Why does a child lose his temper?

As the saying goes: Qi is the nameless fire, and patience is the enemy of disaster. Losing your temper is a sign of incompetence. No one likes a child who throws a tantrum. …Have you said these words to your children? A child\’s lack of temper is the real source of depression. My colleague\’s daughter Xixi has always been well-behaved, but she actually ran away from home some time ago. This legendary \”child from another family\” is obedient and sensible, and his parents never have to worry about his studies. After having a younger brother, he will help take care of him. In everyone\’s eyes, she will always be a role model worth learning from. Fortunately, the police were called in time and the child was quickly found. But Xixi\’s condition was not very good. She stayed in her room without eating or drinking. After she was taken to see a psychiatrist, she found out that she was suffering from moderate smile depression. It turns out that since my colleague became pregnant with her second child, her mood has fluctuated greatly. Once her daughter disobeys or loses her temper, she will get angry and either scold and yell, or ignore her, or even say: \”If you keep doing this, mommy won\’t like you.\” After being forced to suppress it for a long time, Xixi Even if I have any thoughts or dissatisfaction, I am no longer willing to show it. Psychologically speaking: when a person loses his temper, it is a reaction to a situation where he feels helpless or powerless, and it is a disguised signal for help sent to the people around him to attract others\’ attention. But as parents, the most annoying thing for us is to see our children lose their temper, so we often tell them: \”Be obedient and you are a good child.\” But we forget that emotions need to be vented. If they are suppressed all the time, emotions will only accumulate in the heart. It becomes \”psychological baggage\” and completely blocks the child\’s heart. Psychologist Aliser Soter believes that children try to put everything they see into their hearts and try to understand the world, which is a bit overwhelming for them. On the surface, he is well-behaved and sensible, but that is just a mask of \”Okay, it doesn\’t matter, I can do that\” to please adults. Image source: Movie \”Unforgettable\” Behind that, there is a lot of negative energy. I have read this sentence: The skill of controlling emotions is easy to learn. When children grow up, they will naturally understand the advantages and disadvantages of this skill, and know how to weigh the pros and cons when encountering problems. But at an age when you should be playing around, crying and laughing, you need to carefully watch the faces of adults every day. Losing the temper and willfulness that a child should have, such a child would have too low self-esteem. A netizen on Zhihu said: My parents have always said that no matter what happens to a man, he should first not cry and secondly not get angry. Remember, the prime minister can hold a boat in his belly. So I almost never lose my temper in these years and adopt the gentlest attitude toward anyone and anything. Treat people you hate as guests. Even if you fall in love, you are never willing to give too much. You will always love yourself more than others. I am more cold-blooded than gentle, with almost no real emotions. Children who lose their temper know more about self-love. I heard a friend say such a thing. Her son is 7 years old and always wants to play with other children, so he is very enthusiastic. With the idea of ​​\”as long as everyone is willing to play with me, I don\’t care about anything.\” As a result, the children around him always treated him casually, often said they would not play with him, and even bullied him. One second I robbed something from him, the next secondLet him play along. He immediately followed her without even having any basic self-esteem. Generally speaking, in interpersonal interactions, children with high emotional intelligence know how to control their emotions and be likeable. In fact, if you sacrifice yourself for the pursuit of friendship, it is not a sign of high emotional intelligence at all. In order to please others and wrong yourself, you will get more losses than gains. Not knowing how to lose your temper largely indicates that you don’t know how to love yourself. This \”sense of self-importance\” causes children to regard \”catering and obeying\” as having a gentle personality and being easy to talk to, so their behavior lacks a sense of proportion. Just like Michael Jordan, he never caused trouble as a child and was very tolerant. But some naughty children thought he was a coward and always liked to bully him no matter what. Finally, Jordan\’s father couldn\’t stand it anymore and told him: \”If others don\’t know that you have a temper, they will bully you even harder.\” Later, when others bullied him again, he severely punished the child who was the leader among them. Press to the ground. From then on, no one dared to bully him again. If you blindly control your emotions, bad children will become unscrupulous, while obedient children will lose their principles and personality. Children who know how to love themselves know how to make themselves happy. Even if you are sad, you still know the reason for the sadness, know how to vent and adjust, and will not go to extremes. On this basis, children have their own bottom line and temperament, and will also use this as a control tool during social interaction. Maintaining your own principles is the real high emotional intelligence and the candid and interesting communication. As Cai Kangyong said: \”Having high emotional intelligence does not mean not losing your temper, but losing your temper reasonably, allowing you to express your emotions smoothly and being yourself comfortably, so that you and the world can be happy.\” It is harmless for children to lose their temper. The only way to prevent tantrums is \”How to Talk So Children Will Listen, How to Listen So Children Are Willing to Talk\” mentioned in the book: \”We often can\’t understand why children cry so much because of the smallest things. Stop.