Why is it that the more forbidden it is, the more children want it? The truth hurts my heart.

Some mothers said that almost every day when they open their eyes, they start to compete with their children. \”It\’s getting colder today, so come put on this coat!\” The child still liked the thin T-shirt he loved to wear, no matter how low the temperature dropped outside. \”Don\’t buy those spicy strips outside to eat!\” As a result, I eat them every chance I get. \”Don\’t scribble on the desk when doing your homework!\” But the drawings are horrible. …Nagging every day, but the child will still be in trouble. The result is that the child loses his temper in the end, and the child obeys the arrangement because he is afraid of being beaten. But it can only be managed for a while, and it will be like this again the next day. Sometimes it\’s like a game of cat and mouse. Both of us will be very tired. In the end, you will discover the truth: the more adults prohibit it, the more children want it. 2 The more you forbid it, the more I will show it to you. In the park near my home, there is an artificial creek filled with large and small stones. It has been a dry season recently and the water in the creek is very small. Children just love playing here. Every time Xiao Xiaoyu comes here, he says he wants to have an \”adventure\”. That day I met a little boy of about 4 years old and his sister of about 8 years old who were also playing there. The elder sister climbed over the big rocks, and the younger brother also struggled to climb over the big rocks. When the sister lay on the rocks and stretched water into the pool, the brother wanted to do the same. At this time, I reminded him not to do this because he might get stuck. But the little guy didn\’t believe it and imitated his sister. But the elder sister realized the danger, so she pulled her younger brother up and went to play other games. Later, my sister stepped on big rocks to cross the stream, and my brother also wanted to do it. He followed his sister cautiously. At this time, he might really fall into the water. Although the water is not deep, getting his clothes and shoes wet is still a problem. I shouted loudly, \”Go back quickly, go back, you can\’t get over here!\” But he excitedly wanted to continue walking, but the stone under his feet shook, and the little guy was too scared to move. At this time, he was in a dilemma, and his sister had no strength to help him. Later I went to the shore and picked him up. I thought, children are really alike! The same is true for Xiao Xiaoyu. What I don\’t let him do, he wants to do it even more, eager to show off his abilities. Perhaps our \”ban\” actually stimulated their fighting spirit and interest. It\’s more like a lure! 3Every child is eager to prove his abilities and gain attention. It is almost every little boy\’s wish to surpass his father. For example, young men especially like to show off their strength. I saw the big express box at home. I told Xiao Xiaoyu, \”You can\’t move it. You can\’t move it.\” I didn\’t expect him to move it. Fortunately, the books inside were not heavy. He moved a few steps, put it down and said to me, \”I must be strong!\” \”It\’s really good, but I\’d better give it a try next time. Don\’t do it too hard, or you might get hurt!\” But the next time, he would be like this again. Today I want to tell you about my classmates who can hug themselves. A few days later, he said he could carry his grandfather on his back. He also shouted that he would carry me on his back to prove that he was not telling lies and that he had such great strength. When we understand the psychological needs of children. You will know what to do and how to guide your children. Psychologist Adler proposed in his famous work \”Children\’s Personality Education\” that in addition to the unity of personality, another most important psychological fact of human nature is people\’s pursuit of superiority and success.Therefore, it is just a prohibition, but it does not understand the child\’s psychological motivations, nor does it allow the child to understand your thoughts. That kid will definitely not listen to you. Children who often break rules and confront teachers or parents. Often called \”problem children!\” In fact, they know very well what they are doing. And you can feel the superiority that doing so brings to you – gaining respect and attention. They just found the wrong way and did not get the positive affirmation from their parents and teachers. Because parents neglect and teachers punish, how can they listen to their parents and teachers? Even if you are eager to communicate, you will be stimulated by some harsh words, or you may simply close yourself and hide in the psychological safe house you have built. The final result is confrontation, misunderstanding, injury… 4. How to say \”no\” to children, I think is the most difficult. We have been setting rules and boundaries for our children. Children are actually always looking for boundaries from their parents. Once both parties find a point of convergence, enough is enough and they will not cross the line. The parent-child relationship will also be harmonious and peaceful. I would like to give you 3 suggestions: First, parents should reflect on their own concepts, behaviors and tone. Because parents’ expectations and children’s expectations may not always be consistent. Why is it easier to take care of children when they are young? Because children will obey their parents\’ arrangements, which is in line with their parents\’ expectations. But after the children have their own ideas and awaken their self-awareness, they will move in the direction they identify. Conflicts arise between parents and children, like a game of power. Sometimes I talk to my children about various \”forbidden\” things. Using parents\’ authority or rules to directly prohibit children can sometimes achieve good disciplinary effects. The child will appear well-behaved and sensible, and it will save you worry and effort. But such \”prohibitions\” cannot really help children develop good habits. Not to mention making children self-disciplined. Some psychoanalysts say that children need to experience several real \”rebellions\” before they can truly grow up. And the final result was actually established at the beginning. For example, when a child is one or two years old, the way his parents communicate and get along with him has already determined his future path. If parents can reflect on themselves and give their children an atmosphere of democracy and freedom, instead of blindly demanding obedience from their children. The so-called \”rebellion\” will only be an expression of individuality and will not become a trigger for parent-child confrontation. 2. Whenever, parents should stand from the child\’s perspective to understand the child\’s behavior. For example, when the child is noisy, and you shout loudly: \”Stop crying! Stop making noise!\” Maybe the child will cry louder. Why not shift the focus away from the loudness of your child\’s cries or the rush to suppress your child\’s emotions. Instead, calm down and analyze why the child is crying. They may be bored or uncomfortable. Or maybe a small move just made him angry, but the adults didn\’t even see it. For example, sometimes you pour out the little bit of drink left in your child\’s cup without asking him. They will angrily ask for it from you. You think it doesn\’t matter, but maybe he wants to taste it slowly. We just have too many self-righteous parents who think they can replace their children\’s emotions and thoughts. 3. Give children a positive guidance instead of negative hints. Say no to your childrenWhen doing something, you might as well tell your children what they can do. Because when you say no or no, the child may hear the following words, and the word \”no\” is automatically filtered. For example, a child over one year old will sometimes reach out and hit someone. Sometimes they may just want to say hello, sometimes they may want to fight over something. The parents quickly shouted, \”No hitting!\” The child happily beat him. Sometimes, when a child over one year old holds your cup and you shout anxiously, \”Don\’t throw it away! Be careful!\” maybe the child will throw the cup down. He thinks this is fun and can see you looking anxious. These \”nos\” are actually negative hints. It\’s like telling a child to do this. 5. When there is a problem with a child\’s behavior, don\’t hold on to it and force the child to change or obey. You might as well take a closer look at the cause of this problem. Because many of children\’s problems are caused by their parents. If parents can pay attention to their children\’s inner needs and respect their children\’s own ideas. Be able to manage your own emotions and talk to your children calmly. Be able to spend time with your children and listen to them. When parents do a good job, their children\’s problems disappear. The development of good habits does not rely on suppression, but relies on parents\’ words and deeds, which requires time and accumulation. And true self-discipline is based on mutual trust and respect.