Why don’t you cry poverty to your children? This is the best answer I have ever seen

I saw a sad video not long ago: a father and daughter came to eat at KFC. The father said to his 6-year-old daughter: The meal you eat is the salary I earned after a hard day\’s work. The little girl lowered her head silently and became more and more sensible from then on. When she was 8 years old, she saw a Barbie doll in front of the window and thought to herself: I want it very much, but my parents are working too hard to make money, so I need to be more sensible. When she was 18 years old, she wanted to major in art, but she remembered that her parents had said that studying art was unstable, and studying accounting would be her ironclad job. So she convinced herself: Don’t make it difficult for your parents, and choose a major they like. At the age of 26, she had a boyfriend, who always made excessive demands. She resisted in her heart, but then she thought: He is so good to me, and if I reject him, will he be very sad? I feel like I don\’t love him. In this way, she was accustomed to thinking too much about others, making compromises in everything, and trying to satisfy the other person. She did not dare to refuse, had no independent opinion, and gradually lost control of her life. Poverty is never the weapon that causes the greatest harm to children. Parents\’ endless crying about poverty is the reason why their children are endlessly deprived and self-blame. Crying about poverty is not scary, but what is scary is being poor. There is a question on Zhihu: What impact will parents always crying on their children have on their children? One answer pointed out the truth to the point: the biggest problem is making children have low self-esteem, sensitivity, and extremes. There are many similar answers. It turns out that cry-poor education has harmed a large number of children invisibly. There is a concept in psychology called \”anchoring effect\”. That is to say, people are easily dominated by the initial information, like an anchor sinking to the bottom of the sea, which deeply fixes their understanding and mentality in a certain place and is difficult to change. Parents are the first anchor for children to perceive the world. Crying about poverty is to drop the anchor of low self-esteem and short-sightedness. Children who are raised in poverty will have a strong sense of unworthiness implanted in their hearts since childhood. They have low self-esteem, are weak, sensitive, and stubborn. No matter who they become in the future, it will be difficult to change this self-perception. Once this inferiority complex sprouts, it will be deeply buried in the heart of the child, and it may even take his or her entire life to cure it. Netizen @杨阳 once shared his story: I grew up in a “cry-poor education”. The most terrifying part about my parents crying about me being poor is that they would try their best to deny and condemn my desire for material things. Their most frequent words were: \”I want to buy everything I see. My parents work so hard to make money, why are they so ignorant?\” \”In order to study for you, do you know how hard it is for us to make money?\” \”Don\’t compare with others. What are their conditions and what are ours?\” After repeating these words endlessly, they become like a virus. My heart took root and multiplied. I would feel inferior, useless, inferior, unworthy, and unworthy all the time… I never dared to express my desires and requirements. In addition to school uniforms, my wardrobe during adolescence included everything I needed. One or two cotton-padded jackets will only be purchased during the Chinese New Year. At that time, I didn’t know what self-worth was. I would be cautious about everyone around me, try my best to please, help others, and sacrifice myself. But I know that my sense of material insecurity and lack is still like a black hole hidden deep in my soul, which cannot be resolved or avoided. Just like QingProfessor Peng Kaiping of Hua once said in an interview: \”If you tell your children that the family is \’short\’ and that we are not as good as others, it is actually instilling a sense of poverty. It will make children feel psychologically deprived.\” How sad but helpless Reality: Parents crying about poverty in front of their children is really the most failed family education. Do you still remember the corrupt official Zhao Dehan in the popular anti-corruption drama \”In the Name of the People\” who embezzled 239,995,400 yuan but lived in a shabby house and ate noodles with soybean paste? The cash in his villa is filled with refrigerators and beds, but he still lives in a simple house, wears rustic and cheap clothes, travels on an electric bicycle, and even eats the rice that falls on the table. Although he was a prominent person and had both fame and fortune, the lack of material things since he was a child made him feel insecure throughout his life. No wonder he said when the stolen money was confiscated: \”I didn\’t spend a penny! Our family has been farmers for generations, and we are afraid of poverty!\” Zhao Dehan\’s case tells us: What really makes us lose nothing is not poverty, but the heart. poverty. After all, if a person is poor for a while, his heart will be poor for a lifetime. Nourishment with love is the best nourishment for children\’s growth. Some people say that low self-esteem and a sense of lack are the fate that poor families cannot escape. I never thought so. Whether a child is rich or poor at heart has little to do with the financial ability of the parents. It mainly depends on the mentality and education of the parents. Netizen @小杰, who was born in the countryside, told her story: Xiaojie’s family is from a poor household, and her parents make a living by collecting scraps. This is something Xiaojie has known since she was a child. Xiaojie\’s parents told her that although their family was not rich, they did not need to feel ashamed of it. The family would try their best to satisfy her within their ability. The clothes are not new, but they must be pressed neatly; the shoes are not new, but they must be polished every time. After Xiaojie finished junior high school, her younger brother also had to go to elementary school. The family couldn\’t afford the tuition fees, so they had to borrow money from outsiders. Xiaojie\’s aunts all persuaded her to drop out of school and work to support the family, but Xiaojie\’s father insisted on letting Xiaojie continue studying, just because Xiaojie wanted to study. He bought a second-hand schoolbag for Xiaojie, washed it clean, and ironed a new set of clothes for her. He told her: \”It is the duty of your parents to provide you with education. It is your duty to study well. Don\’t think I feel guilty. Although our family is facing difficulties now, you have to believe that these are temporary. Mom and dad will work hard to make money, and you will also have to work hard to get into college. In the future, you will work in big cities and see the wonderful world outside. You will know that there are many more opportunities outside than you have seen.