Why were children in the past beaten every day but not prone to psychological problems? This article explains it very thoroughly (recommended to bookmark it)

Carefree children are the most enviable, as if they are the happiest people in the world. But in fact, I am in a dilemma, indecisive, worried about gains and losses, and always waver in the entanglement every day, wasting my time, and in the end I blame myself and regret in the end. This kind of psychological internal friction is not only experienced by adults, but also by many children, which even leads to a series of physical and mental problems. Many studies have shown that chronic stress caused by psychological internal friction, if allowed to ferment for a long time, will not only cause children to lack motivation to study, lose interest in life, and become anxious when encountering problems… it will even cause huge inner distress, causing irritability and disgust. , decadence, depression and other physical and mental diseases. \”Spiritual internal friction\” has become a problem that cannot be ignored in the growth of children. Children with good grades are busy studying and children with poor grades are busy with internal consumption. The human brain is a machine that runs 24 hours a day. Whenever we think, millions of neurons in the brain are running non-stop, transmitting information and instructions to various parts of the body. And a child who has been trapped in mental internal friction for a long time has too many inner voices and thoughts, and is always engaged in large-scale battles. Just like a driver, one foot steps on the accelerator and the other foot applies the brake. Continuous pulling will only continue to consume energy. No matter how you drive, the car will always stagnate and cannot reach the end. What should I do if I don’t hurry up with my homework and get scolded, but I can’t control my desire to play games? I know that exercise is important, but I can’t get enough energy to do it, and I’m always struggling in my heart. I made a plan, but I just didn’t have the motivation to execute it, and I wasted every day in shame. Should I tell you if I failed the test this time? Not only did I feel guilty, but I was afraid that my parents would be upset. What are the students talking about? Are you making fun of my new hair style? Did I say something wrong? …So some people say, \”Children with good grades are busy studying, while children with bad grades are busy internally.\” This is not true at all. A child with a firm mind and an undistracted mind will first think about \”how to solve\” a problem, while a child with a lot of negative emotions will say \”it\’s so difficult, so annoying, and so tired\” before taking action. Bad emotions control their brains and consume unnecessary energy. The more entangled, the more anxious, and the more internal friction. When all your energy is consumed by inner battles, you naturally don’t have the energy to focus on studying anymore. Poor learning will lead to children\’s inner resistance to learning, boredom and lack of motivation, and naturally they will not be able to learn. If things go on like this, it will be a vicious circle, and learning will only get worse and worse. Thinking more, doing less, even though you are not doing much, your brain is always operating at full capacity, which consumes not only your own energy, but more importantly, your enthusiasm for life. We see many children who are lifeless, decadent and lackadaisical at a young age. Most of them are children who have been suffering from \”spiritual internal friction\” for a long time. The following common manifestations are: (1) Procrastination in doing things: Instead of completing tasks quickly, they spend more time struggling with \”Should I do it now? Or wait a little longer?\” The consequence of procrastination is low efficiency. (2) Lack of energy: Not very interested in anything and often feel tired and boring. (3) Indecisive: longing for change, but afraid of change, wasting energy on hesitating before making a decisionCentered. (4) Weak driving force: The sense of goal is not strong, things often end halfway, and you want to give up before you even start. (5) Sensitive and fragile: Glass-hearted, caring too much about other people’s opinions, often overthinking, causing unnecessary troubles. The reason for these phenomena is unexpected – a perfect growing environment is the biggest obstacle to healthy growth! The more perfect the environment, the more likely children are to be vulnerable. There was once a topic on Zhihu that discussed \”Why were children in the past beaten every day but not prone to psychological problems?\” The converse question is, \”Today\’s children have superior material conditions and are highly valued and respected. Care, but frequent psychological problems?” Thousands of answers, summarized as follows: “Although children in the past were scolded and beaten, they had many emotional outlets. In addition to studying, their lives also included laundry, cooking, and care. Younger brothers and sisters, running around like crazy outside…\” Some experts have done similar research and found that rural children are less likely to nibble on their elders and have fewer emotional problems. On the contrary, it is children from middle-class families who have the most problems. They have the most age-biting phenomenon and have many emotional problems. They have become the \”new customers\” of psychological clinics. Two seemingly unrelated things are actually inextricably linked. Most children in rural