Will holding a child spoil the child? If you believe it, you\’ll be stupid

I went out for a walk a few days ago and saw something like this. A little girl hugged her mother\’s leg, crying and calling \”Mom, Mom\”. But the little girl\’s mother kept breaking her hand: \”Don\’t you have any legs? You have to walk by yourself, I won\’t hug you!\” When the little girl saw that her mother refused to hug her, she first kept stamping her feet, and then she just sat on the ground and cried. . When her mother saw her child like this, she was so angry that she turned around and left, saying, \”I won\’t tolerate your bad habits!\” When the little girl saw that her mother not only ignored her but also left, she simply lay down On the ground, let go of your voice and cry, kicking your legs while crying. At this time, the girl\’s mother had no choice but to come back, pull her up from the ground, and drag her away. Mothers have different opinions on this kind of thing: Some mothers think that this mother is so cruel, she can bear the child crying like that, and she wants me to hold the child. Some mothers believe that children cannot be tolerated and cannot be threatened by their cries. If you compromise this time, it will be difficult to cure next time. I just don’t understand. The child wants his mother to hold him, but he is tired and wants to see what his mother can see. Otherwise, he misses his mother’s arms. How can it become a threat? Holding your kids won’t spoil them! Many mothers worry that they are spoiling their children by always holding them in their arms. What should they do? A few years ago, there was indeed a popular saying in the United States: don’t hug children when they cry, and then hug them when they stop crying. In this way, the child will not use crying to control his parents, nor will he be spoiled. However, this theory has been overturned in recent years! A large number of tracking experiments have proven that failure to pick up and comfort children in time when they cry is likely to cause defects in the child\’s physical development, intelligence and personality. Dr. William Sears, author of the book \”Sears\’ Encyclopedia of Intimacy Parenting\” and a famous American pediatrician, believes: \”Children must go through a period of being cared for, loved, and have someone to rely on before they can grow into a secure child. , independent people.\” Therefore, it is nonsense to say that holding children too much will spoil them. On the contrary, it is beneficial to hug your children more and have skin-to-skin contact with them. Establish children\’s sense of security. Many parents hope that their children will have a strong body and a smart mind, and hope that their children can grow up safely. But not many parents have noticed that all of the above are not as important as establishing a sense of security for their children. Children between 0 and 18 months are completely dependent on their parents for survival. Without the care of their parents, they are likely to die. In the 1940s and 1950s, when neonatal mortality was high, some doctors suggested that newborns should be held by their mothers as much as possible. After this proposal was implemented, the neonatal mortality rate slowly declined. It can be seen how important a hug from a mother is to a child. Children aged 0 to 18 months cannot use language to express their thoughts and needs correctly. Therefore, they need to cry to attract the attention of their parents and tell them whether they are hungry, sick, or need their parents\’ company. At this time, if parents go over to hug their children in time and respond to their needs, they can be sure that \”Mom and Dad will never let me go.\”\”. As a result, they can trust their parents and the world, and a sense of security is established. If parents do not respond in time, the children will not be sure whether their needs will be noticed, and whether they will fall into \” At this time, children will feel confused and insecure about the world, so they can only use more crying to attract their parents\’ attention. If parents still insist on \”don\’t spoil their children\”, This vicious cycle will only continue. Just like the little girl at the beginning of the article, she may be tired, she may be frightened, or she may simply want to act coquettishly in her mother\’s arms. But her mother\’s repeated refusal makes her She felt that she had been abandoned by her mother. In fact, her mother really did this. I can say that the moment she saw her mother open her fingers and turn away, the little girl really thought that her mother did not want her. Therefore, she could only express her needs by crying more intensely. We all hope that our children can behave and be polite, but for such a young child, love and security are far more important than being sensible. Therefore, the next time you are faced with the two options of establishing a sense of security and establishing rules for your children, it is better to choose a sense of security. After all, rules without love are just a pair of cold handcuffs.