Why not play with your phone in front of your children? What this dad said is thought-provoking

My daughter is in the second grade of junior high school this year. She took the monthly exam for the first time and her grades dropped significantly. The class teacher talked to the child\’s mother once and said that if she didn\’t act fast and continued to fall behind, there would probably be problems in the high school entrance examination. To be honest, I have read a lot of books on education and child psychology, and I have always had a slow-down attitude towards my daughter\’s learning, with very little anxiety. But now when I look at my daughter’s report card, I can’t help but start to worry. All along, as a father, I consider myself to be quite qualified. Not only is he not the kind of father who just slumps on the sofa when he comes home and doesn\’t care about anything, he will often accompany his daughter and pay great attention to cultivating her daughter\’s various habits. In terms of daily life, she also took good care of her, so I was a little confused about what went wrong. I wanted to talk to my daughter, but she said impatiently: \”I don\’t think studying is interesting.\” \”What exactly?\” \”I can\’t calm down and get bored when I read a book.\” At this time, her mother and I were completely at a loss. . A few days later, the child’s mother showed me her daughter’s composition. After reading the content, I was both angry and confused. In my daughter\’s composition, I am an \”absent father\” who has no self-discipline, checks his cell phone all the time, and pays little attention to her. I really wonder, I think I have done a good job, why do I have this image in her eyes? But I don’t know why, but I vaguely felt that my daughter’s learning problems might have something to do with me… It happened to be the weekend, and I sent my daughter to tennis lessons. I didn’t know what to talk to her along the way. Just open the audio software on your phone and get ready to listen. Unexpectedly, my daughter in the back seat suddenly became irritable: \”It\’s so noisy! Can you turn it off!\” I was about to retort, but seeing that her expression was not good, I said nothing more. After arriving at the gym, my daughter and her classmates were training inside, and I was idle outside, just checking my phone. I heard several mothers nearby talking about their children. I never paid attention to this before, but today I really want to hear it. But even as a grown man, I couldn’t just approach him, so I pretended to check my phone and stretched out my ears. I happened to hear a mother say that her son always said that she had a bad temper and didn\’t speak well. Once she looked at the surveillance camera at home and realized that it was really her problem. She saw from the video that when she talked to her children, she always used a negative and attacking tone, her tone was not good, and she got angry at every turn. When I heard it, I thought this method was good. After returning home that day, she discussed with her mother and put a camera in the living room. I originally wanted to see what was wrong with my daughter, but unexpectedly, the problem turned out to be me… The following is my observation record: 07:00 Our family of three had breakfast. While I was eating breakfast, I checked my phone for a while. My daughter opened her mouth to say something to me, but when she saw me staring at my phone, she closed her mouth. 12:10 My daughter and I walked in together. When I was changing my shoes, I casually glanced at my phone. The daughter behind me was telling me that she was criticized by the teacher today. I responded to her perfunctorily while looking at my phone. When my daughter saw that I was not paying attention, she turned around and went back to the bedroom angrily. After dinner at 19:00, I checked my circle of friends and asked my daughter to do her homework well. When my daughter walked to the bedroom, I was still sitting at the dining table scrolling on the screen. My daughter turned her head and looked at me, mercilessly.Reluctantly, he dragged his steps back to the bedroom. At 21:00, the child’s mother came back from a run and asked me if I had brought in the fruit for my daughter. I quickly picked up my phone, cut up the fruit and brought it to my daughter. It turned out that my daughter was not in the bedroom at all. After her mother and I looked at each other, we walked towards the bathroom knowingly. Sure enough, my daughter was in there! The camera showed that my daughter came out once around eight o\’clock, and I pretended to take a book to cover up the fact that I was playing with my mobile phone. But judging from the video, my daughter had already seen it. She turned to the master bedroom, took her cell phone, and went to the bathroom to squat for an hour. The problem is, when my daughter does these things, I don’t even notice! After watching the video, I looked at her mother with embarrassment and was afraid to speak. In fact, my mother and I have talked many times before about playing with mobile phones in front of my children. But I always felt that she was making a fuss out of a molehill. I wasn’t obsessed with scrolling through my phone, I just looked at it casually. Now it seems that if you don’t listen to your wife, you will suffer the consequences later, really! So right! Based on this observation, I discovered that the seemingly careless browsing of mobile phones is actually similar to being addicted to playing with mobile phones. When I was swiping, I always felt like I was just taking a glance, but as soon as I took out my phone, dozens of minutes passed. This kind of behavior brings a lot of long-term harm to children. I have summarized the following: 1. Not paying enough attention to children. This kind of behavior will make it difficult for parents to focus on what their children say when communicating with them, thus making children feel If they are treated poorly and disrespected, over time, children will naturally be unwilling to share more with adults. 2. Setting a wrong example In the information society, mobile phones are an indispensable tool. But when I regard it as my only pastime, I am actually making my daughter think that the only way to relax and rest is to scroll through my mobile phone. 