Why do your kids always complain?

My neighbor had a lot of trouble with his daughter for a while. Because no matter where she goes for activities, she always loses her energy and is very lazy. The family took her out to play, to flower shows in the botanical gardens, and taught her how to recognize beautiful hyacinths or tulips. However, facing the blooming spring flowers, she was in low spirits and looked bored. She pouted, fiddled with her pigtails, and twisted her light eyebrows into a small ball. After taking a few steps, she mumbled and complained, which was very unpleasant. patient. Her parents took her to the museum to see cultural relics, hoping to broaden her horizons and increase her accumulation. However, other children could continue to look at it with curiosity on their faces, their eyes flickering, and they lay on the glass and looked carefully until they saw Song Dynasty ceramics, Yuan Dynasty scrolls, Ming Dynasty dragon crowns and phoenix shoes, and Qing Dynasty gold hairpins and jade hairpins. However, she didn\’t even finish reading the exhibition area of ​​primitive society, so she screamed to leave: \”It\’s so boring! It\’s so dark here! I want to go home!\” Her parents took their children out to play. They had good intentions and hoped that she would grow up. Experience and return happily. However, they didn’t know what they had done wrong. Instead of letting their children learn anything and have fun, they instead made her more bored and complaining constantly. When children are young, their emotions are often very sensitive. Moreover, their minds are not yet mature and they do not yet fully possess the rationality and control of adults. They are not good at regulating personal behavior. Therefore, it is not easy to focus on points of interest. Pay attention. The force is easily dispersed. At this time, if the activities that their families ask them to engage in do not make them feel interesting and satisfied, they will easily complain, become irritable, and become passive and lazy. It\’s just like in a company, if the work instructions issued by the boss are not in line with the wishes of the employees, the employees will be depressed and slow down. They will resist and delay in a negative way, sometimes contradicting them in person, sometimes complaining secretly. In companies, the way to resolve such complaints is to arouse employees\’ sense of participation. Involve employees in the decision-making process and let them feel that the decision was made by themselves. When he participates in the task and completes the task according to his own wishes, he no longer has the discomfort of passively accepting orders. How to make employees willing to implement the boss\’s decision with full concentration? The best way is to make him feel like the boss and let him use his own way to make plans to solve problems and implement his own ideas. In this way, he will naturally be full of enthusiasm and will not be upset or complain. Just like the general manager of Toyota, he once set up suggestion boxes and \”suggestion discussion rooms\” everywhere in the workshop, allowing employees to plan how to manufacture machinery and how to improve production procedures. As a result, employees feel great satisfaction and feel that they are the owners of the company. They are full of energy and create impressive results. A family, just like a business, needs advice and collective efforts. Family members must cooperate with each other and develop together. Therefore, when asking children to do things, we should listen to their opinions. In a family, the role of parents is like that of executives in a company. The way we educate our children is similar to the way business owners motivate their employees. American parenting expert Jane. Nelson once said: \”If a child complains, ask him: What do you need to do about this? This will allow the child to use his or her thinking skills to reconcile.problem-solving skills, allowing them to use their energy in a positive way and feel that they are capable people. It\’s easier to work together if they\’re involved in the planning process, so let your children help deal with problems. Nelson told a story: Mr. Paco was a kindergarten teacher. In order to let the children enjoy nutritious meals, he decided to give them milkshakes containing natural fruits and vegetables. He wanted to give the children cabbage. Vegetables are very nutritious, but they are not delicious when eaten raw. Many children abroad do not like cabbage, and they will complain if they are forced to eat it. So Mr. Paco decided to let the children help make milk. The children were very excited and chattering, and decided to make milkshakes using cabbage and pineapple. Maybe they thought that the bright purple cabbage with the orange pineapple was bright and beautiful. However, the original taste of cabbage was enough It\’s weird, with the addition of pineapple, the mixed taste becomes even more unbearable. Although this milkshake is rich in vitamins, I\’m afraid even most adults can\’t stand this weird taste. But the children are very happy , because they can choose their own ingredients, wash the vegetable leaves by themselves, and then work together to tear the vegetables into pieces and put them into the milkshake machine together with other ingredients. After that, a large bucket of milkshake with real and strange taste is served. . Every child who participated in the preparation process of the milkshake rushed to drink it, and praised it repeatedly. After eating their own portion, they would ask for more. Their little faces were radiant, eating the milkshake they usually hate. There was no pain or impatience at all. Later, Mr. Paco served a milkshake and gave it to the children in another class to try. These children had not experienced the design and manufacturing process of the milkshake. As soon as they tasted the milkshake, they Frowning, no one is willing to taste a little more. This example is a good proof of the value of participation. The kind of participation that puts oneself in the shoes and is fully immersed can actually make children eat the food they hate and enjoy it. Among them, never tire of it. French historian Migne once said: \”What kind of person is considered to be, what kind of person he will soon become.