\” Just like 4-year-old Dongdong, he made a bunny at school, but one of its ears was broken, and he cried sadly. The father said to him: \”There\’s nothing to cry about. Isn\’t it just that one ear is broken? You can just make a new one.\” In fact, when the children\’s unhappiness is denied or ignored, they just It will be even sadder. The author mentioned: Sometimes, children just want you to understand how they feel. Listening to them and then \”telling them how they feel\” is the greatest help. For example, his father told him: \”Then you must be very confused, and even hope that there is a spell to make the rabbit grow an ear again.\” If you give such a reaction, your child will be super grateful to you. In one episode of \”Mom is Superman 3\”, Humph was sitting on the floor alone playing with toys. When he accidentally stepped on a sharp nail, he immediately burst into tears and threw the nail away angrily. Huo Siyan asked what was wrong with the child. After checking the soles of his feet, she found that it was not serious. She comforted her gently: \”It must be very painful.\” She hummed to express that it hurt, so she held her son in her arms. After a while, she hummed. My mood has become much more stable and I no longer cry. Child psychologist Dr. Deborah McNamara believes: Let the child finish the tantrum instead of trying to prevent the child from having a tantrum.gas. The tantrum itself is harmless, stopping it is. Therefore, when faced with children\’s sudden emotions, we must first understand the reasons, and then face up to and accept their emotions. Don\’t hit or scold, or coax out of principle, as such results are more likely to be counterproductive. In addition, you should also tell your children the truth of \”you can\’t bear it anymore, there is no need to bear it anymore\”. Just like a word said by the writer\’s desk: \”righteous anger\”, that is, learning righteous and appropriate anger, and losing your temper correctly. Temper is never meant to make children \”bow down\”, but to make children \”head up\”. When others\’ behavior exceeds our tolerance, we can, like Jordan, fight back appropriately. I love you just because you are you. Imagine this picture: On one side are children stacking blocks in the living room. They have been stacking them for a long time, but they have not yet been made into the desired shape. He was so anxious that he pushed down the toys in front of him and fell to the ground, kicking and squealing again. The father who had just got off work came back. Although he was very tired, he saw the aggrieved look on his child\’s lips and hurriedly stepped forward to ask him what was wrong. Finally, the father accompanied the child, picked up the building blocks scattered around, and the two of them built a big castle together. On the other side, children are also stacking blocks. After piling it up for a long time, it still didn\’t turn out the way I wanted. He handed the building blocks in his hand to his father who was sitting next to him. The father held the mobile phone and said, \”Okay, baby, be good and play by yourself.\” Without losing his temper, the child picked up the building blocks again, but his eyes were full of joy as he lowered his head. Full of loneliness and sadness. Maybe you will say that it is better to have a second child, as it is not noisy at all. So, if it were you, which child would you like to have? I watched a video like this: The husband came back from get off work and asked his wife: \”How are you feeling today?\” In the wife\’s memory: her eldest daughter woke her up early in the morning crying and yelling that there was a monster under the bed, and she rushed to the child\’s room to comfort her. , even though he hadn’t woken up yet. When playing with toys together, the two children would always fight over each other and cry. The elder sister thought her sister\’s diapers smelled too bad, so she kept patting her belly with her hand. Even, when her mother wasn\’t paying attention, she took away the newly opened cake and finally covered it completely on the floor… For the mother, it was a day of collapse, but in the eyes of her daughter, it looked like this: I\’m scared to sleep At that time, my mother came to hug me! I love my little sister the most~ My sister’s belly made a popping noise, and we all laughed! Mom even kissed us a lot~ But the happiest thing for me was that mom and I had a food fight with the cake that fell on the floor… Today is the happiest day for my baby! The mother standing at the door choked up when she heard her child\’s words. You see, children are children, so naive and not very sensible. They can cry, make trouble, be willful, act coquettishly, and even have their own tempers that can make you lose your temper. But such children are truly happy children. Because they know that they are loved well by the person they love the most, that\’s why they dare to be so \”unbridled\”. They are attached to their parents, and their parents will respond with love to them. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Just like those twoFor the father and son who stacked blocks, it is not difficult to imagine that as time goes by, the first father and son must have a better relationship. When psychology talks about \”unconditional love,\” it doesn\’t mean doting. It’s not that children know that they are worthy of unconditional love, so they keep asking for it, thinking that everyone owes them. True \”unconditional love\” means: Although I will praise you and criticize you, the most important thing is, no matter what you do. Regardless of whether what you do meets my expectations or not, you don\’t have to worry that I will abandon you. I love you not because of what you have done, but because of your very existence, you are worthy of being loved. The greatest blessing for a family is to let children know how to respect themselves before respecting others. I hope every child can grow up happily in such love.