3. It hurts the parent-child relationship. Although I have been accompanying my daughter at home, the quality of my companionship is actually not high. As the child\’s mother said, people are by her daughter\’s side, but her heart is on her mobile phone. So you see, parents can\’t help but check their mobile phones in front of their children. This subconscious habit, in a subtle way, ultimately affects their children\’s behavioral habits. But as an old father who listens to advice, in the face of the truth revealed by surveillance, and after another heart-to-heart communication with the child’s mother, I decided to make a change. I first borrowed the three R\’s method of correcting mistakes from an educational book and invited my daughter to participate in this change action with me. Admit – \”I\’m sorry, Dad realized he made a mistake.\” Reconciliation – \”Dad apologizes to you first, I hope you can accept it and help me.\” Solve – \”Let\’s solve this problem together.\” Look at me Although my daughter felt a little surprised by saying this, under the sincere and sincere eyes of her old father (mainly because I agreed to take her to play during the holidays), she gradually lowered her guard. I decided to solve the problem by using the method of Zhihu netizen @林有声 \”Peerless Beauty\”: never – to put an end to the habit of playing with mobile phones in front of children. I decided to \”kill myself\” first! You can read it on your mobile phone, but only when you have important information or need to work. I also specifically communicated with my daughter: \”The mobile phone is just a tool for us, we cannot let it dominate our lives.\” Put it down.After using my mobile phone, I discovered that a new world has opened up. Take tennis lessons with my daughter as an example. She used to attend the lessons while I checked my phone. Now I focus on watching her train. Under my attention, my daughter\’s enthusiasm for class has become much higher, she understands more about her daughter, and we have many more common topics. Generation – the way to change a habit is to replace it with a better habit. I later observed that my daughter often went to the toilet to secretly browse her mobile phone, which was actually influenced by me. When she was young, I often handed my daughter over to her mother and then went to the toilet with my cell phone. I used to squat in the toilet with my mobile phone for an endless amount of time, and now my daughter is following suit and treating the toilet as a \”shelter.\” well! Now, I will accompany my daughter to find new ways to relax, such as watching movies, hiking, cycling, playing ball… Now my daughter and I have a much closer relationship. The bigger gain is that my relationship with my wife has also improved a lot. The relationship between parents and children and between husband and wife have improved, and the atmosphere in the whole family has become much more harmonious. Jia – The best way to solve learning problems is to first solve the emotional and psychological problems. After solving my problem and the parent-child relationship, my next plan is to solve my daughter\’s learning problems. But the strange thing is that before I started making plans to help my daughter study, her class teacher gave us good news. She said that her daughter has been paying a lot more attention to class recently and has done well in her homework after class. She asked us to encourage her to keep up the good work. I did some research with the mother of the child, and I think it may be that I have recently put down my mobile phone and paid more attention to her emotions and psychology, so my daughter\’s state has also changed. Generally speaking, after the energy of our entire family has improved, it has also given our daughter a lot of positive energy, so her enthusiasm and enthusiasm for learning have also improved a lot. People – Borrowing the power of role models There is a point put forward in \”Motivational Psychology\” that motivation drives behavior. After reading this book, I realized a problem that had been ignored: I couldn\’t control my desire to look at my mobile phone. The fundamental reason behind it was a sense of meaninglessness in life after middle age. To put it bluntly, I am getting older and have nothing to pursue anymore, so I just spend time on my mobile phone. This is in line with what my daughter said at the beginning. She didn\’t just casually say that studying was meaningless. She really felt that studying was meaningless. The actions I made subconsciously also affected my daughter invisibly. Later, I had a conversation with my daughter: \”Dad used to think that I was already in my teens and had nothing to pursue. But recently I was infected by your enthusiasm for learning, and I decided to rekindle my fighting spirit and make every day a success.\” It’s a meaningful life.” My daughter couldn’t help but nod after I praised her. But just having ambitions and no goals is not enough. Some sense of ritual is still necessary. My daughter said before that she liked Zheng Qinwen, so I watched Zheng Qinwen’s game videos with her and posted Zheng Qinwen’s photo on her bedside. With the encouragement of my daughter, I myself picked up the pen again and started writing. You see, originally I wanted to be a role model for my daughter, but I didn’t expect that my daughter would become my role model in the end. Let’s talk about the latest development. The relationship between our family of three has become much closer to each other. Now my daughter’s study status is much better, althoughHowever, occasionally when I feel stressed, I will hide in the toilet and check my phone for a while. But I made an agreement with the child’s mother and occasionally turned a blind eye. Take her behavior of playing with her mobile phone as a signal of her real need to \”stress and be in a bad mood\” to us. Then find a better way to help her relieve stress and give her the sense of security and love from her family. I myself am the same. Occasionally I can\’t help but check my mobile phone and she finds out, so I spend the weekend playing ball with her as a \”punishment\”. After this period of time, I finally figured it out: parents can\’t help but play with their mobile phones in front of their children. On the surface, it doesn\’t seem like a big deal. At most, it just sets a bad example for their children. But looking at a deeper level, the impact is on the child\’s life. Finally, I hope that every parent who can\’t control their mobile phones in front of their children can be aware of their own problems, control their desires, pay more attention to their children\’s real needs, and make both their children and us better and better…