\” After Xiaojie entered college, the gap between the rich and the poor became more and more obvious, but she did not feel sorry for herself. Instead, she actively worked part-time as a tutor to subsidize her school expenses. She has never felt inferior because of her poverty, but is very bright and confident. Because she knows that poverty is an established fact, and complaining is useless. Only by working hard can the status quo be changed. It can be seen that a child\’s sense of wealth is never accumulated with money. Giving children spiritual wealth and inner abundance is the best nourishment for their growth. Do you still remember Zhan Qingyun, the Harvard academic master with rich knowledge and quick thinking in \”The Story of Strange Pa\”? actually,Her background was not good, and she had even \”lost\” at the starting line. Zhan Qingyun comes from a mountainous area in Guizhou. Her parents are ordinary employees. She went to a school with only two teachers, and there were cows herded by her classmates on the playground. But even with such poor conditions, Zhan Qingyun resolutely gave up his recommendation to Peking University and decided to take a loan of 1 million yuan to study at Harvard! This pattern and courage are due to her having a positive, optimistic and caring father. She once recalled her childhood: her father spared her every toy owned by others, and even sold furniture to buy her a racing track. I believe that Zhan Qingyun gets not only toys, but also satisfaction, love and confidence. No wonder economist Professor Xue Zhaofeng commented: She is poor, but not poor. You see, even if the family is financially strapped, it doesn\’t matter, the children can still be nourished with love, so that the most beautiful flowers can bloom in their barren soil. Tell your children generously: Being poor is not shameful, and there is no need to feel inferior about it. Money is indeed important, and more importantly, the ability to make money. Only in this way can you live a better life. Parents who don’t cry about poverty are all trying to establish money awareness in their children in this way. The book \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”Good education is not about crying about being poor, nor is it about pretending to be poor. It is about allowing children to understand the meaning of labor and self-achievement through appropriate education. Value. \”Instead of blindly crying to children about poverty, we should pay more attention to the following points in the process of establishing money awareness in children: 1. Respond honestly to the child\’s needs and encourage him to use his own hands to make money to meet the child\’s needs. We should respond to him honestly without exaggerating or exaggerating. Try to satisfy him within the scope of your ability; if it is beyond the scope of your ability, let him understand that it is not that you are not worthy, but that the temporary conditions are limited and you need to become better to have it. Let him know that money is the result of his parents\’ labor and he should learn to be grateful and cherish it. Tell your children that life at the moment is temporary, and you have to work hard to choose who you want to be and what kind of life you want to live. Everyone wants good things, but they have to rely on their own ability to fight for them. Everyone\’s future is in their own hands. 2. Don’t “kidnap” children with a sense of sacrifice. Huang Zhizhong once said: “Giving unwillingly will produce a sense of sacrifice, just like the water in a dam, rising day after day, but there will always be a day when the flood will be released. And this can only It takes a lifetime of guilt to make it clear. \”The most common thing that parents who love to cry about poverty are: If it weren\’t for you, would we be like this? If you don’t study hard or make money, are you worthy of us? The sense of self-sacrifice often easily causes parents to have the illusion that \”I am qualified\” and \”I am great\”, and this kind of self-degrading sacrifice often becomes a bargaining chip to \”kidnap\” children and make them obey themselves. , causing guilt. The parents are \”wronged\” and the children are \”grieved\”. This is precisely the most dangerous part of the parent-child relationship. 3. Give your children more spiritual wealth and nourish them with love. Huang Lei was once asked on a variety show about \”how to raise children.\” He expressed his views on parenting: \”You can raise children according to the conditions at home.\” , don’t be extravagant and wasteful. Our family is neither rich nor poor. Let her eat when she needs to eat, and go to school when she needs to.If you are too harsh on purpose, you won\’t condone it, just nurture it with love. \”As the saying goes, it is better to raise children with love than to raise them with poverty. Love is the greatest power in the world and the most gentle nourishment. When we give our children full love, companionship and respect, and awaken their inner motivation and courage, the child He will be very rich inside. He can do what he likes and become who he wants to be. As long as his heart is not poor, everything is possible in the future. Back to the question at the beginning, when my child asked: \”Mom, we are.\” Is this meal expensive? I would squat down and tell her solemnly: \”The meal we eat is the hard-earned salary of our parents. Therefore, we should eat happily and enjoy it now. Only after we finish eating will we be motivated.\” You study hard, your parents work hard, and we will work hard to make money together in the future, so that we can create a better life. \”Dear parents: If you want your children to be mentally fulfilled and spiritually rich, you must educate them with love and influence them with actions. Click \”Like\” and tell your children: Do what you like and become what you want to be. People. This is a happier thing than being a rich man.