Will I have a second or third child? The difference is really not just money.

In recent years, the second/third child policy has been liberalized, and many friends around me have begun to plan to have a second child, and are even preparing for a third child. Some mothers also left messages and said to me: They want to struggle with it for a while, but they are afraid that it will be difficult to have children in a few years as they get older. \”To live or not to live\”, this seems to be the question of now or never. I would like to share my opinion with you through today\’s article. Let’s start with a question – everyone must be familiar with our three classic Chinese blind date questions: Do you have a house? Have a car? Have money? It seems that after asking these three questions, you can have one foot in the marriage boat. But the real premise is easy to miss: Do you like this person? If you don\’t like it, no matter how good the conditions are, it\’s just okay. If you like it, you can accept it even if the conditions are worse. In future marriages, it will be easier to tolerate each other\’s bumps and bruises. In the same way, before considering having a second child, many enthusiastic people may also ask you: Do you have money? Do you have time? Is there anyone who can help? As soon as I thought about it and found that I had all three, I rushed to have another child. However, I have met many parents who regretted giving birth. That may be because they reversed the order of objective conditions and subjective wishes. The various possible discomforts during pregnancy, the ten-level pain during childbirth, the hardship of breastfeeding, the energy occupied by accompanying the child, and the collapse of not being able to sleep for about two years, it is difficult for anyone else to replace these. So I think the real premise (and ultimate question) of having a second child is: Do we want another child? In the same way as a blind date, all external conditions cannot compare to a decision made out of love – if I sincerely hope to raise two or three children and am willing to make great efforts to do so, no matter how difficult it is, It can also be overcome. With this major premise in mind, once you sort out the objective conditions, you won’t be so entangled. Mothers around me often ask me if I will have three more children after having Su Bao and Guozi. I have really seriously considered it. The process of thinking is actually the process of thinking about the following two questions: 1. How can my personal space be used? Whether to withstand more squeezing, I believe many mothers have a headache when they lose their temper with their children, and often secretly regret it after yelling at their children. In fact, many times we yell at our children because it is tiring to raise children + not being understood + the children challenge our patience and bring too many negative emotions. The first three years of a child\’s life are the most absorbing period for parents. With the addition of a child, the effort will definitely increase, and the people who pay the most are usually the parents themselves. Therefore, when deciding whether to have a second child, what we should care about is not what our mother-in-law says, what our relatives say, or what our neighbor\’s aunt says, but what \”we\” say. I brought Su Bao down full-time for the past two years, and with the help of my family, I felt that my space could still bear the addition of another child, so I decided to have a second child. How \”we\” feel matters most. This is not selfishness, but only by making a decision based on your own wishes, mentally preparing yourself, and fully shouldering all the hard work and beauty this decision brings, can you give your child the best possible education. 2. What does my ideal family look like? If you close your eyes and let a picture appear in front of you, the picture is what the whole family will look like five years from now. You will hope that it is a family of three. You andThe husband holds one of the children\’s hands, chatting and walking on the beach at dusk; or are your two/three children playing on the beach, and you and your husband sit not far away and enjoy the moment? In your opinion, the best parent-child relationship is one-on-one time alone with your child, or is it for your child to grow up with siblings? When I was a child, I often played with my cousins ​​and we were close friends, so I knew from the beginning that Su Bao must have a younger brother or younger sister. But as an only child myself, I know very well the feeling of superiority that comes from having all the attention of my parents, so I also hope that Su Bao and Guozi can each have enough time to spend alone time with us. Raising two children can accommodate both of the above wishes. But if you add another child, quality alone time may become difficult. As lovers of circling the earth, Dad Su and I both hope to travel with our two treasures as soon as possible. This is also our family plan. But I know that it is very important for babies under 1 year old to live a regular life, and it is definitely not appropriate for babies to travel and work frequently. After Guozi was born, we did not travel far for several months. Even when we were pregnant with Guozi, we also took Su Bao to travel outside the United States. A few days before Guozi was born, we took a self-driving trip to a scenic spot several hours away from home, but all this was indeed a test for the physical strength of the pregnant mother. All of the above makes me feel that two children are just right for us at the moment. When Guoguo gets older, Dad Su and I can handle one child each when traveling. This structure is the most ideal for us. Some mothers told me that I want to have two more children, but what should I do if I don’t have money to raise them? In fact, no matter what stage of life, money shortage is only temporary. Those decisions made just because of money shortage are likely to be regretted. When I was studying, I discovered a particularly interesting phenomenon. Some of the children from China who were admitted to prestigious schools in the United States came from elite private high schools in the country with excellent conditions provided by their parents, but many of them came from unknown schools. In a small city, with great enthusiasm for a certain major, I accumulated experience bit by bit, and finally successfully applied for a prestigious school. All roads lead to Rome. I have always believed that the best early childhood education is at home. Many families of our parents\’ generation had four or five children. Although their material conditions were a little poorer, they still raised healthy and happy children. Parents\’ attentive companionship, acceptance and love are the most expensive school district housing. There is no standard answer to whether to have a second child or not. This decision is a combination of emotions, values ​​and objective conditions. In the final analysis, it is \”my\” decision, and \”I\” will happily take responsibility for this decision. It doesn’t matter what others say. If you decide to have another child, please remember – it should not be because the child needs a companion, an only child can have a close friend; it should not be because you are afraid of being lonely when you are old, or because you want one more child to support you in old age; nor should it be because It’s because relatives and friends advise you to stay alive and get another one. It\’s because you enjoy the process of raising children, sincerely want to accompany two or three children to grow up, and are willing to make great efforts for this. Even if one day you have to watch your children go their separate ways, you will feel at ease and happy because you know that you have been so important in their lives.