children for watching TV before finishing their homework is: You watch, you watch, you have no memory! It wasn\’t you I was talking about last time, was it? I don’t know how bad my grades are this time, right? No sense of shame, right? My child, you need to have some self-control in order to be successful! Another way is: in 5 minutes, I want to see you sitting at the desk doing homework! Otherwise I won’t be able to watch TV this week. Compare, which method is more effective? 3. When making a mistake, give the child a guiding choice. When reprimanding the child, the most common thing we say is: \”Tell yourself, where did you go wrong? … No, think again, where did you go wrong?\” What parents think It is a good idea to try to guide children to discover problems by themselves. But the problem is that due to limited life experience, most children have no idea that they have made a mistake! An insignificant thing in the eyes of a child actually made the parents so angry, and the child was also confused! Therefore, the best way is to give your child the right choice in a firm tone. For example, if you still watch TV without doing your homework, you might as well tell your child: It is wrong to watch TV without finishing your homework. Now I give you two choices. One is to sit down at the desk and do your homework in 5 minutes. From now on, every day You can still watch TV for one hour; secondly, you can watch TV casually today, but you are not allowed to touch TV for the next week. Choose yourself! 4. The most important thing: parents must learn to calm down their emotions and put down their posture. When we yell at our children, it exactly exposes our own shortcomings: First, we cannot come up with better solutions to the mistakes our children make; We can only rely on ourselves as adults to force children to admit mistakes; secondly, our emotional control ability is very poor, and a child can make us furious. Emotions are an influence from the inside out and are highly contagious. If parents often get angry, children will gradually become impatient, full of resistance and rebelliousness towards their parents, and disrespectful towards their peers. Too friendly. Therefore, parents’ emotional stability is very important to their children. In addition, only when parents control their own emotions can they have the patience to listen to their children\’s explanations after they make mistakes, and can they have enough sense to enlighten their children. Whether we like it or not, raising children is a process of slow work and careful work. The more hasty it is, the less effective it will be. Many times, when we relax and have a simple and firm attitude, many things become clearer!