\”Why cry? What\’s the use of crying?\”

Recently, Rooney\’s allergic rhinitis became more and more serious, and his nose was runny all day long. I couldn\’t stand it anymore, so I took him to see a doctor. Along the way, Rooney said worriedly: \”Mom, I don\’t want an injection.\” \”Listen to the doctor.\” I was noncommittal. After arriving at the hospital, the doctor examined Rooney\’s nasal cavity and suggested drawing blood to test for allergens. When he heard that blood was going to be drawn, Rooney immediately became nervous: \”I don\’t want an injection!\” There was a cry in his voice. The doctor gently advised him: \”You see your rhinitis is so serious, don\’t you feel uncomfortable? If you want to get better quickly, you need to take a blood test. You are a good boy, don\’t cry!\” But Rooney finally couldn\’t help it. I started crying. I was afraid that it would affect the doctor\’s work, so I quickly pulled him out of the consulting room. After paying the fee and arriving at the blood drawing room, Rooney was still crying out not to get the injection. The nurse looked at me worriedly: \”Can it be done?\” \”No problem.\” I picked up Rooney and sat on my lap, sitting on his He whispered in his ear: \”Baby, the injection is a bit painful. I know you are afraid of pain. If you want to cry, just cry. Mom will hold you.\” Rooney cooperated and finished drawing the blood, but he was still sobbing. I held the needle for him, held him and sat in the waiting hall, waiting patiently for him to finish crying. After a while, he finally stopped crying. Seeing that he calmed down, I asked softly: \”Does it still hurt?\” \”Actually, it doesn\’t hurt a long time ago. I just wanted to test whether mom loves me, haha!\” \”Then what conclusion did you draw?\” I He also laughed. \”The conclusion is – Mom loves me very much!\” We looked at each other and smiled. I was glad I didn\’t stop him from crying violently. Crying is the most common emotional expression of children, but many people cannot accept children\’s crying. Some mothers say that when they hear their children cry, they make me irritable and want to slap them. Why can\’t we accept it? Because this is how we were treated by our parents when we were children. \”Why are you crying? If you cry again I will beat you!\” \”What\’s the use of crying?\” \”Look at other children, who loves to cry as much as you!\” Especially for boys, who are prone to crying. Being labeled cowardly, cowardly, and useless. Therefore, we all think that crying is a bad emotion, wrong and useless. When faced with children crying, taking blood draws and injections as an example, parents usually have the following reactions: 1. Deny the feeling, \”Does it hurt that much? Why cry?\” This is the first reaction of many parents. For the child, the pain is real and the fear is real, but you completely deny the child\’s feelings. Hearing such words, the child feels even more uncomfortable. Think about it, you have been scolded by your boss after a busy day at work, and you feel very depressed. When you get home and talk to your husband, he says: \”What\’s the matter? It\’s inevitable that you will be scolded by your boss at work. Be more open-minded and stop being depressed!\” \”How do you feel at this time? 2. The doctor who treated Rooney with reason had a very good attitude and was very patient with children, but what she said had no effect on Rooney. \”You see your rhinitis is so serious, don\’t you feel uncomfortable? If you want to get better quickly, you need to take a blood test.\” In fact, he understood this truth, but he already had resistance at the time, and a person in an emotional state You can\’t listen to any reason. Especially children, who control rationalityThe cerebral cortex is not yet mature, so if you reason with him, you are talking to an ox. 3. Diversion of attention When Rooney was one or two years old, every time he got an injection, I would point to other places to divert his attention, for example: \”Baby, look over there, there is a little rabbit on that cup…\” \”This trick worked very well, and he was able to stop crying immediately. But when he gets older, this trick won\’t work, because this approach is actually denying his feelings in disguise and not letting his emotions vent. 4. Hitting or scolding or ignoring them After the previous methods failed to work, many parents themselves began to lose control of their emotions, so they loudly reprimanded or even beat and scolded their children. Some parents could still control themselves, but they were powerless and ignored them. This approach makes children more fearful and helpless. Sometimes, these methods seem to work, especially the method of beating and scolding, which may immediately stop the child from crying, but they have one thing in common, that is, they ignore the child\’s feelings. The consequence of this is that on the surface, the child is being honest, but his unpleasant emotions and feelings are accumulating in his body bit by bit, waiting to burst out one day. In fact, there are no good or bad emotions. As long as they are emotions, they are normal. There are only positive and negative emotions. Crying is a strong expression of negative emotions. Crying is not a bad thing. Let children cry when they want, laugh when they want, and fully experience various emotions. It is very necessary for the development of children\’s emotional intelligence. Teacher Xiao Wu said that from the perspective of children\’s psychological development, the more they experience their own emotions, the more mature their mental development will be. Every experience of strong emotions is a valuable experience. If we deny the child\’s feelings and do not allow him to experience or express emotions, the child\’s spirit will be very split and helpless: I obviously feel very uncomfortable and sad, but my favorite mother says that I shouldn\’t be like this, shouldn\’t I? Are your feelings really wrong? what do I do? Gradually, children will become less and less convinced of their own feelings and will not accept their negative emotions. But everyone has emotions, emotions, and emotions. When negative emotions inevitably come, children will feel nervous, guilty, and at a loss. At this time, he either suppresses crying or bursts into tears. Are you still wondering why this child suddenly becomes so unreasonable? As everyone knows, it is precisely those negative emotions such as grievances, anger, fear, and frustration that have not been dealt with well before, and the suppressed emotions will burst out. If we allow our children to fully experience their emotions, accept and recognize their own feelings, then they will have more and more confidence in themselves, because they do not have to fight their own hearts, and then they will have more energy to develop their own rationality. Brain, learn to get along better with your emotions, and you will cry less and less. Therefore, crying is not useless. Crying is actually the best way to regulate emotions. When we have this understanding, we can deal with children crying more calmly. When a child cries, the best way is to hug him and tell him: Baby, I know you are sad (this can be replaced with other words to describe feelings, such as sad, angry, etc.), you can cry if you want to.I\’ll be with you.