Why should children be less suppressed and more encouraged?

If you ask: What is the most crazy thing about children that drives parents crazy? In all likelihood, parents will answer: Resist! If we want to give a vivid description of children\’s resistance, it would be: arguing fiercely with their parents, confronting their parents indifferently, not telling the truth to their parents, and being perfunctory with their parents. Faced with their children\’s resistance, some parents choose to beat and scold them. But hitting and scolding is like digging a hole in the parent-child relationship; the more times you hit and scold, the deeper the hole becomes until it turns into an abyss! As the saying goes, \”It is easier to dig a hole than to fill it.\” The physical and verbal violence committed by parents may be deeply engraved in the hearts of children and will not be forgotten for a long time. Children who have been criticized and accused by their parents all the time will either be learned helpless when they grow up and become what people call \”wimps\”; or they will be a tinderbox that explodes when they hear someone say something unpleasant. On the surface, the cause of his anger is his colleagues or friends, but behind the scenes, it is his parents, and they are haunting and appear at any time. In other words, it may be something a friend or colleague said, a look, or an action that reminded him of the way his parents criticized him. In psychology, this phenomenon is called empathy. Every day we live with the experience of empathy, also called “unfinished business.” The so-called \”unfinished business\” refers to the continuation of a person\’s love and hate for important others in his life. Therefore, for the sake of the future health and happiness of our children, we should not get angry quickly when facing resistance. Try to think about it from the child\’s perspective: Why does he resist? Children\’s bedtime stories: Frozen story picture book pdf English version, 8 volumes in total. The first period of resistance allows children to establish self-awareness. Children\’s growth will generally go through two periods of resistance. The first period of resistance occurs between the ages of 3 and 5, which is the budding and development stage of children\’s self-awareness. At this stage, children\’s speech development is close to 80% of adults\’ speech expression ability, and they can fully express their wishes, especially their dissatisfaction. The words he said the most were: \”No, no, no,\” \”I don\’t want,\” \”I won\’t go,\” \”Dad is bad,\” \”Mom is bad.\” Children want to realize their own will and long for the understanding, acceptance, care and support of their parents. At this time, I hope to participate in adult activities and do things that adults do; I hope to be praised by my parents, and I don’t like to listen to their criticism. At this stage, children\’s cognitive development has also improved significantly, reaching 60% of adult intelligence. You will find that your children become very playful and actually have little plans. He is accumulating his own psychological resources and building self-awareness. Of course, parents can no longer simply say \”no\” when faced with their children\’s demands. When faced with children who hide cute little secrets and often raise objections, parents must look at them dialectically. If a child cannot express himself freely and bravely at home, he will be very useless in society in the future. The so-called society refers to kindergartens, primary schools, middle schools, universities and even the workplace. Just imagine, if a child feels depressed at home, can he become more assertive when he goes outside? If it becomes hard, it will be vindictive, that is, if the family cannot satisfy it, it will go outside to seek compensation. This is how a lot of school bullying comes about these days. How should parents help children who are in the first stage of resistance grow up? Let the child give the reason for rejection: For example, the child says: \”I don\’t want to get up, don\’t want to eat, don\’t want to go to kindergarten!\” Parents cannot simply say \”you have to do it\”, because this is an ineffective communication and does not understand the child at all, and the child does not listen to you. You can try saying something like this: \”You don\’t want to go to kindergarten, right? Then tell mom the reason why you don\’t want to go.\” Whether it\’s acting coquettishly or acting wildly, or having stomachache or leg pain, children can ask their parents to ask for leave on their behalf, but the reason must be sufficient, otherwise it will Gotta go to school, that\’s the sense of rules. Explain to children the reasons for setting rules: For example, parents should tell their children: Get up at 7 a.m. because we are going to kindergarten. This was agreed upon early in the morning, so the whole family must work together to achieve it. You can use more affirmations and praises to guide so that children can learn to cooperate. Let children express their inner feelings: Parents should guide their children to express their inner feelings, listen carefully, and give emotional responses in a timely manner. For example, if a child says: \”I don\’t want to go to kindergarten, I\’m afraid!\” parents can encourage the child to talk about what he is afraid of. \”Little Tom pulls my pigtails and puts bugs on my table every day!