Why do better-behaved children become more miserable when they grow up?

\”As children grow up, parents will always use \”good\” and \”sensible\” to measure the quality of a child, consciously or unconsciously.\” In school, \”Are children usually obedient?\” is one of the questions that parents are most concerned about. At home, we always say to our children, \”You have to be obedient…\” \”You have to be sensible.\” When parents meet each other and talk about their children, they will also praise each other, \”Your child is so good\”… However, children who are sensible and well-behaved are really happy? Being sensible is too hard, but there is a mother in her heart who said in a message: She hopes that her children will never need to be sensible. Because it is too hard to be sensible, and the pain is in my heart. When she was young, her family background was not bad, but her parents used positive stimulation methods to make her sensible. When something happened, they would always say: Our daughter is really sensible, be good, give your toys to her brothers, sisters, and younger brothers. When her parents take her out to play, they always encourage her to give in unconditionally and give toys or delicious food to other people\’s children – even if those children are much older than her. What impressed me most was the four children eating ice cream together, and she was the youngest. But the ice cream distribution starts with the child next to her, and the last one gets his turn. As she reached for the ice cream, the other three children squealed in unison. She said that adults think children are angels probably just because children are incapable of hurting adults. But only children can feel the full malice in the hearts of children of the same age. The three children screamed in unison, just because they were a little older than her and rejected her and refused to let her eat. The parents of three older children were unmoved. Time management methods and skills: No yelling or yelling can cure the problem of what to do if the child is procrastinating. So the father came over and said to himself: My daughter is the best, and the little brothers are not sensible, so we will not eat today. Dad will buy it for you on the way home. She said that her heart was bleeding and crying at that time, and she wanted to shout loudly to her father – what I want is not ice cream, but fairness! But she didn\’t shout. Because her father told her that shouting is a sign of ignorance. On the way home, she sat on the back seat of her father\’s bicycle and passed one ice cream stand after another. Her father did not slow down and got off the bike, but rode straight past. Her little hands tightly grasped the back of her father\’s shirt, pulling hard, pulling hard. A reminder of his father’s promise. My father finally felt it, and without looking back, he said: Nannan, be good, Nannan knows best, ice cream is not good for your health. We won\’t eat. At that moment, my heart felt like death. Sensible children dare not express their true emotions. As the saying goes: Children who cry get candy. But for sensible children, even if they want to eat sweets, they don\’t dare to cry. Just because once they cry, they are no longer good children in the eyes of their parents. As a netizen said: A naughty child can be praised by everyone as long as he does a heart-warming thing occasionally, but once a sensible child does something outrageous, he will disappoint people all over the world. Under the guidance of her father, this mother is really sensible and never makes any demands on her parents. From childhood to adulthood, the clothes she wore were old and rarely fit. When eating, only eat the vegetables closest to you, and only eat what no one else eats. In class, tooso. Her grades are very good and her eyes are short-sighted. But many parents of children hope to move their children to seats near the front. The teacher knew that she was the most sensible person in the class, so he asked her if she could be transferred to the back. Without saying a word, she packed her textbook bag and sat in the last row. From then on, I sat with those children who had no intention of studying. There was so much noise in the back row that I couldn\’t see the blackboard clearly or hear the teacher\’s lecture clearly. That\’s how the results came down. Seeing that her grades were declining, her parents and teachers used \”provoking methods\” on her, that is, using various methods to humiliate and stimulate her. But no matter how humiliated I was, my increasingly short-sighted eyes could not see the blackboard clearly. After the college entrance examination, she was only a third-year student. What\’s the point of being sensible? Only later, when she met her current lover, did she realize that she was so far away from society. But sometimes, she feels that she is very happy. She has been sensible since she was a child, and she sat in the last row because she was short-sighted. In the end, she read three books. The humiliation she faced while studying did not overwhelm her. And she also met her current husband, who takes care of her and protects her. What else is not satisfying? Until she herself had a baby. This idea completely changed. The Correct Method of Children\’s Education: Best-Selling Book Children\’s Questions Master Answers [PDF+epub] Retired parents came to see their granddaughter. She remembered that the air was particularly good that day. Her father held the baby\’s hand and walked in front. The baby\’s other hand was holding a small plastic duck. At this time, a child staggered over and looked at the toy in the baby\’s hand with envy. She saw her father squatting down and saying to the baby in a gentle voice: Be good, baby. The baby is the most sensible. You have to learn to share. Sharing is the happiest thing. Give your little duck to the children to play with! No! She said she was so shocked that she almost yelled at her father: \”Share your mother\’s size!