Why do children always stick to their mothers after being scolded? The truth is sad

If you are good at observing, you will find that different children react differently to their parents\’ yelling and scolding. When you yell, your child may: appear panicked; yell hysterically at adults; run to mom in tears; ignore the yelling; reluctantly follow parents\’ instructions… some of which may make you feel guilty The most common reaction is that the child will suddenly become clingy. They will follow you, seeking hugs and comfort, as if they have suffered great grievances. It\’s obvious that your angry look frightens him, but he clings to you; it\’s obvious that your yelling hurts the child, but he never holds a grudge. What are the subtexts hidden behind these reactions of the child? 01 When a child clings to you, it is a desire for attachment. When it comes to clinging to others, we have to mention the attachment relationship. In attachment theory, a very classic saying is: \”Children use their mothers as a safe base to safely explore the world around them.\” From infancy, children will actively seek closeness to their mothers (or primary caregivers) . Therefore, the quality of companionship in early life, such as hugging and caressing, parent-child companionship and trust, timely presence and response, regular life, etc., are all crucial to the development of children. In such a nurturing environment, children will feel comfortable and satisfied, develop a sense of intimacy and trust in their parents, form an initial sense of security, and then expand to trust and expectation in the world around them, and go out with peace of mind. Attachment is almost instinctive for children. As children grow up, they will be afraid of their mother leaving them, fear of losing their mother, and fear of not being loved by their mother. Because of the fear of losing contact with the mother, the child will constantly confirm the mother\’s \”existence\”. For example: if you don’t see your mother for a while, you will be very anxious and look around; you must sleep with your mother at night; when you encounter difficulties, you will rush to your mother’s arms as soon as possible… The younger the child is, the more he will care about his mother. The attachment will become stronger. Being clingy is also a form of confirmation. When parents yell and scold their children, even though they are right next to their children, the attitude conveyed is negative, passive, and emotional. This is an unpleasant and even scary experience, and brings the child the fear of being abandoned. Emotional stress prompts children to seek safety and protection from their mothers, and they will become increasingly clinging to their mothers. No matter how the mother reacts, the child will continue to try to gain love and affection from her mother. This active attachment behavior seems to be a test of the mother\’s reaction to him, to confirm that he has not been abandoned and is well loved. In other words, when your child clings to you, he is actually confirming the fact that you love him. 02 Never hold grudges, it’s your children’s unconditional love for you. I once saw a video like this. A mother was taking care of two children at home alone. She was very busy. As a result, the children kept causing trouble. The mother couldn’t help but scolded the naughty Dabao. , and asked him to stand. Dabao stood by the wall, carefully observing his mother\’s face. After a while, he suddenly cried out in fear: \”Mom, don\’t hit me…\” His mother said angrily: \”Why don\’t I hit you?\” He answered without hesitation: \”Because I love you.\” This sentence made my mother burst into tears. Many people mistakenly believe that children do not hold grudges because theyForgetful and ignorant, in fact, the child does not hold grudges, he just loves you too much and is willing to forgive you unconditionally. Every child once loved their parents unconditionally. During this period, even if his parents don\’t love him, are cruel to him, or scold him, he can still hug his parents without thinking. Many mothers can deeply feel this pure love from their children\’s actions. I once saw a few children getting together and talking about their mothers: \”My mother is great!\” \”My mother is the best! She can tell so many stories!\” \”My mother can also do it, and she can also cook delicious food. Cake!\” The little ones talked about their mothers, and their words were full of love for their mothers. We always think that we love our children very much, but in fact, our children love us much more than we love our children. When children are disobedient, not excellent, not smart, or uncooperative, we will show rejection, disappointment, and disgust. The world of children is very pure. No matter whether their parents are poor or rich, tall or short, beautiful or ugly, they will love their parents wholeheartedly. As Deborah Bloom, author of \”The Power of Love and Attachment,\” once said: \”Love exists from the beginning of life. Perhaps no one loves and cherishes love more than children.\” It is precisely because of loving them. Only then can we forgive our bad moods and harsh voices so easily. 03 Be good at responding to children’s clinginess and create a good safety fortress. In our backend comments, many mothers have expressed concerns about their children’s clingy behavior. In their view, being clingy is a sign of weakness and dependence. In fact, children\’s various clingy behaviors do not mean that they are in insecure attachment or not strong enough, but they remind mothers to repair and rebuild the connection between parent and child. They are saying: \”Mom, I love you, and I need you to stay with me now.\” If the mother is good at responding and re-establishing a close relationship through restorative actions such as holding the child and actively comforting her, the child will also regain a sense of security. This does not lead to dependence but, on the contrary, inspires independence. When children are clingy, the mother pushes them out, which will only make the children more dependent on the mother and unwilling to leave her side. They do not have enough security and courage to explore the outside world. Children feel like they are \”recharging\” by their mother\’s side. Children who are not full of \”electricity\” naturally have no motivation to expand their safety base. Once children have a healthy attachment relationship and receive adequate emotional support, they will gradually build up confidence and security, and can feel at ease even when their mother is not around. Their curiosity and desire to explore the outside world will also increase, leading to more independent behaviors and active exploration of the surrounding environment. So, when you finish yelling at your child and find that he is more clingy, be sure to hug him and give him enough attention and response. You don\’t need to feel guilty, just sincerely apologize to your child. We don’t need to be perfect, and neither do children, but parents and children need to respond and repair in a timely manner. At the same time, stay alert to your emotions. We often talk about a sense of boundaries, but in fact emotions should also have a sense of boundaries. You must learn to be aware of your own heart, trace the source of your emotions, face and understand yourself honestly, and take responsibility for your emotions.Don\’t vent your emotions on your children. For parents, managing emotions well is not something that can be achieved overnight and requires continuous learning and hard work. Striving to be an emotionally stable, rational, and strong mother who provides continuous and stable love is also building a strong safety fortress for her children. Click \”Like\” and hope everyone can work hard to become such a parent.