\” If this is the case, then if the parents suppress the child\’s \”resistance\” and force her to go to kindergarten, isn\’t it equivalent to allowing her to be abused? It is necessary to communicate with the teacher to solve the problem and eliminate the child\’s inner worries and fears before sending her to kindergarten. For another example, although the child did not say anything, it was obvious that he was unhappy. At this time, parents should encourage him to express his feelings and provide some comfort, such as \”My child, you are wronged, mom (dad) hugs you.\” This will consolidate the parent-child relationship. In short, at this stage, parents should communicate more with their children and allow them to fully express their feelings and realize their own will. Only in this way can he behave in unfavorable circumstances without being timid or entangled. Because children will definitely encounter some kind of unhappiness in the future, such as being unwelcome by teachers, being ignored by classmates, or even being bullied. Only children who have been respected by their parents since childhood and know that they are important and independent will have enough psychological capital to be positive. response. The second period of resistance, cultivating children\’s self-confidence. The second period of resistance probably occurs when children are 12 to 18 years old, which is what we often call \”adolescence.\” At this stage, he will go through a storm of changes. Achieving self-development requires more autonomy and respect from parents. The child\’s resistance shows that he has his own opinion. Parents can no longer rely on \”one slap and three roars\” to suppress their children. So, what should parents do? Give your child the right to speak and let him finish what he says: for example, if a child says he doesn\’t want to take an exam, parents should not directly refute it, but let him complain first. If you think about it, we often feel tired and annoyed when we go to work. When we encounter weird bosses and colleagues, we may even have the idea of ​​​​resigning. Although it is advocated to find joy in learning, learning knowledge for the purpose of examination is still a chore. The child is extremely tired and bored. If you don’t even give him the right to complain, then shouldn’t he explode? Will he not even go to school in a fit of anger? If parents can empathize with their children and understand their children\’s situation, their children\’s emotions will be much more stable. In fact, most adolescent children say they don’t want to go to school or take exams, but they still go to school the next day. This is whyThe power of solution. Give children the right to make decisions and let them participate in decision-making: for example, which school the child will go to, where to go on vacation, how to decorate the room, parents need to make decisions together with their adolescent children. This is called collegiality, just like a doctor\’s consultation. Children who participate in decision-making will feel respected and learn to make their own decisions. The sooner parents delegate authority, the sooner children will become independent. This is also how parents cultivate their children\’s ability to work. Some parents usually take care of everything for their children and never let their children make the decision. When their children reach the age of 18, they suddenly say: \”You are 18 years old and you are an adult now. You can decide everything by yourself.\” But the child said: \”I used to Nothing you say is right, nothing you do is right, now I am in charge of my own affairs, you have not given me any on-the-job training!\” Give children the right to judge and allow them to comment on right and wrong: some fathers easily overshadow their children\’s opinions. Deny, ridicule, and always say: \”What are you doing? I think I did much better than you, dad!\” The child cannot hold his head up in front of his father, and he will also be unable to hold his head up in front of his father in the future when facing authority figures such as teachers and leaders. Submissive. Because he does not have the opportunity to express independently and confidently. In this regard, we can learn from what Lu You did. Lu You\’s youngest son is called Lu Ziyu. He has been smart and studious since he was a child. What\’s even more valuable is that he has his own opinions on politics, and he always talks endlessly about political affairs. In this regard, Lu You did not use his father\’s authority to suppress his son, but encouraged him with appreciation. He wrote in \”Shi\’er\”: My son\’s comments on how to deal with the chaos from the sidelines always made me wild with joy. No need to drink, just get drunk, pick up the calligraphy and make a sound. As the saying goes: When his son talks about current affairs, his enlightened father fully supports it. There is no need to drink to make people drunk. Father and son can gain new knowledge through harmony. Lu You praised his son in such a way, which made him independent and confident since he was a child. Eventually, he rose to the rank of Minister of the Ministry of Personnel and Doctor of Zhongfeng, living up to his father\’s cultivation. In short, in the face of children\’s resistance, parents should respect, understand, encourage and support their children more. Only in this way can we help children build self-awareness, have the ability to think independently, and develop a confident personality. Self-confidence, including self-esteem, self-love and self-efficacy, is related to the development of children throughout their lives.