Why does the child feel insecure?

A child\’s lack of security can be seen at a glance. \”Why is my child different from others?\” Recently, my friend Qingqing asked me for help in great distress. Recommended books on scientific parenting. I really wish my parents had read this book. Download the electronic version. Her son is over three years old. Children of the same age at this age can already attend early education classes by themselves, with their mother going out or watching from the side. That\’s it. Only Qingqing\’s son can\’t. He must go to class with his mother. Even if his mother is sitting next to him sometimes, he will often look back at her. Qingqing said: This child must \”stick\” to me to be satisfied. What happened to him? I told her: A child always confirms and searches for his mother\’s existence repeatedly. He is actually looking for a sense of security. Qingqing was very confused. There was no shortage of food and clothing in the family, and they all loved him. Why did he feel insecure? When I discussed it carefully, I found that Qingqing had a bad habit. It’s just that she likes to leave the children to the old people and then go out to play by herself. Every time I go out, I go quietly and never say hello to my children. When a child is young, he may cry for a while when his mother is missing. But as the children grow up, the feeling of uneasiness becomes more and more obvious. Winnicott said: Children must confirm that they can go home at any time before they can move forward with peace of mind. If a child needs his mother when he is growing up and wants to return to his mother\’s arms at any time, but finds that his mother is often absent, it means that he cannot \”go home at any time.\” If they cannot confirm their mother\’s existence, they cannot confirm their own existence. They will keep looking, keep looking back, and keep confirming their own value. The book \”Cultivating Children\’s Sense of Security\” points out that infants and preschoolers who lack a sense of security will have these common characteristics: Children who do not feel a sense of security will appear to be preoccupied and overly sad; they will behave aggressively and often They like to cause destruction and do things recklessly, such as jumping from high places; they will be more anxious and fearful than their peers; they will avoid certain emotions, for example, when asked about something, they will hesitate and not want to speak. ; They behave in a disorderly manner, seem to do things aimlessly, do not ask their parents, and do not follow the rules; when they want something, they will express it in a rollicking and depressed way… What is the sacred sense of security? This kind of thing cannot be seen or touched, but it can be attributed to many behavioral problems of children. So, what exactly is security? The most secure time a person feels is when he is in his mother\’s belly. At that time, an umbilical cord connected him to his mother, who was his whole world. After he comes out of his mother\’s belly, his connection with her mother is no longer by the umbilical cord, but by the attachment relationship with her. Children can get positive responses from their parents when they are in need. He won\’t worry about being abandoned or not being loved. After leaving his mother\’s womb, his mother\’s arms are still his safe haven. Even as he grew up and realized that his mother was not the whole world and that she could not be by his side at all times, he still had a kind of strength in his heart: Believe that there was a hug behind him, and that he would always be the one being embraced.Love. This power is a sense of security. Security has nothing to do with the real environment, but with our \”imagined environment.\” I have seen this sentence: A bird standing on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because it trusts not the branch, but its own wings. A bird\’s wings are its sense of security, but branches are not. When it believes in the power of its wings, it can care less about the safety of the branches. When it thinks its wings are weak, it thinks the branches are too weak. In the movie \”Life Is Beautiful\”, Guido\’s family of three were captured in a Nazi concentration camp. In order to prevent his son from being psychologically injured, Guido told his son that this was a game, and when he accumulated 1,000 points, he would get a real tank. The son believed in this fairy tale and lived very happily in the very dangerous concentration camp. Even when Guido was captured and shot in the end, he still winked mischievously at his son and told him it was a game. Under the proper protection of his father, the son\’s soul was not harmed. Not because the environment is safe, but because he is safe inside. He was sure that he was surrounded by love. Regardless of whether his parents were around or not, the power of love was already engraved in his belief. Only when you have strength in your heart will you not be afraid of wind and rain. Recommended children\’s educational psychology books: All 6 volumes of primary school psychology comics in PDF. Security is the eyes through which we see the world. When we firmly believe that we are closely connected with others, we will