Women don’t hate being mothers, they hate invisible fathers

In the past two days, the topic of \”being a mother\” has quickly swept the entire Internet from Zhihu to igniting a prairie fire. The girl who was forced to have a baby, with her fierce practical actions, forced the whole family to switch roles. This article is indeed enjoyable to read. This girl has done what too many women want to do but dare not do and cannot do – realize the dream of her husband being a father, but you have to pee your shit. Fulfill the old man\’s wish to continue the family lineage, but you have to fight together. The ending is: the man works hard day and night, his parents-in-law are almost tortured and cry, and his parents surrender. For a time, many women were excited and applauded. Others say it would have been better if this method had been seen a few years earlier. These people who like it, applaud it, and are satisfied with it are a large number of mothers who are miserable and helpless in reality. I feel a little sad. Chinese women, why are mothers so tiring? Why are you scared of having a baby and raising a baby? There is only one answer: because there are too many invisible dads. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once wrote: The emotional model of Chinese people is to find their mother. This is especially obvious in men. Marrying a wife means that you have someone to take care of the housework, have children, serve your parents, and take care of everything for you. The essence of marriage is cooperation, and the reality of husband and wife is that they are partners in life. That being the case, rights and obligations should be equal. But the reality is – a man takes ten minutes to sow a seed, and a woman takes ten months to conceive. The man waited excitedly outside the delivery room, while the woman walked through the gate of hell alone. Men drink, play ball, eat and sleep, while women breastfeed and wash themselves day and night. Mom gives birth to it, mom raises it, others are only responsible for appreciating it. When the baby laughs, he will say: What a good boy! When the baby cries, it becomes: So annoying! In front of outsiders, he would say: Look, this is my son! When I got home, it became: Hurry, go find your mother! Do you think that a woman who has given birth to a child, a woman who has experienced labor pains equivalent to ten ribs being broken at the same time, a woman who has endured an abdominal incision and a perineal scissor, a woman who has endured a tearing breast opening? What women are afraid of are the hard work of breastfeeding, the trouble of changing diapers, the tediousness of feeding water and food, and the dizziness of lack of sleep? Haha, joke. They are not afraid of this at all. What they fear is the despair of being understood by no one, fighting alone, confused and helpless. At this stage, it is most worthy of being made into a blockbuster movie – \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”. How did the invisible dad come about? There is no doubt that the first thing is their own selfishness and laziness, failure to learn, grow and take responsibility. In addition, several people worked together to create it. First, his own parents. In the native family of the invisible father, there is usually a macho father and a hard-working and capable mother. Most of the parents of the previous generation had very strong traditional concepts: men should wave their hands and pick their teeth while shouting and drinking, while women should make a fire, cook, fold quilts and make beds. Invisible Dad\’s father is an old version of Invisible Dad himself. He never set an example of responsibility and responsibility for his son, so his son would only grow into a new version of him. And the mother of the invisible father poured overwhelming maternal love and unplaced emotions into him since childhood. She never let him touch a finger in housework. Wait untilWhen he enters marriage, he will naturally ask his wife to become a substitute for his mother. And his mother, who has worked hard for half her life, is still accustomed to taking all the responsibilities of a new father on herself – making milk powder? You can\’t, let me do it! Wash diapers? How do men do this! The child cries? Find your mother and go to sleep! In such an environment, it can only be wishful thinking to expect a man to take on the responsibility of being a father and to personally participate in the process of raising a child. If you don’t believe me, go take a look. How many invisible fathers are there who are not mom’s babies or giant babies? Secondly, it is the woman herself. This is a question I have deeply reflected on. Many times, we don’t realize that we ourselves didn’t create an opportunity for them to learn, we didn’t have the patience to wait for them to grow up, and we didn’t have the attitude and mood to give them some guidance and guidance. Because we are extremely tired, because we are full of grievances. So, after watching his clumsiness, he impatiently reprimanded: \”Okay, okay, you\’re so stupid, let\’s just leave it alone.\” \”Forget it, I don\’t need you anymore, I might as well do it myself.\” If you don\’t know how to do anything like this, what else can you expect from you!\” He even cursed viciously: \”I can\’t even take care of a child, so go and die!\” After a few times, the man himself broke the pot. If I can\’t do it, if I\’m not good, then I won\’t do it anymore. So we fell into a new round of reincarnation: more exhausted and more grievances everywhere. No one is born to be a parent. Women more often use their maternal instinct to love their children, while men\’s fatherly love is really acquired. They\’re stupid, they\’re lazy, they\’re afraid of trouble, it\’s true. But our ridicule, ridicule, and impatience with them are also true. Finally, there are the mothers-in-law who love their sons-in-law. I don\’t know what other areas in the north and south of the country are like. In Shandong, the mother-in-law is famous for loving her son-in-law. If you want to ask your husband to get up and make milk, your mother will be the first to say: \”Forget it, he has to go to work.\” \”Forget it, he still has to drive.\” \”Forget it, it is rare for him to sleep in during vacation.\” In fact, After all, the mother-in-law treats her son-in-law even more because she loves her daughter. She hopes that her son-in-law can pass this kindness back to her daughter. Nowadays, in more and more families, the mother-in-law is competing to take care of the children. The advantage is that it effectively reduces the occurrence of conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, while the disadvantage is that it makes new parents more lazy. I have written many articles before about how difficult it is to be a mother, and someone specifically added a message to my WeChat message: \”You women say being a mother is so tiring and miserable. What you write will only destroy the happiness of other people\’s families and make women go home to their husbands.\” Quarrel!\” After scolding him, he blocked me. Haha, this is the most typical straight male cancer – only he is allowed to do it, no one is allowed to say it. Whether I write or not, these are the realities: women have to pay and sacrifice far more than men to give birth to and raise children. Why are more and more women unwilling to have children? They are becoming more and more independent, capable and value themselves. It\’s not necessarily that they don\’t love their children, or that they don\’t want to be mothers, it\’s just that they can\’t stand the fact that men are still standing by like the great masters of the Qing Dynasty during this process. Learning to be a father and sharing the responsibilities of childbearing is the way for a man to escape from his original birth.Family, rebirth, and the beginning of true maturity. If they are willing to put down the games in their hands, turn off the football game on TV during this hard and difficult process, be considerate of his wife at all costs, give all-out support, and share the housework within their ability, his woman will Become a strong and gentle mother, and her children will have the most correct education in the world.