\” \”When adults believe that children can participate in decision-making, have their own voice and initiative, and then let them do it, children will really actively participate, contribute, and accept the results without dissatisfaction. When children always When complaining, you might as well try and let them participate and practice. Then they will express less negative emotions and have more positive life experience. When they feel that their ideas and actions are respected and accepted by others, they can be human beings. If they are sure, their psychological needs will be fully satisfied, their emotions will naturally be adjusted, and they will not use negative complaints to resist cooperation and vent their emotions. Later, my neighbor also discovered that every time her children resisted and complained, it was Because all activities are arranged by parents. Where to go and what to play are all decided by adults. Children are \”forced\” to accept it and feel that their voices are ignored, so they are easily dissatisfied and complain. So, they They also adopted a method of involving the child in decision-making. They took her to Hong Kong and let her decide what to do.Procedure. The little girl was very happy when she got the initiative. She actually looked up maps and strategies on the Internet, and asked her parents if she didn\’t understand anything. That confident look, as if she was a general and her parents were two senior advisers. This trip to Hong Kong was the happiest trip their family has ever taken. They went to Disneyland, the beautiful Repulse Bay, and the Ocean Theater on the mountain. In sharp contrast to her usual impatient appearance, she no longer complained at every place, but instead walked around for a long time. At the Ocean Theater, she watched the dolphin show twice with great interest. She usually watches the show, but she couldn\’t sit still halfway through the show and wanted to move away. Because she had read online guides, she also chose the right time to avoid the peak period of tourist groups and avoid queuing when taking the cable car up the mountain. She was very happy about this and felt that she had made a great contribution. She was very happy along the way. She did not complain about being tired, nor did she complain that her feet were sore after walking a few steps like before. She asked her parents to carry her on her back and refused to buy her ice cream. Just twisting around and shouting loudly. She just jumped up and down and went to Hong Kong seriously. The parents were also very happy and gratified. They kept showing off to us when they came back, saying that their daughter had grown up and was really independent. \”Although the hotel she wanted us to stay in had SpongeBob painted on the wall, and we two adults thought it was funny to live in it, it was her choice, and she has the right to make the decision.\” Although the child is young, he will gradually They have developed a strong sense of self and hope to have the right to make independent choices. Therefore, they are often unwilling to follow the established arrangements of adults and follow the rules. Especially between the ages of 2 and 5, children are particularly prone to complain, protest and rebel against their family\’s decisions, so psychologists use the concept of the \”first resistance period\” to define this period. If we want to stimulate children\’s abilities, let them concentrate on activities that are beneficial to them, and stop complaining easily, then we might as well let them participate in the decision-making process, contribute their own ideas, and implement their own ideas. In this way, children will gradually grow up, learn how to make decisions and make trade-offs, and finally learn to manage their own lives, implement their own decisions and be responsible for them, taking actions and taking responsibility. Finally, under the management of their parents, they will become The better little managers in the family are better than their masters. In this process, children will be happy, stop complaining, and be themselves with a sense of accomplishment. At the same time, when they see that their parents respect their opinions, they will feel grateful, and their relationship with their parents will become closer and warmer. Moreover, when they feel that they have made the contribution they can, they will be more aware of the importance of their existence, which is also beneficial to the development of their self-esteem and self-confidence. As Nelson once said: “Providing your children with ways to contribute encourages their growth in self-awareness, teaches them life skills, and allows them to see themselves as contributing members of their family or community. members and give them a sense of belonging.”