\” You can no longer impose on the baby what you have imposed on me. Do you know the tremendous psychological pain I have felt every day and every moment for so many years? I don’t want my baby to suffer the mental pain that I can’t bear anymore. ——But in the end, she didn\’t say anything. She just stood aside and watched helplessly as the father took the baby\’s hand and handed his toys to the child opposite. The reason why she didn\’t stop her father was just because she had seen too many naughty children who lacked tutoring. Those naughty children can achieve whatever they desire by rolling around and crying. She doesn\’t want to be a naughty child. I don’t even want the child to be a bear. She asked if there was a way to prevent her baby from enduring her own suffering or growing crooked and becoming a naughty child. But what about just growing up happily? Is there such a way? Is there any? Unfit education will only bring pain. The University of Rochester in the United States once conducted such an experiment. Recruit some children of the same age and divide them into two groups of equal size. For children, conduct a simple test. Do the first round of testing first. The scores of the two groups of children were almost the same – the scores of the children in the second group were slightly higher. Then proceed to round two. Before the test, the experiment host announced: My little friends, your performance in the first round was so good and outstanding.So I reward you with candy. Wow, the kids are so excited. When the candies are brought up, they are distributed from the first group of children to the last child in the first group, and the distribution happens to be finished. The children in the second group were so shocked. They agreed to eat candies, but why didn’t they have any of their own? The experimenter smiled and said, \”Some kids didn\’t get their share. It doesn\’t matter. There will be ice cream to eat next.\” When the ice cream was served, it was still divided from the first group of children. After the first group was divided, the ice cream was gone again. The children in the second group were shocked to the point of numbness. Then the experiment leader said nonchalantly: Some children didn\’t get their share, so forget it if they didn\’t get their share. Now let\’s start the test. The results of the second round of testing showed that the scores of the children in the second group dropped sharply, and were actually less than a quarter of the scores of the children in the first group. This experiment tells us that inappropriate and unfair education methods will cause children to fall into great confusion and pain, lose trust in the world, and lose their ability to behave. This mother\’s parents mistook teasing and suppression as educational methods. For example, a father promises to buy his daughter ice cream on the way home, but then reneges on his promise. For the father, this is just a trivial matter, but he does not know that in the world of children, parents\’ promises are everything, full of expectations and betrayal. From then on, the daughter lost trust in her parents. She no longer believed in her parents, but was unable to fight against them. She could only hide and escape in great fear. Her heart had died long ago, she never made any demands on her parents, and she walked alone on the edge of loneliness. In the eyes of parents, being quiet and quiet like this is the \”sensible\” they expect. The so-called sensible thing about her parents is just one sentence: Go to hell and stop bothering me! She herself understood it this way. Therefore, I developed a cowardly and humble heart. Although my eyes were short-sighted and I couldn\’t see clearly on the blackboard, I didn\’t dare to tell the teacher. Just because she doesn\’t trust adults at all and doesn\’t dare to make her own reasonable requests. The fear of the adult world constitutes her entire cognition. She was proud of herself for not being a brat. Little did she know that she had become a frightened rabbit and rat child. A person who was suppressed by great fear and completely lost himself. What is true understanding? It is not fear, it is not cowardice, it is not shrinking and sobbing in the face of aggression. Being sensible is not about suppressing children\’s nature, nor is it about allowing children to give in to satisfy adults. To be truly sensible, children should be able to correctly interpret interpersonal rules, not feel inferior or arrogant, and be able to express their wishes clearly and simply when encountering problems. Be able to learn to negotiate with friends and communicate with adults on a regular basis – if you want your children to be sensible, at least your parents must be sensible. Parents need to understand their children\’s psychology and know that their children\’s cognitive world is very small and they are extremely dependent on their parents. The trivial things in their parents\’ eyes may be related to their children\’s mental growth throughout their lives. Sensible parents can clearly judge the environment their children face. Has the child been unfairly suppressed? Or is it just an inconsequential game? Don\’t say that children don\’t understand. In fact, children understand everything. Naughty children are best at taking advantage of adults\’ dullness and slowness, while timid children are the best at taking advantage of adults.People are full of fear. Therefore, parents must pay attention to the fairness among children, promptly restrain the evil behavior of naughty children, and relieve the fears of timid children. Only by being impartial and allowing children to grow up in a peaceful environment can they be given a peaceful growth environment. . Encourage timid children to express their desires bravely. You need to tell the naughty kid that being playful and rolling around is not an expression. Don\’t let the cries and screams of naughty children succeed, and don\’t let the fear of timid children accumulate to a level that exceeds the child\’s psychological endurance. The so-called education means making appropriate adjustments according to the different psychological states of children. Treat children as adults, listen carefully to their every word, and respect their rights and demands. In fact, many adults are not good at expressing themselves, and it is even more difficult to ask children to do this. This is why all parents should thank their children. It is their children who guide you to grow and guide you to learn courage and expression. It’s not you who guides the child. Maturity as a parent means learning to accept the immaturity and ignorance of our children, learning to care for and respect our children\’s inner feelings, and leaving the matter of dealing with emotions to ourselves. All education only allows us and our children to understand this truth: We may be ordinary, humble, and cute, but every move we make will trigger a huge psychological reverberation in our children. In life, loss is inevitable and grievance is inevitable. Never let yourself down. The world may be cold, but responsible thinking and exploration of life will surely make children feel the warmth of love, a sunny mentality, and endless confidence. At the end, everyone’s growth is not perfect, it is a thrilling adventure. Remember your parents’ correct guidance and thank them for their wisdom. We must also remember our parents’ mistakes and pity their helplessness. The methods that worked in the past may not still work now, because the environment is changing and the children\’s mentality is also changing. Don\’t use the life experience of the past generations to guide the unpredictable and unknowable life of the next generation.