areas come from poor families. They have to shoulder the responsibility of sharing housework at a young age, and even drop out of school early to work to earn money to support their families. The communication between parents and their children is also simple and crude. They give a candy when they are happy and give them a beating when they are unhappy. There are not many convoluted principles, only the most realistic survival science. But in this seemingly \”free range\” growth environment, rural children have a wider space for freedom. They run wild in the mountains and fields when they are happy, and they run wild in the mountains and fields when they are unhappy. They have an outlet to release their emotions, and their desire for exploration and Curiosity can also be used freely and will not be hindered by many \”consequence theories\”. Struggling for survival, they only have responsibilities on their shoulders, and their brains have no chance to be immersed in emotions for a long time. But on the other hand, middle-class families with better family conditions are less than adequate and more than adequate, but they have the most limited space for their children. They are usually high-intellectual families. Parents are most concerned about how to make their children \”live better\”, so they spare no effort in their children\’s growth. They take care of everything, from eating and drinking to schools, interest classes, making friends, and traveling… …I can’t wait to help my children arrange everything. Little do they know that under this airtight coercion, children have no place to breathe, their personal space and space for exploration are squeezed to the extreme, and their suppressed emotions have nowhere to release, and they are most likely to go to extremes when encountering problems. This kind of parents also feel that they have been wronged. We are very caring, do not hit or scold, and explain the truth carefully, why are the children so fragile in the end, and will die if they are not satisfied at all. The answer is precisely because, under parents’ excessive attention, children are bound by numerous “consequence theories”. Since childhood, they have been judged by their parents using various standards of \”should think\” and have been constantly denied. They are afraid of making mistakes and feel uneasy when faced with choices. When encountering slight problems and setbacks, they are prone to slump, get into trouble, and fall into serious \”physical and mental problems\”. Internal friction\”. Children who grow up \”parasitized\” under the umbrella of their parents for a long time have almost zero ability to survive. What they can see and feel is single andA narrow experience. Their mode of dealing with the world is \”parents\’ theory\”, using their parents\’ judgment as the boundary and their parents\’ preferences as the standard. When they grow up, they find that they cannot meet their parents\’ standards, lose their goals, and are afraid of facing challenges. They are most likely to give up on themselves and become \”chewing old people\”. They have no extra energy to deal with problems because their energy is focused on emotional exhaustion. Travel light: Stop internal friction and do useful things. The core of mental internal friction is negative beliefs about oneself, which leads to overthinking. If we want our children to be able to cope with life optimistically, we must first help them unload their burdens and travel lightly. 1. Let go and take risks to create a sense of relaxation. Swedish and Norwegian scientists once divided salmon into three groups and conducted an experiment. The first group: placed in a tank with predator cod, these small salmon coexist with risks and need to avoid cod attacks and predation; the second group: are also placed in a tank with cod, but the key difference is, There is a transparent net that isolates the cod to one side. Young salmon can see their deadly enemies and feel how their movements stir up waves around them, but they won\’t be eaten. The third group: were placed in ordinary tanks without any predators, and the salmon could live happily. Experiments showed that the first and second groups of salmon became smarter in the face of danger, and they also evolved different strategies to deal with risks. But the third group of fish was much worse, either overreacting or not responding at all. Scientists call this latter lack of reaction physiological stress, which is the state of sluggishness or panic attack after being frightened. When danger comes, their brains no longer have the energy to think about how to escape the predicament, but are trapped in fear and unable to extricate themselves. Looking back, our children\’s problems were strikingly similar to the salmon from the third group. Research shows that when we do complex, experiential things, the brain\’s neurons grow in an orderly manner. If you do a single thing for a long time, the neurons in your brain will degenerate and your ability to cope with emotions will be very weak. This is just like the \”hygiene hypothesis\” proposed by British epidemiologist David Strachan 30 years ago: in an environment that is too clean, because there is no invasion of foreign pathogens, the human immune system will turn internally to attack itself. The body mistakes normal tissue for pathogens. As living conditions get better, the prevalence of autoimmune diseases such as lupus and Crohn’s disease increases. Therefore, he believes that it is beneficial to protect themselves by taking risks to be exposed to