Why do obedient children have no future?

Napoleon said: \”Thinking will change a person\’s destiny.\” This is true. Only those who have the ability to think independently will have the ability to innovate and better control life. Children who can think independently often have their own opinions. They do not follow the crowd or follow what others say. They have their own personality and self-confidence. This is also a quality that children should have in the learning process. Children can think independently and when encountering difficult problems, Parents will not be asked for direct answers. The ability to think independently is also one of the essential qualities for outstanding talents. If you want your children to learn to think independently, parents must learn to let go and not force their children to be obedient in everything. Instead, they must give their children the right to choose and stimulate their initiative. Don\’t Always give the child the answer, but ask more why to stimulate the child\’s awareness of independent thinking. I often see some children saying: \”Mom, I don\’t know what to do.\” \”Mom, tell me what to do!\” \”Dad, help me do it…\” When these children encounter difficulties, their instinctive thoughts are Just ask your parents for help, help them think, and help them make choices and judgments. For different children, parents should use specific problems that occur in life to provide opportunities for children to learn to think independently, face problems on their own, and come up with solutions to problems. Top 10 bestsellers Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Skills on Parent-Child Relationship e-book 1. Start with the small things in life and give children the right to choose. When a person faces countless choices from childhood to adulthood, how can he make the best choice? It is a person\’s opinion and ability to choose, so giving children the ability to choose is of great significance to their growth. However, looking at the current situation, we see that many parents are accustomed to holding their children\’s choice firmly in their own hands, making choices for their children, making plans for their children, and like to do everything for their children, rather than ordering their children to do this. It just prevents the child from doing that, fails to respect the child\’s own ideas, and neglects to cultivate the child\’s independence. If parents blindly make decisions and choices for their children, the result is often as follows: the children lose the opportunity to think and judge for themselves, and their ability to make independent decisions cannot be developed. In this way, the children will become less confident in the future. I don’t dare to express my thoughts, I can’t make my own decisions, I just follow other people’s wishes. A good friend’s daughter is in the third grade. She has good academic performance and is usually well-behaved and obedient. She never lets her parents and teachers worry about her. But one drawback is that she lacks the ability to think independently and has no opinion on anything she does. She believes whatever others say. A common scenario is: \”Mom, what should I wear today?\” \”Mom, my dad said, let me learn taekwondo.\” \”Dad, my mom said, let me sign up for piano classes.\” \”Dad, we The teacher said that the school is holding a competition, should I participate?\” Perhaps children from many families are like this, enjoying too much pampering from their families and not having to worry about almost anything, and this has gradually become a habit. I don’t know how many clothes to wear. Whenever the weather changes, my parents tell me to add more clothes because it’s getting colder. I believe that no parent wants their child to become a person who is not confident and has no independent opinions in the future. Then, parents should learn to let go.Hands, give children the right to choose. What is the appropriate thing to do when your child is growing up? 1. For children who are relatively young and make choices within a moderate range (2-7 years old), you can consciously provide the children with some options for them to choose from. For example, discuss with your children on weekends, \”Do you want to go to the park or the amusement park?\” When buying clothes for your children, consider the style, color, etc. This often allows children to think about making choices and cultivate their ability to make decisions. 2. For older children, you should seek their children’s opinions and encourage them to make their own decisions. Some parents are used to asking their children to do things in a commanding tone. This is a very bad habit. Commands mean that the children must listen to you. Losing room for negotiation with you will also cause dissatisfaction among children, so what parents need to do is to discuss everything with their children. \”How can this be done better? What do you think?\” \”I think it would be better if you finish your homework first and then watch TV. What do you think?\” This not only expresses respect for the child , and also let children learn to deal with things according to their own ideas. 2. Don’t train children to be “obedient puppets.” “Be good, and obedient is a good child!” This is probably what parents often say to their children. When children have their own ideas or do not do what their parents say, , parents will use this sentence to remind their children, so that their children will bear the pressure of being a \”good boy\” and obey their parents. Parents want their children to be obedient so that they can worry less. A child who has developed the habit of obedience will listen to his parents at home, his teachers at school, and others in society. How can such a good child achieve anything? Blindly asking children to be obedient will cause the children to lose their initiative. So how to make children have \”assertiveness\” and not just be \”obedient\” children? 1. Be good at listening to children’s ideas. When children argue with their parents for what they have done, parents must not scold their children for “talking back” and give their children ample opportunities to defend themselves. In addition, parents should not take away the \”talk\” from their children. They should listen quietly to their children, let them try to express their opinions, and provide timely guidance, which will encourage them. You can also allow your children to participate in some things in the family and listen to their ideas. Even if you don\’t adopt them, you can still understand what your children think and how they view problems by involving them. Parents can use this as an opportunity. , further guide to stimulate children\’s critical thinking ability. 