fall in love with the world. But when we feel that we are alone and have no one to support us, then we will feel that the world is full of malice towards us, and we do not believe that anyone will really love us. Children who are insecure will go back all their lives. Only when a child is sure about who he is, is firm enough in his heart, and is sure that he is worthy of being loved, can he dare to move forward boldly and face life positively. But what if a child is not sure enough? Mothers often do not respond promptly to their children\’s needs. The child cried, was hungry, fell down, or had nightmares, but there was no gentle embrace or comfort. Then a mark will be engraved in their hearts – this world is terrifying. He really wants to return to his mother\’s womb, but going back means death and disappearance. The instinct of life will strongly oppose this intention. When they are in great inner conflict, their lives will be \”stuck\” there. Of course they don\’t remember the anxious memory of their childhood, but they will never forget that anxious feeling, and they will always think that they are a person with \”no one behind them.\” Whenever they are frustrated in life, what they most want to do is not to face it positively, but to run away. Therefore, some people dare not have a stable relationship and are always changing jobs and escaping from life. This is all a manifestation of \”escape\”. They have long subconsciously believed that the world is scary and they cannot face it. The only way to be safe is to escape and escape back to the womb. How many people use their lives to interpret the insecure people\’s escape from the world. Ma Sichun, who won the Golden Horse Best Actress at a young age, was attacked by netizens because of her appearance and fell into depression. In fact, what really depressed her was not the violence on the Internet, but the storm inside her. She said that since childhoodHer parents\’ requirement for her is to be sensible, and she must be obedient in order to be loved. In other words, when she is being herself and not playing the role of a sensible child, she is not worthy of love. Without parents who were willing to accept her, there was no sense of security. When she encountered setbacks and difficulties, she used depression to escape, escaping into her inner vortex and attacking herself. Faced with the same online violence, what would people do if there was no one to escape? Yoko Lame, who was also attacked because of her appearance, had a completely different reaction. She said that beauty is something that cannot be defined. She wants to find a lot of beautiful actresses, but she wants to find one that is unique. I am the only one. I am unique. Her determination comes from her family, loving parents and harmonious family. Her parents told her that she was the best and that she could go home any time. When faced with the same setbacks, children who feel secure will choose to face the disastrous situation and move forward bravely. A sense of security is the best gift that parents can give their children. Freud said: I have found that those who think that they are liked or favored by their mothers will show confidence in themselves and unshakable optimism in life, and often appear heroic, and Real success is always achieved. When a pessimistic person who likes to escape is extremely envious of those sunny and optimistic children, we can deeply feel that the so-called happiness is not a lot of wealth, but an inner sense of solidity and determination, security and love. In all past relationships, the emotions a person has been responded to, whether it is sadness or joy, will soon be engraved deep in his heart and become his way of dealing with the world. A child who is properly protected and truly loved can deeply root his love in his relationship with others and the world; he can live alone or enjoy close relationships; he dares to move forward and is not afraid of short-term relationships. defeat. It is precisely because of their determination that their expectations have been repeatedly confirmed. There will always be people who love them around them, and there will always be warm sunshine shining on them. As a parent, being able to give your children this certainty is the best gift in the world. To cultivate children\’s sense of security is indeed very complicated, but to be simple, there is only one sentence: be the person that children can rely on at any time, and provide an environment where children can go home at any time. If a parent beats and scolds a child, is emotionally neglectful, lies to the child, belittles and sarcastic, or the parents argue frequently, is it okay for the parent to be unstable? Of course not, because in this way, the child will have no one behind him that he can rely on at any time, and there will be no safe haven. If you want to give your children a sense of security, review your behavior from time to time. Parents should let their children know that there is someone who loves you through thick and thin. Life is full of seas, and there are branches to rely on. Senior Nanny Training Video – Baby Touching Video Full Set 4.9G Please click \”Like\”, I hope every child can grow up in an environment full of security.