Why can’t you be a good parent despite being well versed in all kinds of parenting knowledge?

One day I joked with a friend: When we were young, all parenting problems were children\’s problems. Now it\’s our turn to take care of our children, and all parenting issues have become parents\’ issues again. One sentence cannot conceal the various feelings. We, a generation who grew up under the sticks and authority of our parents, now have to raise the next generation with love and freedom. We often don’t know how to exert our efforts. Fortunately, we all love to learn. The new generation of parents. With the widespread popularity of self-media, everyone can learn various parenting knowledge and experiences from various channels. However, maybe one day you will be frustrated to discover why you are well versed in all kinds of parenting knowledge, but you still can\’t be a good parent? 1. Insurmountable anxiety and inability to accept imperfect results. Anxiety is an emotion that all parents will have in the process of educating their children. Parents who strive to practice various parenting experiences are actually more likely to feel anxious. I also had anxiety some time ago, and even stopped participating in various parenting exchange groups for a while. This semester my child has entered primary school. Before my child enters primary school, I firmly believe that children should not be allowed to skip school courses in advance. I also firmly believe that it is more meaningful for children to read and explore than to write papers. My father and I made a vow that we would accept that our child would be weaker than other children who jumped ahead in the beginning. However, when a child gets bad test scores from school, I actually don’t care. Especially when the child comes home and tells me that the teacher twisted his ears because of his bad test scores, I feel very sad in my heart. Quite a struggle as well. I had my moments of wavering, but I always firmly believed that there was nothing wrong with my parenting methods and I did not let my anxiety spread to my children. Therefore, on the one hand, I comforted the child, on the other hand, I guided him to become familiar with the exam and the questions, and constantly warned myself: My child does not have bad grades! He just didn\’t spend time doing practice questions before. He needed time to adapt to various question types and understand the meaning of the questions. No matter what, he is my best baby! I believe he can do it! Fortunately, after a period of guidance, the child gradually adapted to the school examination. Yes, that\’s true. The theory you firmly believe in and try your best to practice will inevitably be different from the actual situation; the children you claim to have raised with the correct parenting methods will also be rebellious and unreasonable at times; the children you raised based on your parenting experience will not They will definitely not go against you; your child, who you are proud of and is well-read, may not stumble in school test scores. Yes, it is really impossible for our children to develop in the direction we expect, and all results will not be the good results we expected. So, please relax and trust our children! What you need is to overcome the anxiety in your heart and give your child time to grow! 2. You have not accepted the different temperaments of each child. The theory you have learned cannot completely copy. Every child has a different temperament. Some are sensitive and introverted, some are enthusiastic and active, some are quiet and steady, and some are timid and introverted. Moreover, every child has a different family of origin and a different upbringing environment, so no one theory is universal.It is universally applicable. When I watched \”Mom is Superman\” this summer, there was a scene that left a deep impression on me. Mei Ting believed that her child had too many parenting problems, so she invited a parenting expert to give guidance at home. The parenting expert believed that the biggest problem for her children was that adults did not give them clear rules to rely on and follow! Therefore, the top priority is to establish rules with your children and let them follow them. So, there are rules for playing and eating. The final result was that because I was about to eat an apple before dinner but was refused, I cried a lot and went to bed without eating dinner. Later, Feng Yuanzheng visited his home as a guest. Feng Yuanzheng, who had no children, played with Kuai Kuai and slowly established some rules with his children while playing. The theory of parenting experts is not wrong, but if a child suddenly has so many cold rules that are completely different from her original behavior in the parenting environment she is accustomed to, and they are required to implement them, she will actually feel guilty in her heart. It is resistance, panic, and loss of security. Even if you are an adult, suddenly there are many more rules, which are difficult to accept and full of rejection. Feng Yuanzheng, who had no parenting experience, used the easiest way to let his children gradually become familiar with the rules. The children were naturally happy and willing to accept it. Each child has a different temperament and a different upbringing environment. No parenting theory you have learned can fully adapt to all children. Therefore, in the process of disciplining their children, all parents must carefully explore ways to make their children accept it, so that their children can gradually adapt and accept it in a pleasant parent-child relationship. 3. Too obsessed with various learned theories and ignoring the intuition of parents. Many parents have read a lot of parenting books and believe that they should completely adhere to the \”correct\” concepts, but they often end up with the same problem because of their persistence in adhering to the theory. Family disputes have a negative impact. My friend CC is a mother who uses scientific theories to raise her children, and strives to make everything about her children\’s food, clothing, housing and transportation scientific and reasonable. But the reality is that she needs the child\’s grandmother to help take care of the child, and the child\’s grandmother\’s \”outdated\” parenting experience is incompatible with her scientific theories in many ways, so the two always work on the child\’s food and clothing. Continuous disputes over matters such as housing and transportation often escalate into family conflicts. It was originally a good intention to let the children live in a good nurturing environment, but in fact, conflicts in the family and tensions breaking out at any time have become the most unstable nurturing environment for children. We now have access to a variety of parenting theories, each of which has its own contradictions. Some theories advocate \”free parenting and raising children with full trust and love\”, while other theories emphasize \”clear rules and let children know from an early age that they need to abide by social rules.\” There are different opinions on the matter of responding to children\’s needs. Some believe that gratification should be delayed so that children can learn to be independent from an early age; some believe that positive responses should be made to allow children to build a sense of security. . . . . . Can you imagine a sensitive and introverted child being forcefully rejected by you for emotional needs and claiming that your parents are exercising your independence?Inside, I was actually panicked and helpless. Don’t overdo any theory. Sometimes you have to trust your intuition as a parent, use your intuition as a parent to feel your child’s emotions, and use your empathy to perceive your child’s thoughts, so that your child can have a pleasant parent-child relationship and family-based relationships. The sense of security is the most important thing. 4. No one can compile a universal instruction manual for your child, you need to explore it yourself. After becoming a parent, I discovered that there is really no profession in the world that is more difficult than being a parent. Your research subjects will always be individuals who are connected by blood with you but are completely different from you. They have their own thoughts and ideas. Due to their own personality, they are attached to you, but they often \”reject\” your discipline on them. Our baby has been a baby with high needs since he was a child. As long as I am at home, I am often asked to accompany him to do various things and solve his various problems. I always respond enthusiastically to his various needs and emotions. Later, a friend of mine really couldn\’t stand my \”child slave\” nature and gave me a book. The book talked about how to delay enjoyment and how to cultivate children\’s independence. She said bitterly: \”You need to learn how to teach your children to delay gratification! The book says you should not respond to your children\’s needs so quickly.\” I told her: \”But I think establishing a pleasant parent-child relationship with your children will help you. It is more important to let the child gain a sense of security!\” Our child is not a piece of equipment. It does not come with its own instructions, and there is no parenting expert in the world who can write an instruction manual for your child. This requires parents to constantly explore and observe carefully, to acquire and modify their own methods of getting along with their children step by step. Raising children cannot be accomplished overnight, nor can they dogmatically copy various theories. Real parenting requires a lifetime of effort. Observe and spend time with him attentively!