2. Encourage children to practice their own ideas. In life, children will have some strange ideas, especially when facing some new things. At this time, children may not dare to express their thoughts because they are afraid that their thoughts are different from those of their elders. If parents ignore this behavior of their children, it will cause the children to confine their thoughts. At this time, we should encourage the child to practice his or her own ideas, and if necessary, we should work with the child to confirm his or her ideas. Home is a haven for children’s souls. With the support and encouragement of their parents, children will feel confident and brave enough to accomplish things. Once the child\’s own point of view is recognized, he will receive greater encouragement. If this continues, the child will gradually have his own opinions.Thoughts, dare to express and insist on your own ideas. 3. Affirm the child’s courage to say “no”. To make the child assertive, you must tell the child: “What parents say and teachers say may not always be right.” I often play the “say no” game with my children. Make mistakes on purpose and let your children pick out the mistakes. I said: \”TVs, refrigerators, washing machines, and laundry detergent are all usable things, and they are all home appliances.\” The child said: \”No, laundry detergent is a usable thing, but it is not a home appliance.\” Use this game to tell the child , both adults and children can make mistakes. When children realize this, they will not blindly follow others or imitate others. 3. Ask more \”why\” and \”how\” to stimulate children\’s independent thinking and problem-solving abilities. We must encourage children to ask more questions, think more, and try more. Children have reached a sensitive period when they like to ask why, and they always like to ask adults some questions: Why do you have to wait for the traffic light? Where did I come from? Why do we need to wash our hands before eating? Why does the moon change? Some children even asked questions that far exceeded the content of \”One Hundred Thousand Whys\”. Faced with such questions, parents often say, \”Where do you get so many questions?\” This kind of answer directly kills children\’s curiosity and independent thinking ability. Some parents just said \”I don\’t know how to answer it\”, and then \”you will understand when you are older\”. This is a great disrespect for the curiosity and understanding of the children, and it is also It doesn’t matter if the parents themselves are lazy and don’t know the answer. Even if they are 100 years old, they may not know all the answers. The key is to encourage the children to think more, ask more questions, try more, and find the answers together with the children. In the face of children who have curiosity and desire for knowledge, At this stage, in addition to patiently answering questions, parents should also ask their children \”why\” more, stimulate their curiosity, find answers together, and cultivate their independent thinking ability. The following points should also be noted when asking questions: 1. Be open and selective. Open-ended questions refer to questions with a relatively large scope and no clear restrictions on the answers, which helps children to use their thinking and imagination. For example, ask children: \”If you go on an outing, where will you choose?\” Why choose this place? \”Selectivity is aimed at younger children, such as: \”Do you want to play on the swing or the slide? \”When the child makes a choice, you can ask the child the reason for the choice: \”Why did you choose it? What do you think? \”This way of asking questions stimulates children\’s thinking behavior. 2. Guide children to think about problems from multiple angles. For some questions, children\’s answers are relatively one-sided. Parents can first affirm their children\’s answers, and then guide their children to think about the problem from multiple angles, and let them Children use divergent thinking. During reading, when reading picture books with children, we can use this method to ask children questions. My daughter’s favorite book is \”David, No\”. She especially likes to read this book. On the first page of the book, there is a picture of David stepping on a stool to pick up the cookie box. We can ask the children this question: What other ways are there to think of the cookie box at a high place? Which of these methods do you think is the best? OK? Why?Do you use some methods to reach high objects at home? Is there any way to avoid falling and stay away from danger? Picture books are a good way to let children learn to think independently. Ask questions to guide children to express their thoughts while reading, or when reading a book, just read the beginning, the process, and let the children imagine the ending. What kind of story, let him explain why there is such an ending, and encourage him to tell more than two different endings, and finally tell the child the ending of the original story. 3. Train children to think about ways to solve problems. Philosopher James Doblin of the University of California in the United States once proposed a famous \”law of reinforcement\”, which means that when a person\’s positive behavior is recognized, he can gradually get rid of his inferiority complex. Continuously inspire self-confidence. To stimulate children\’s self-confidence, protect children\’s enthusiasm for independent thinking, and improve children\’s ability to solve problems by hand, the best way is to ask children \”what to do\” more often. Once I took my daughter to an amusement park. When I came back, I was waiting for the bus on the roadside. After waiting for a long time, the bus didn\’t come. At this time, my daughter was a little impatient. Seeing this, I asked her: \”The bus never came.\” Come on, what should we do?\” My daughter said, \”Then let\’s take a taxi. We can sit in the taxi and it\’s comfortable!\” After hearing what my daughter said, I thought to myself, this little guy still knows how to feel comfortable! I answered her: \”Of course you can take a taxi, but not today. We spent most of the day at the amusement park and the remaining money is no longer enough to take a taxi. What do you think we should do?\” When I said this, I deliberately exposed myself. With an anxious expression, my daughter unexpectedly said: \”Mom, don\’t worry, we can continue to wait. We have been waiting for so long, the car should be here soon!\” Although this is a simple thing, but when we encounter When things happen, you might as well ask your children \”what to do\”. This not only cultivates children\’s ability to solve problems, but also cultivates children to be sensible, responsible and considerate of others. When some problems arise in life, lead the children to think together, and also give them some guidance and suggestions as appropriate. Einstein once said: Learning to think and judge independently is more important than acquiring knowledge. Those who do not make up their minds to cultivate the habit of thinking will lose the greatest joy of life. Developing the general ability to think and judge independently should always be given priority rather than the acquisition of specialized knowledge. We must believe that there is a treasure of wisdom hidden in every child\’s mind. Children should be allowed to think and solve problems by themselves, and children should be allowed to explore their own treasures.