danger. This can help them develop self-defense mechanisms, improve their ability to face danger, and prevent depression caused by excessive consciousness. Most of the children in the \”third group of salmon\” grew up in a greenhouse, had never experienced wind and rain, and did not need to think about survival issues, so they spent too much energy on dealing with and controlling inner entanglements, so that there was no extra energy to cope with external events. Long-term \”emotional stress\” causes them to consume unnecessary energy day after day in their lives. How to help children get out of \”spiritual internal friction\”? The best way is to let him go and let him try, take risks and explore as he did before he was 3 years old.So. Why do children before the age of 3 always have a passion for the world? They are like a perpetual motion machine every day, climbing up and down, jumping up and down, building blocks, putting together puzzles, tinkering with bottles and jars at home, and playing house with you all the time. , go out to ride bikes, go on slides, move rocks, watch ants move… At this time, they are not bound by the collective rules of family, school, and society. Their hearts are relaxed, their bodies and minds are free, and they have free time and energy. They are all immersed in what they are interested in, are in a state of flow every day, and are growing very fast. The freer you are, the more relaxed you are, the more vigorous you are, the more you grow. Therefore, let go and give your children more choices in life, allowing them to experience, fall and climb up in the ups and downs of life. A strong heart is never watered in a greenhouse, but is tempered in the fight against wind and rain! 2. Feel \”needed\” and give a sense of value. Dr. Michael Thompson, a famous American child psychologist and expert on adolescent issues, once said: Today\’s children have everything, but they lack the most important thing-a sense of value. In the past, life was difficult. Everyone had to take on household chores, take care of younger siblings, and work to support the family. Everyone was needed. But now the children have no worries about food and clothing, and everything in their lives is arranged. The most common thing I hear is \”your task is to study hard\”, as if they are useless except for studying. But there is only one first place, but there are thousands of people who fail to take the first place. Children who are unable to achieve the results their parents want are prone to depression and frustration. Without studying, they will no longer be able to find other goals, let alone feel \”needed\”, and over time they will lose their sense of value in life. The best way to build children\’s inner sense of value is to give them more opportunities to contribute. For example, participating in daily affairs at home, such as sharing housework, taking care of younger siblings, raising pets, assisting with family shopping, building flowers and plants, and making family plans, and gain a sense of control over life through participation; you can also participate in various outdoor training camps and follow Partners set up tents, camp, climb trees, and climb rocks together, and feel the sense of personal accomplishment of being needed by the collective through mutual assistance. This feeling of \”I am doing things, I have learned skills, and I have won everyone\’s recognition.\” will allow children to experience their \”live self\” and feel the real touch of life. When psychological energy is focused on specific small things, emotional fluctuations will decrease, and the vicious circle of internal friction will gradually shrink. 3. Stop unnecessary attacks and establish a safe backing. Parental love is like the tide, but \”water can carry a boat, but it can also overturn it.\” Parents are always afraid that something will go wrong in their children\’s lives, so they try their best to protect their children; as everyone knows, if there are too many people rushing to row a boat, the boat will not be able to sail. A senior high school student once complained to the school\’s psychological counselor: \”I am just like rowing against the current. It is already very difficult to cope with studying alone. My parents jumped from the shore to the boat again, saying they would help me row the boat, but they couldn\’t.\” The boat capsized as soon as they got on board.\” Ichiro Kishimi wrote in \”The Courage to Not Discipline\”: \”Parents cannot live for their children, but they can help their children have the courage to face life bravely.\” To help think. Overweight children lose weightTo reduce consumption, parents need to learn to \”shut up\”, quit the constant nagging, and stop inputting too much information to their children. Transfer the right to speak to your child and listen carefully to what your child has to say. The purpose of listening is to give children a channel to release, and it is also to let children feel the existence of Dinghai Shenzhen. \”No matter what I look like, I will be accepted.\” This sense of certainty is a reassurance to resist internal friction. A child who is accepted and empathized has more connections with the world. When the negative energy pulls him down, he can feel a strong hand pulling him back to safety and love. Area. Joe Kabat-Zinn, the founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction therapy, once said: \”You can\’t calm the waves, but you can learn to surf.\” It\’s not scary to have emotions. You can solve them by staying with your children and facing difficulties.